This Netflix Christmas movie makes a case for hooking up with your local snowman.

Netflix just made a Christmas rom-com about a snowman and I guess we're just doing anything now, huh? We're in a romantic male lead scarcity crisis and apparently a frozen statue is the cure. 

Hot Frosty dropped on Netflix overnight, the latest in a cheesy movie schedule that will see viewers enjoying four new festive films — including one where Chad Michael Murray plays a stripper.

Delightful! 

But in Hot Frosty, we're going wholesome and whimsical with a plot that boldly asks the question, 'what if you hooked up with your local snowman this Christmas'?

Much like Taylor Swift's album Red, the central character is a scarf.

Lacey Chabert — of Mean Girls fame — stars as Cathy, a widow who is simply trying to make it through the festive season without her late husband. She's frazzled, her house is falling apart, she's not doing so well.

Then, her mate Dottie gives her a scarf (after telling a weird story about how she wore a scarf this one time and met the love of her life). It was one of those classic Hallmark moments where you know they want to move the plot along, but can't be bothered to make it happen organically so they just have a stilted conversation that lays it all out for the audience. Signature to the genre, really.

"You'll never find the warmth unless you venture into the cold," she tells Cathy, handing her a scarf.

Wow I wonder if Cathy will venture into the cold? Cathy ventures into the cold that very same night to wrap a scarf round an oddly detailed and handsome snowman. The snowman magically comes to life. 

Cathy (Lacey Chabert) faces off with a handsome snowman. Image: Netflix.

Don't worry I'm not giving anything away, they practically revealed the entire plot in the trailer. And besides, we don't watch these movies for the plot. We watch them for the feeling™ they instill in our souls. 

But the feeling I felt upon seeing Dustin Milligan (from Schitt's Creek) playing Jack the real-life snowman was… utter confusion.

He looks fab, congratulations to Dustin on all of your muscles and your luscious long locks! But what? What are you doing here, what's going on? 

The supporting players are actually all top-tier — and that's where the ultimate confusion comes in for me.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine co-stars Craig Robinson and Joe Lo Truglio reunite to play the small town cops, an incredible casting choice that had me briefly thinking this movie would be decent. Meanwhile, sitcom icon Katy Mixon plays the local doctor you simply have to love.

Combined with Chabert and Milligan, it's actually a really solid cast. But does the plot match the acting ability?

This shirtless diva, Dustin Milligan. Image: Netflix.

Craig Robinson and Joe Lo Truglio reunite in Hot Frosty. Image: Netflix.

Jack and Cathy meet the day after his transformation, and she pretty much immediately believes he's a real snowman.

In fact, everyone is weirdly chill with the snowman revelation when they find out, throwing their hands in the air with a knowing smile as if to say "It's Christmas! These things happen, you know?" At one point someone does actually say that.

But my biggest gripe is the romantic lead in question. Because Snowman Jack is equal parts an idiot and super genius.

He's a fresh new baby human who knows nothing, according to some scenes.

But he's also an insanely quick learner who can figure out how to use ovens, cook delicious pizza, and do handiwork on an entire home like he's auditioning for The Block. He doesn't know how to dance and yet he helped organise a local school dance, complete with a choreographed flash mob routine.

Make it make sense. You can't!

It's not just the questions about his intelligence, oh no! There are several 'what is going on?' moments throughout the film that routinely bring us back down right when we're having fun. 

Whether it's the giant comic sans font on her deceased husband's medical chart in the garage, or the photoshopped wedding pictures that are so clearly fake it hurts as her eyes blend into his hair (would it be that hard to stage a quick, fake wedding for the sake of your movie?), there's always something that reminds you this movie is tacky when it could have been good old fashioned fun.

While watching Hot Frosty, the thing that struck me most is that this is an excellent comedic cast and they could've done much better if we weren't committing so aggressively to the Hallmarkification of Netflix.

Holidate, Lovehard, and Dash & Lily are all proof that we can have fun with goofy Christmas cheer AND deliver something fun.

Hot Frosty lent a little too far into the cheese-factor instead of the genuine comedic nature of this absurd script.

But if you think I'm discouraging you from watching Hot Frosty, let me assure you I am not. I'm saying with a little more pazzazz in the script and final edit, this could've been a much funnier film — but for a girls' night of watching cringe-worthy rom-coms, it doesn't get much better than this.

Also, I need you to watch Hot Frosty so you can engage in hot snowman discourse with me. Please.

Watch the trailer for Hot Frosty below.

Hot Frosty is now streaming on Netflix.