'Find your power perspective': 5 simple mantras that will change your life.

In a world that glorifies hustle culture and being self-deprecating, especially as women, it can be hard to foster a positive mindset. It’s not your fault. 

You’re always made to feel you’re not doing, or being, enough; people too busy to eat lunch at work who make you feel guilty for having yours, altered images of women making you feel less-than, hundreds of quick-fix diets telling you to change the way you look...

It’s normal to feel run off your feet, a victim of constant comparison, and like you can never get it ‘right’.

As a health and mindset coach, I find that women always start out with enthusiasm and drive. Then this dwindles as the world reminds them of all the ways they’ve apparently got it wrong.

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But all is not lost - because once you learn to master your mind, you will own your life. You'll become happier, more confident, and such an advocate of your choices that you cannot imagine ever being the smaller, quieter, self-doubting version of you.

I know, I know. I would have rolled my eyes at someone who made such a cliched statement too. But now I work with amazing women every day who literally transform their lives just by using their mind differently.

These are 5 mantras I live by, and I hope they can help you as well.

Health and mindset coach Nikki Chamberlain. 

1. Success and failure both leave clues.

When things don’t go to plan, why don’t you get a little studious and evaluate the facts? This isn’t an exercise in self-blame, or to write a little ‘this is why I suck’ list. Instead, it’s about removing your ego (the emotion). I know this is difficult when you’re disappointed. A tip is to pretend what has happened, has happened to someone else.

Let’s call her Hermione. You didn’t just miss out on an opportunity at work; Hermione did. Now that your emotion is gone (because you’re not Hermione), you can take a step back and evaluate her situation. Ask probing, analytical questions. Find the data. Was it that she was unprepared? Were other elements of her life just a bit crazy during that week, and she had to prioritise them over work? Or was Harry (Hermione’s superior) more of a Ron fan and gave Ron the position instead?

Now that you have the sterile data, you can assess it as you would a spreadsheet. What were the external and internal factors that led to the perceived ‘failure’? But, so much more importantly, how can you learn lessons from these to avoid feeling this disappointment and failure again?

Similarly, when you have one of those ‘God, I’m good’ moments in life where you feel you’re rocking it, do the same exercise. By no means should you downplay your success. You worked for it and you should be proud! But, in the interest of ‘clues’, remove your emotion and look for the evidence. What were the key strategies you used to be successful? Did you prioritise time? Did you do scary things outside of your comfort zone? Did you ask for help?

Success and failure both leave clues. You have the ability to find and record them so that you can repeat (or avoid) them in the future.

2. Embrace the fear.

Fear is there to protect us. It’s biological, unavoidable. Once upon a time we needed fear to keep us alive when we were running away from sabre-toothed tigers. Today, fear is more of the ego than survival; it’s there to protect our self-esteem and fragile sense of self-worth.

Fear wants to keep you in your comfort zone because it’s squishy and warm and familiar there.

Think about when you feel fear. Perhaps you’re going to a social event where you won’t know many people. Fear rears her aggressive (yet, protective) little head and suddenly you worry people will be talking about you behind their napkins, or you’ll look unfashionable, or you’ll feel out of place and inferior. All completely normal anxieties. 

But the great news is that fear is only a belief. It is not a fact.

Question fear and prove her wrong by embracing the fearful, the uncomfortable. The worst-case scenario is highly improbable and unlikely. Trust yourself. Go forth and try the scary, uncomfortable, new thing. You’ll go to the social event and meet new people, laugh, have new conversations - literally making your day happier. 

When you tear down your belief systems around fear, two things will happen. Firstly, you’re going to create evidence proving to you that the ‘worst thing’ will never happen. You can do new things and survive; thrive, in fact. This gives you the confidence to do even more fearful things, thus creating a cycle of evidence encouraging more and more actions outside of your comfort zone. Secondly, you will do something new. New things equal new experiences. New experiences equal new results.

Nothing exceptional ever comes from letting fear rule you. Instead, embrace the fear as an indication that something phenomenal is around the corner.

Fear and faith are both things you can’t see... and both things you need to choose between.

3. Find your power perspective.

You and your choices have created every element of your life. Yes, the people, circumstances and events around you have been impressed upon you. However, the way you respond and react to these external forces has been engineered by you, whether consciously or not.

You cannot control the things that happen to, or around, you.

You can, however, 100 per cent control your response to everything. Once you accept this, your experiences of them will be life-changing.

This is called having a ‘power perspective’ - embracing the power you have to change your conditioned perspective (or belief system) to one that you choose. 

You see, you will always have an automatic, conditioned perspective to any event. For example, let’s pretend you meet someone for the first time and feel their comments are judgemental or intimidating. This perspective is conditioned within you for a thousand reasons (from your gender through to the tv shows your absorb, friendship circles, even how you woke up that morning!). When you give into this debilitating perspective without questioning it, it's disempowering. 

But you could lean into your power, and question why you feel judged or intimidated. Maybe you conclude that you associate her comments with snobbery because of something your parents used to say at the dinner table about ‘people like her’. You can then choose whether to hold on to this perspective, or to change it. Being aware of your choices is your power perspective.

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When you realise the absolute autonomy you have in this life through your ability to choose your perspectives, I promise you that your mindset, way of life, gratitude and holistic experience of your time on this planet will become so much more fulfilling. 

One simple way to do this is by saying, ‘This is what I live for’.

4. This is what I live for.

Ahhhh. One of my favourites. Every time you find yourself in a less than favourable situation or outcome, tell yourself with gusto, ‘This is what I live for’.

Perhaps you’re in a job that takes up too much of your time and you hate it. Remember, you of five years ago applied for this job thinking it would be amazing. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or that you need to stay there. It means that this is what SHE lived for. You bloody made it! You did it!

Or maybe you’re in the middle of a workout. It’s hard. Your throat is burning. Remember how you’re going to feel in a few short minutes when you have that rush of endorphins, when you’re one of the few who moved their body today. You did it! This is what you live for! 

Image: Supplied. 

You can apply this to the most heartbreaking of scenarios too. Imagine you’re in a relationship that's inevitably about to end. It’s devastating. But thousands of happy memories were also made during your time together. You are now making the hard decision to end it. You have the freedom to do this, as sad as it is. This independence, and the loving memories you made, are what you live for.

Focus on that feeling of achievement and success. Be grateful for the life you have made for yourself. And draw comfort in the fact that you created this situation, therefore you can have anything, absolutely anything, that you want.

5. What if this was the last time?

Have you seen that movie About Time? (If not, grab some tissues and buckle up). Anyway, the protagonist has the ability to live each day twice (sorry – spoiler alert). He lives every day the first time with the little stresses; frustrations at waiting in line, hurrying through the bed and bath routine. Then the second day he focuses on living in the moment; the smiles of strangers in the line, the funny little things his kids do at bedtime.

What if, every time you felt overwhelmed, time poor, or like you’re in Groundhog Day, you asked yourself, ‘What if this was the last time?' This isn’t a morbid exercise in recognising your mortality, but rather a way to focus on being present.

If this were the last time you tucked your child into bed (because one day they will be a teenager and far too cool for a snuggle), how would you do it differently? Would you stop looking at the clock thinking how much you still have to do? Will you go back for ‘one more’ cuddle twelve times?

This mantra, and the other four, have changed my life. And they will change yours too.

Feature Image: Canva/Mamamia.

Nikki Chamberlain is an online health and mindset coach and mum to two girls.