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Are bottoms the new mouths?


That’s a safe-for-work way of asking: is anal the new oral? Now might be a good time to bookmark this post for later if you have anyone very young or boss-like hovering near your computer. Because we’re going to talk about sex. Ready? Good.

This question about anal sex becoming as common as oral sex used to be is not a new one really. I’ve been hearing it asked for several years. This co-incides neatly with the mainstreaming of online porn.

Someone sent me a link to this entry in the things-bogans-like site this week. Let’s not get into a discussion about the implied judgement in the word ‘Bogan’. Let’s save that for another day (how’s never? is never good for you?).

For the purpose of this post, I really want to stick to the subject of anal sex (hello Mum, Dad, my mother-in-law and everyone else who would never otherwise hear me say the words ‘anal sex’ which excludes anyone I’ve ever worked with. Oh the sealed sections I have had to write/commission/edit on The Last Sexual Taboo….).

So I get into a discussion about anal sex with this (male) friend who sent me the link. FYI he sent it to me for Mamamia not to, like, flirt. (trust me). Similarly, I am able to have discussions about such things as anal sex without being the remotest bit flirty. See above point about work and sealed sections.

Anyway.

I asked him what he thought about the link which basically said that anal sex was purely about domination and was loved by guys who were into porn. He agreed, adding that the abundance of porn has led to a belief that is completely normal behaviour and not the dominating sexual act that he believes it is (he’s not into it at all).

My friend said that the guys he knew who did it only did it when they wanted to have sex with someone and be done with it. Very wham bam. And the girls he knows who are into it are REAALLY into it.

This raises an interesting point. All the women I know insist they’re not into it. In fact I’ve never met a woman who says she loves it or even likes it. Hell, I’ve not even met a woman who admits she regularly does it.

But all the men I know insist that some women love it. Which suggests that these women are lying to someone -either their friends or their sex partners.

My view is this. Anything that is consensual between two adults who are both in a fit state to give that consent (ie: not wasted, asleep etc) is OK. But are younger women being pressured into anal sex because young guys have been exposed to such a steady diet of porn since they were teens?

I once remember reading about how an emergency room in Sweden (or some country like that, I’m foggy on the geographical specifics) was seeing an alarming rise in prolapsed colons and colon injury in teens/young women – attributed to aggressive anal sex. They learned that apparently this was accepted as the norm from boys’ exposure to vast amounts of Euro anal porn.

Oh lordy. They didn’t mention THIS in Where Did I Come From…….

Anyone care to share their views or experiences? Do most guys try it on? Is the “I’m sorry, I slipped!” line getting a little old? Do you think the rise of anal sex is linked to porn and is there more pressure to do it now than, say a decade or two ago?

(I’m guessing there won’t be too many non-anonymous comments for this one. Can I just suggest you make up a name instead of using ‘Anonymous’ so as to avoid confusion…..)

AND…….If you haven’t already subscribed to the Mamamia daily  email, you really, seriously  should. That way, you won’t miss what’s  going on around here each day  and it will give you something fun and  interesting to divert your  attention away from the 3pm blahs every day.

So go here.


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Top Comments

Jennifer 13 years ago

I do feel that I'm a minority, being a woman who enjoys anal sex, but I have had only one partner who would say the same. You're right, though -- I rarely bring it up in conversation, as the majority of women would give a lot of harsh criticism as feedback.

I agree -- it's very dominating, which probably adds to the allure for some men, but I don't think it has been brought about by "porn-obsessed" males, agreeing with Alison, below. For some time, oral sex was taboo, "gross" and "unnatural," and it's barely been a generation since we comfortably admit that it's a common sex practice in our bedrooms today.

Admittedly, the idea of having anal sex with a partner with bad hygiene and cleanliness is repulsive, but like vaginal sex, safety is key, and it can be enjoyable if you're open to it and well-prepared.


Jess 13 years ago

I love anal sex. Its not for everybody, not for every occasion and not with randoms, (trust is essential) but can be incredible on occasion.

I was with my partner for 4.5 years. We lost our virgininty together and tried anal early on and it was a disaster, so stopped trying for years.
Then about a year ago we randomly tried again. AMAZING.

Things you need for the first time (or actually every time):
1. Lube
2. Darkness if lacking confidence
3. Loads of foreplay (the girl has to be really worked up)
4. A patient partner.
5. Been to the toilet within a couple of hours

I found that if you have all these things then he can enter just a bit, and then don't move until the girl says so. Then go in another 5 cms or so and wait again. then go all the way in and wait for another 30 seconds. if the girl is still good then speed is fine and then its personal preference on how fast you go.

It was a special occasion thing for us but a nice twist to the bedroom antics.

The weirdest thing for me is that my partner and i broke up about 3 months ago and i have recently started sleeping with someone i have known for a few years. we like each other and know each other pretty well but we slept together for the first time last week. He totally tried to go anal and it was NOT allowed. But doggy with a finger in the area was also pretty good.

Thanks,
jess