Recently, I came across a well-hidden, millennial gem.
In the early 2000s, the hub of juicy, teenage television, MTV, released a revolutionary dating show that could take on the Bachelor or Married at First Sight any day.
Its name was Room Raiders, and its premise - guys and gals going through three blind date's bedrooms to find the weirdest s**t possible.
Whoever's bedroom was the least weird was chosen by the 'raider' to go on a date, and sign me the f**k up.
Watch the trailer for MTV Room Raider and you'll understand what I mean. Post continues below.
As aforementioned, I came upon Room Raiders with the eyes of a clueless Gen Z who had never heard of such obscure television.
The closest I came to MTV's questionable reality shows was sneaking out to the living room while my babysitter watched Geordie Shore after I'd gone to bed.
But oh.
Who would have thought how much better it could be?
So after binging far too many episodes in peak millennial fashion; by pirating them off of dodgy websites (for legal purposes, this is a joke), here are some of the key moments I observed from the show.
The dates are... abducted?
I know what you're thinking... this show must be staged.
Why would anyone leave their literal bird claw (yes, this happened) out and in the middle of their room for their date to see, knowing Room Raiders was shooting in the afternoon?
Well, the producers at Room Raiders anticipated this, so they simply abducted the contestants when they were least expecting it.
That often resulted in at least one shirtless guy, and surely they could've cut the cameras long enough to retrieve a shirt right?
Were the kidnappings staged? Almost certainly.
Did it make it any less insane? Not at all.
The blacklight uncovered a disturbing amount of 'bodily' fluids.
Once the dates are abducted and sitting in the back of a white van, the raider is clear to enter the house.
Here, they're equipped with a spy kit topped off with a bunch of things, namely a magnifying glass, tongs, gloves, and blacklight.
What's the blacklight for? Detecting "bodily" fluids. That's what.
In Room Raiders Miami Gone Wild Edition, one teen's mum was sent through three boys rooms to find a date for her daughter, and you bet she used the black light to uncover a disturbing number of stains.
This. Stuff. Was. Wild.
A guy without fail tried on their date's bra.
The early 2000s was truly a different time.
Going through a girl's underwear drawer was quirky and fun, and I just can't watch this back without thinking it's a little... a lot... weird.
A teen boy (or three) would inevitably try on their date's bra, as well as stuffing a few pairs of panties in their pockets before meeting the girl they were looking to date and you can't tell me this was ever appropriate.
Zac Efron - yes ZAC EFRON - was on Room Raiders. And he liked handcuffs.
There is something extremely strange about watching a pre-HSM, 17-year-old Zac Efron trawl through 19-year-old girl's bedrooms.
Back in 2005, Zac Efron raided three girl's bedrooms in search of the one and I have a whole new perspective on this man now.
In between telling the girls that 'Room #1's' leopard print underwear reminded him of his mum, he noted that he: "liked [her] handcuffs."
"It shows me you've got a bit of a wild side," he added.
Young Zac, please, tone it down.
The infamous sex toy collection.
I still cannot get over the episode of Room Raiders which featured a raider, Jake, who was extremely disturbed to uncover sex toys in one of his dates bedside table.
"I don't know if that's going to fly with me," Jake said, and the girls in the van were, understandably outraged.
"What?" they yelled out "what kind of kid are you?" one girl said.
"He doesn't know if he can handle that, poor baby," another said.
Other notable mentions of Regi's bedroom included a bunch of photo frames loaded to the brim with stock photos.
Jake pointed out that it "makes [him] think she doesn't have a whole lot of friends," and I really just read that as lazy, but to each their own I guess.
Steve's porn stash.
Can we talk about how outward some of these boys' bedrooms are when it comes to their masturbating habits?
No subtle sex toy drawer like our good friend Regi, but magazines stuffed where they fit and tissues on the bedside table.
Raider, Liz, wasn't phased at all though.
"Nothing wrong with it, that just means he's a guy," and Jake, take notes, please.
Feature Image: MTV
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