Confused about gender-neutral parenting? We asked an expert all the questions you're afraid to.

There's a news story that's gathering a wild amount of attention in Australia right now. It's a story that focuses on the subject of gender-neutral parenting. 

On this week's episode of 60 Minutes, the program delved into the topic of 'theybies', speaking to parents who have chosen not to assign their babies a gender at birth, and choosing to keep their child's sex (ie. their reproductive anatomy) a secret.

This means 'they' pronouns are used rather than 'he' or 'she', often until the child is old enough themselves to tell their parents what gender identity they most feel aligned to. 

Dr Kyl Myers has written previously for Mamamia about her and her partner's experience of not assigning a gender to their child, Zoomer. 

The preview for the 60 Minutes episode everyone is talking about. Post continues below.

As she wrote, "I didn't want to make assumptions about what my child's gender identity and interests would be; I wanted to let my kid tell me who they are, instead of the other way around. I do gender creative parenting because I don't want to perpetuate sexist stereotypes and oppression that children are inundated with from birth."

But soon after sharing her family's story with the world, Myers was inundated with hate mail and nasty comments – many likening her parenting approach to child abuse.

For many in the middle of this conversation, they perhaps feel a little unsure about the whole subject. What does it mean? What are the implications? And will there be pressure for them to do the same with their kids too?

We spoke to psychologist Sahra O'Doherty, Director of the Australian Association of Psychologists, to answer some of these questions and get her take on gender-neutral parenting.

Is the act of raising a child as gender neutral a new concept?

"It seems relatively new. There are a few articles published five to seven years ago where it starts to become a little more talked about, and little bit more available in the mainstream media. But it has definitely been more prevalent in the last few years," O'Doherty told Mamamia. 

"I can only speak to Western culture, because that is what I live in and where I'm from. There might be other cultures who might already be doing this but in terms of Western cultures this is a fairly new cultural phenomenon."

As a mental health practitioner, do you have any psychological concerns associated with this sort of parenting approach?

"No. There aren't [any psychological concerns]. I think it comes down to the beliefs and views of the parents and the beliefs and views of the culture in which the parents live. It's fairly similar to things like religious affiliation – if a person is raised in an environment and accepts that there are particular norms and ways of thinking in that environment, then it becomes acceptable within that environment. 

"So if the parent chooses to raise the child in a gender-neutral environment, is choosing to raise a child in a way that is still absolutely healthy and supportive of that child – and meeting that child's needs – but they're choosing not to use stereotypically gendered pronouns with that child... There doesn't seem to be anything particularly wrong with that concept," said O'Doherty. 

Should we, as a society, be focusing less on gender constructs?

"I would say that gender is an ever-changing construct. The concept of gender has changed over the last millennia. When we look at stereotypical or conservative gender roles, these have changed as society has changed. Learning or un-learning these sorts of concepts is actually part of the natural evolution of society.

"This even comes down to the toys marketed to children – often there are particular colours, like blue for a boy and pink for a girl, or trucks for a boy and dolls for a girl."

Some critics say that a gender-neutral parenting environment can be 'confusing' to a child. What is your professional perspective on that?

"When we talk about gender identity, our gender is only part of who we are. Yes, it can be a fundamental aspect and we can talk about how we might identify or what feels right for us. But what the research tells us that being able to be authentic and express ourselves authentically is going to be the cornerstone of a child's identity," O'Doherty explained.

"If a person is raised in a fairly strict household with particular conservative or traditional views of gender and stereotypes, and they then identify as something other than the gender they were assigned at birth, then they might [face] a lot of mental health issues like shame, guilty, anxiety and depression.

"They might feel as though they are not meeting the expectations of their family or culture that they live within. So, supporting and nurturing environments that allow a person to grow into who they are – that's the key, according to the research."

How does gender-neutral parenting work when a child enters the school environment?

"Again, it comes down to the environment they're in. Let's say if it was a conservative, religious or private school, they would hit against barriers there, where the school's ideologies might not match with the culture ideologies of the family that the child has come from," O'Doherty said.

But as someone who primarily works with gender-diverse adolescents and young adults in her private practice, O'Doherty said that many are thriving in their own school environments.

"It comes down to being supported by the school. The school system is becoming a lot more supportive and a lot more engaged in these conversations, particularly the public school system."

Do you think there are benefits to gender-neutral parenting?

"When we ascribe to and enforce really strict gender stereotyping, we then end up limiting our worldview of what we can aspire to be as adults. So, when we don't acknowledge that there is gender stereotyping in the way we see the world, we then can't put ourselves into those aspirational positions that we want might want to engage in," O'Doherty said.

"So for instance, female astronauts or having more women in STEM – because those things are predominantly male-dominated, we don't [usually] see ourselves represented in those areas. [But when we do], we feel like we can ascribe to or aspire to those jobs or those opportunities. What gender-neutral parenting can do is open up more opportunities for kids to aspire to whatever it is that they want to be doing in life."

Lastly, a lot of critics say gender-neutral parenting is tantamount to 'child abuse'. Is that claim actually true?

"No it is not," O'Doherty stressed.

"The definition of child abuse is having malicious intent and harm enacted towards a young person. When we're talking about someone having a supportive and loving environment where the parents genuinely care about that child's wellbeing, this is absolutely not child abuse."

Ultimately, gender-neutral parenting isn't for everyone. And that's completely fine.

For some, this approach is how they've chosen to parent, and it's a decision that's been made with the right intentions: to create a loving and supporting environment for their child.

As O'Doherty said to Mamamia, all parents get to choose how they wish to raise their child. As long as there is support, guidance and love – that's the priority.

Feature Image: Supplied.