Matt Agnew has been seeing a psychologist since he was 12. He says he's still 'destructive' to himself.

This post includes discussion of suicide that may be distressing to some readers.

Engineer and astrophysicist, author, social commentator and The Bachelor star Matt Agnew has never shied away from opening up about his struggles. 

And what he has shared with Jessica Rowe on her podcast, The Jess Rowe Big Talk Show, might be his most vulnerable interview to date.

Even the host herself shared on Instagram: “This is the most intimate conversation I’ve had on the podcast. It was such a privilege to hold hands with @drmattagnew as he shares his experience living with mental illness.

“Matt thank you for opening your heart and brilliant mind in such a vulnerable way. You are such a strong and special man,” she added.

The Bachelor star opened up about his mental health battles, explaining that they've been going on since childhood. 

“I first started seeing a psychologist when I was 12 years old,” he said.

“I was struggling with quite bad anxiety as a child – so much so that I missed a lot of school. Just kind of inconsolable before going to school in the mornings, hyperventilating… I was throwing up a lot of the mornings.”

Around a decade ago, his mental health worsened, he continued, and he was given a diagnosis of clinical depression. Agnew says he was prescribed antidepressants around this time.

But things took a turn for the worse during the pandemic, which exacerbated the mental health struggles of many around the country.

“[Things] got bad a few years ago in 2021 where I tried to end my life,” he shared with Rowe.

“I ended up in hospital; I don’t remember the experience much. I remember actively making a decision to end it and doing some particular actions to do that, and I woke up in hospital.

“I was discharged and five weeks later I had the plans in place for a second attempt and was stopped by friends. This was during COVID and my mum flew into lockdown – she was in WA, I was in Sydney,” he recalled.

“I was kind of just inconsolable and ended up being admitted as an inpatient for three weeks at a mental health hospital.”

He has since been diagnosed with bipolar, generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), and emotional dysregulation. 

“I’ve been on a cocktail of medication to cope with that,” he said, calling his diagnosis a “mental health salad”.

Agnew also bravely shared that he's had “several more stumbles and falls” since.

“I have been quite destructive to myself. I’ve had moments where I’ve certainly self-harmed. I don’t think I’ve actively tried to end my life like I did in ’21, but I have done things where I think that was a potential outcome and I didn’t care. That was as recent as last year.”

Agnew also spoke to Rowe about the financial burden of taking care of your mental health, which leaves many vulnerable people without the means to support themselves at a psychiatric and pharmaceutical level. 

It’s also physically taxing, he shared.

“I get frustrated sometimes because it just feels like so much effort and work,” he said. “Financially, [it’s] very expensive for me, and I imagine thousands of Australians, to exist.”

Right now, his support network is a psychologist, psychiatrist and two GPs, plus his loved ones, who he credits for saving him from the darkness he was engulfed in.

“My friends will rapidly deploy and assemble as soon as something is wrong,” he said. “They’ve definitely saved me. I’ve told them, but I don’t know if they know sometimes how much they have.”

According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare in 2022, 44 per cent of Australians aged between 16 and 85 have experienced a mental disorder at some point in their life. That’s 8.6 million people, while 4.2 million have experienced a mental disorder in the past 12 months.

Suicide Prevention Australia said in 2021, at the height of COVID-19, over three thousand Australians died by suicide – an increase on the previous year. There are also around 65,000 suicide attempts each year. Suicide is the most common form of death for young people, and males are statistically three times more likely than women to take their own lives.

If you find yourself needing to talk to someone after reading this story, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

For children and young adults, Kids Helpline is available on 1800 551 800. Or If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please reach out to SANE Australia on 1800 187 263. 

Feature Image: Instagram