“I have a love-hate relationship with my mother. Let’s say she is a bit … difficult.”
A man at his wits end has turned to the anonymous forums of Reddit to seek help for the feud brewing between his wife and his mother.
The 42-year-old explained his wife wants his mother banned from staying at their home during visits.
“My mother can be infuriating, and my wife doesn’t want her to stay over any more,” he said.
“She is sociable, a good conversationalist, but also a bit narcissistic. At times she can be warm, funny, and clever, but at other times her behavior is inappropriate or downright infuriating. When I am alone with her I can get over those things, because she’s my mother. But she drives my wife crazy whenever she visits.”
He explained shortening the time spent together wasn’t an option as his 72-year-old mother lives 1000 kilometres away and generally stays a week.
The torn man went on to list several behaviors his mother exhibits that upset his wife, including:
- “Inappropriate sexual gossip, like ‘My friend told me her husband has a small penis.'”
- “Constant name dropping, like ‘last time I visited this gallery I was invited by so-and-so”, or “this dress was designed by so-and-so.'”
- “Impossibly high standards and frequent relativizing, like when we invited her to a restaurant she said, ‘my husband always invited me to much better restaurants when he was alive.'”
The husband asked readers whether it was possible to fix the issue without upsetting his mother or his wife.
“How should I defuse this situation?” He said.
The top suggested answers for how he should handle it have been collated below.
Separation Is Key
“Go visit your mother on your own. She sounds unbearable and I don’t blame your wife for putting her foot down.”
Lay Down The Law
“You stand up for your wife. If your mother wants to visit, she needs to follow the rules of your house. You should go visit her, cause I don’t think she’s willing to change, and even attempt to make peace with your wife.”
A Quiet Retreat
“Hotel but need to add that the mother does NOT need to stay for an entire week. Four days max seems enough. First day to recover in the hotel from travelling, and then go to dinner somewhere neutral. Two and a half days to visit and then the last half she can pack.”
The Solution Is In Your Hands
“Tell your mother she can come over for dinner if she bites her tongue and is not rude. If she’s rude take her back to the hotel and drop her off. Even in her seventies she can learn basic manners if you stand up to her, and it must be you who stands up to her. Do NOT throw your wife under the bus on this. She is your mother and therefore she is your problem.”
Begin With An Apology
“Apologising to your wife and admitting her feelings on this are valid. By shugging it off you’ve essentially been saying ‘I don’t care about how you feel, and no matter how wrong my mummy is you are more wrong.’ Even if that isn’t what you were trying to say, it’s what comes across.”
What would your advice be?
When the brains behind Mamamia Out Loud talked about outdated wedding traditions.
Top Comments
I refuse to get married for this very reason. Nightmare in-laws. Life is too short to deal with toxic people. If my partner had family like this the relationship would be over.
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I kind of think they need to just get over it, grit their teeth and ride out the visits. She sounds ghastly for sure, but relatively harmless. If she was constantly attacking his wife I would totally get that they would have to do something, but that doesn't seem to be the case. She is just an irritating old woman who can be crude at times, loves name dropping and one-upping. Tiresome, yes. Deserving of being thrown out of the family? Probably not. It sounds like she lives away, so she isn't there all the time. If his wife is struggling that hard to cope then maybe when she does visit she should suddenly have lots of engagements to attend to.
Oh gosh I totally agree. She's 72 for goodness sake, she's not going to be around forever. She sounds annoying but it's not the end of the world.
Yep my thoughts also. I was expecting horrific behaviour but what the husband mentioned was hardly warrant for them to cut off the poor woman!
And she lives 1000 miles away. So she isn't visiting every other week. I get it, my MiL can drive me nuts too, but you can't demand for them to never visit or that your husband reprimand them when they haven't done anything actually nasty. So while this wife is putting up with a vulgar loud-mouthed mother in law, this old woman possibly has to put up with a tight lipped daughter in law who has a stick jammed up her bum and looks down on her. Sounds awful either end.
I have a feeling that the entire post wasn't written above, because I agree it sounds very tame but then based on the responses listed I really think that must've just been an overview