'Treat your space as if you’re a guest, and 8 other things I wish I had known before living alone.'

Oh look, it's another 20 something year old woman telling us things we've known for years, what's new? 

I'll tell you what's new — my appreciation for all the women who've lived alone before me. I've been privileged enough to have lived in my cosy apartment by myself for four years now and I've learnt some lessons along the way. Lessons that I very much would've appreciated knowing before I set out on this new venture, but as they say, you live and you learn... and learnt I have. 

So, as my act of kindness, I thought I'd share nine things you should know before you decide to live alone.

1. Make friends with your neighbours.

For my first year of living alone, I kept to myself. I live in the city and there are a few Airbnbs in my building, so I didn't really know who my neighbours really were. After one too many missed deliveries and accidental smoke alarm triggers, I decided to introduce myself to some of the people in my building and let them know that I'm just a silly girl living alone (and not the annoying brat that I'm sure I came across as). 

Now, my neighbours and I have become friends. We give each other chocolates at Christmas, we accept each other's deliveries if we're working from home and we even take part in gossip sessions over the noisy Airbnb tenants. It's brilliant. 

Knowing who your neighbours are extends your home into a community and you feel so much better knowing who's around to help if you ever need it.

Watch: Horoscopes & self-care. Post continues below. 

2. Takeaway food isn't your enemy.

After many TikTok scrolls, chef newsletters and Pinterest board saves, I truly believed that if you were a woman living alone, you had to be a brilliant cook. 

My first two years of living alone were wasted on experimenting with foods and trying to cook these elaborate meals for myself. Who the heck said we have to be making our own bread? 

Although this sounds like a perfect uplifting sequence in a rom-com — where the cutesy actress burns a batch of cookies while Taylor Swift's 'Shake It Off' plays in the background — the reality is that buying expensive ingredients and cooking from 7pm-9pm after work is not fun. 

You also end up having to eat that same meal for five nights in a row because portion sizes are confusing.

I'm not saying that there's no joy in cooking a meal for yourself. I'm saying that it's okay to give yourself a break, and that a discounted Pad Thai from that restaurant around the corner will always taste better than whatever you're trying to do with the wok that's bigger than your stove. 

3. You don't have to be alone.

When you live alone, there will be one question everyone will constantly ask you, no matter how long you've lived alone for. 

Don't you get lonely?

I've been asked this so many times that I always felt like I had to prove to everyone (and myself) that I could cut myself off from the world and never feel any loneliness. 

I would stoically stay in my apartment for days and preach about how I never feel lonely. Of course, everyone feels lonely — regardless of how many people they live with. There have been many occasions where I wished I was living with someone else, and it's okay to wish that. 

Whether it's going out or Facetiming with friends and family, any form of connection that fills your cup is a good thing. 

4. Don't wait until 3pm before you say something.

Sometimes when I work from home, I'll join a work call at 3pm and wonder why my voice sounds so croaky and weird, like I've just woken up. Then, I'll realise that the 3pm call is the first time I've spoken that day. 

The best thing about living alone is that you can talk to yourself, sing, dance, even carry out fake arguments. The only thing that will judge you is your house plant (and possibly an intrigued neighbour).   

5. Treat your space as if you're a guest.

When I first started living alone, my place was... trash. I'd be so messy, and I revelled in it, thinking, 'Who cares?'

I'll tell you who cared — I did. And you will too.

As someone who suffers from depression, not looking after my space is not only a symptom of my depression, it also prolongs my depressive states. When I lived with people, this rarely happened, because I was so aware that I was sharing my space with someone else. Living alone, I believed that I wasn't worthy of a clean space. 

My therapist asked me if I had guests coming over, would I clean my apartment? I said, "Obviously, that would be so embarrassing if I didn't." She then said, "If you value your own opinion to the same level as your guests, you would maintain your space for yourself." 

Ouch. But true. 

Since then I've always treated my space as if I was a guest that I was trying to impress. It works. If this doesn't work for you, I suggest actually inviting people over — you'll get to cleaning right away. 

6. Invest in your safety.

After the "Don't you get lonely" question, the second thing people always ask a woman who lives alone is "Don't you get scared?"

The answer is, of course I do. We live in a very scary time where bad things happen to women constantly. The only thing that doesn't keep me from completely losing my mind is knowing that I've done everything possible to keep myself safe. 

I've made sure that my neighbours not only know who I am, but have an idea of my regular comings and goings. I've invested in new, stronger locks for my doors and windows, and I share my location with friends who live nearby. 

When you live alone, you don't have the privilege of someone else being there to check-in. You have to be that person. Investing in your safety can, at times, feel like an extra chore, but it also offers peace of mind. It's worth it.

7. Don't get a pet that needs attention.

Ouch, please don't yell at me, I'm sensitive. As a dog lover myself, I know that I don't have the lifestyle (or income) to give a pet the life it deserves. There have been many (lonely) times where I've been so close to getting a pet, before I realise that it wouldn't be fair to it.

I've grown up with pets my entire life, and the most joyful thing about having them is knowing that I give them the same amount of joy. 

My current lifestyle involves working late and going out, so I know that I couldn't give a pet the attention and joy it deserved.

If you're someone who thinks that both you and a pet will have better lives with each other in them, by all means, do it. But if you're living alone for the first time, take some time to think about your lifestyle and consider if looking after a pet fits into that.

8. Buy a TV.

This is one I've shamefully only learnt recently. Yes, I had been inviting people over to watch movies, then setting my laptop up on the coffee table for us to huddle around. 

I didn't think TVs were still in, but I've come to love my new TV  — the one that everyone pressured me into buying. It's not just great for entertaining, it also offers great background noise from when I'm pottering away in the kitchen or working on a project.

9. Find joy in your quirks.

Finally, the best thing about living alone. You can do whatever you want, just the way you like it.

Hated the way your dad loaded the dishwasher? You can load the dishwasher whichever way you want, you crazy girl.

Your roommate took too long in the bathroom? Now, you can have all the bathroom time in the world.

Your partner would wake you up every time they crawled into bed at 1am? Sleep tight bestie, the only thing waking you up now is your well-looked-after cortisol levels. 

Finding your little quirks, whether it's the way you tackle mundane chores or the freedom to order pizza two nights in a row without being perceived, living alone can bring you so much joy. Good luck!

If you want more culture opinions by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem. 

Feature image: Canva.