"It's been eight years since I married her son, and she still treats me like I'm a casual girlfriend who might drop off at any moment," says Sydney mother-of-one, Jasmine*, of her mother-in-law.
"I can handle the weird personality quirks," she continues, "like the fact that she has to inexplicably name someone's ethnicity whenever she mentions them in a story, even though it has nothing to do with the point of what she is saying; I can even handle when she tells me we need to be 'tougher' on our autistic son when he refuses to eat his dinner."
Watch: The Mamamia team confess the worst thing they said to their mother-in-law. Post continues after video.
"But for as long as I've known her, she insists on taking two versions of every family photo - one with all of us in, including spouses and partners, and then one version that's 'just family' where anyone who isn't blood-related has to step out of the shot."
Yep, I'll let you read that again.
Non-blood relatives are routinely asked to step out of the shot so that the family's matriarch can capture "family-only" photos for her albums.
"Hugh* has been married before - he was 23, and the marriage only lasted 18 months or so," explains Jasmine, "so when I first came on the scene three years after his divorce, I could understand his mother being a bit hesitant to have me in all the important family milestone shots. The first Christmas we spent together, we'd only been dating about eight months, and I offered to take the picture out of politeness, not wanting that awkward moment of assuming I'd be in the snaps."
Jasmine's mother-in-law, however, seemed to take this as a sign of her compliance with her strange rule and continued the tradition of asking her to hold the camera for most of the family's photos over the years.
"We got engaged after two years, and I was blessedly allowed in the 'family' shot at our engagement party, but shockingly, she asked for my other sister-in-law to step out so we could get one 'just of the family and the happy couple'. That sister-in-law has since split up from my brother-in-law, perhaps, unsurprisingly, but my mother-in-law just uses it as a proof that her plan is a logical one, saying that now she doesn't have to look back at unpleasant memories knowing my sister-in-law has left the family."
Jasmine's mother-in-law also extends her blood-in, blood-out rule to children, in what seems like an unnecessarily cruel step.
"My husband's other brother is married to a woman with two children from a previous relationship," she continues. "Plus, they have another child together. She takes pictures of all the kids and while she stops short of asking the step-brothers to get out of the photo, I always notice her trying to pounce when the 'blood' cousins are together, or positioning the step-grandies on the end of the picture so she can cut them out. It's diabolical."
Listen to No Filter where we discuss why mother-in-law relationships can be high drama. Post continues after audio.
After years of awkwardness, it was Jasmine's husband who ended up bringing things to a head last Christmas.
"Since we've had our son, Hugh just can't stand it anymore," she says.
"I used to tell him not to make a big deal out of it, but last Christmas after a few too many Aperols, he finally cracked it at his mum. And I, after a few Aperols myself, decided to just let him."
"She'd started to do the usual 'oh, you don't mind taking one of the family, do you Jasmine?' thing, and I was about to grab her phone off her to snap a picture of her, my father-in-law and my husband with our son."
Jasmine's husband, however, was having none of it.
"He grabbed her arm and said 'Jas is getting in the picture this time, Mum, stop being weird.' She said nothing, but let him set it up on timer. Don't think I'm going to see that photo in a frame anytime soon!"
*Names have been changed due to privacy.
Read more stories about mums-in-law:
- 'You don't love your children!' After we had kids, my in-laws targeted me relentlessly.
- 'She had the bridesmaids' dresses made behind my back.' My mother-in-law ruined my wedding.
- 'I am entering my mother-in-law era and I need to re-brand.'
Feature image: Getty.
