‘Growing up, I loved sleepovers. But in 2023, lots of parents are fearing the worst.’

This story discusses sexual assault.

Since becoming a mother for the first time 18 months ago, I have learned some of the biggest lessons of my life. All of a sudden you are responsible for a precious little human that relies on your decision making to keep them safe at all times. 

Over the past few months I have been seeing an interesting debate evolve both online and in my social circles. The question at hand: Should we let our kids go to sleepovers?

Listen to Help I Have A Teenager! On this episode, a parent is concerned about putting her daughter in a position she might be uncomfortable with, after she was invited to a backyard sleepover with boys and girls. Post continues after audio.

Call it naivety or call it a knee jerk reaction wanting to believe the best in the world, but my immediate thought was, “How ridiculous! Kids should be allowed to have sleepovers - what’s the big deal?!”

And then I sat with it for a moment. 

As I read more, I realised that parents across the world weren’t making the decision to stop their kids from going to a sleepover to be a killjoy but rather it was coming from a place of fear. Trawling through Reddit I saw story after story of people recounting their experiences with sleepovers where they experienced abuse.

“What if there is literally anyone else in the house? An older sibling? A family friend? A neighbour? Someone working on something in the house? Something so inconsequential the parents may not even mention it to you, but these people could all be predators. Also, even people you like and trust can be sexual predators. So I would prefer my kid to have the sleepovers, not be at them,” wrote one user.

I instantly felt a crushing blow to the loss of innocence and my heart ached.

Growing up, I was fortunate to have wholly positive sleepovers full of giggles and tall tales and movie marathons and buckets of popcorn. Those moments shaped a part of me and enriched the relationships I had with my friends. They were beautiful times and ones that I will forever hold close to my heart. I really want my daughter to have those moments too.

But I now realise that not everyone has had wholesome, safe experiences with sleepovers in their past. So it makes total sense that some parents in 2023 are concerned about letting their children stay under someone else’s roof. I don’t begrudge anyone for making a decision that sets out to protect their kids.

Over on TikTok plenty of experts and parents are weighing in on the debate.

@sharon.a.life Replying to @marley._.spam1 #momlife #motherhood #sleepover #nosleepovers #childhoodtrauma ♬ original sound - Sharon.a.life

As I delved deeper into this, I found a great suggestion: the ‘late-over’ or the ‘sleepunder’. As the idea suggests, it’s a catch up where your child can go to someone’s house for some supervised fun. Think all the trimmings of a sleepover - movies, snacks and hanging out with friends - before the parents pick them up later and they return home. It’s not foolproof but it’s an interesting perspective to consider.

@babiesofsteele Replying to @metalmarvels ♬ original sound - Meredith Steele

According to the Raising Children Network, their resources offer up a number of best practices for parents who are unsure about whether to let their children have a sleepover. Amongst their advice is:

“Ask for details of supervision and sleeping arrangements when your child is invited to sleepovers, parties, camps, outings and so on. Check in with your child at sleepovers, sport and so on. For example, message your child at sleepovers to ask how things are going. Or ask questions like, ‘How was football coaching today?’ Ask other parents how they check in on their children’s safety.”

Ultimately this is going to be one of those sticky parts of parenthood I will have to navigate with careful consideration. Maybe I won’t know the wrong or right answer but I am going to try my hardest to call upon all of the decision making skills I have developed since becoming a mother.

While my daughter is only 18 months, I’m aware that sleepovers are a little way off but I’m putting a pin in this to revisit. When or if the occasion arises, I am going to assess the situation to ensure she is as safe as possible. 

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

Feature Image: Getty