It has been brought to my attention that there is a lipstick in the shape of a penis, and I simply must talk about it. Immediately.
There is. There really is. Have you seen it?
Isn't it... cute?
A penis! For your lips.
The brand behind this fancy new schlong? Isamaya Beauty, founded by British makeup artist Isamaya Ffrench.
In case you haven't heard of Ffrench, the 33-year-old has built a hefty resume over the years, and is just a very huge deal in the fashion and beauty world.
She's worked with famous faces such as Rihanna, Bella Hadid, Kendall Jenner, Cher and the likes. She's also been involved with titles such as Vogue, I-D, Dazed and W Magazine.
But, back to the shiny scrotum.
The penis-shaped lipstick, complete with testicles, costs $95 USD - which is around $140.
A very expensive peen, indeed.
There are two shades: 'Cardinal' (a red, satin lipstick shade) and 'Vanity' (a shimmery black balm) and you can buy them directly from the website.
And yes, these are some popular little tubes.
The brand completely sold out of them in February, after the first drop.
But I have some urgent questions about the metal willies. Where do I start?
1. Why are they called LIPS?
I just.... don't get it.
There were SO many other options here. So very many possibilities. Why did we land on LIPS? Who landed on LIPS?
SHOW ME WHO.
What about D**klips? Lipsd**k?? Or D**kstick??
C'mon. Even Big Lip Energy feels better than LIPS.
All missed opportunities.
Isamaya, if you're reading this - fire your marketing manager.
2. How does it look in your pocket?
But really.
This is funny mostly because I want to know how many people will ask: Is that lipstick in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
Haha(sorry)ha.
3. Was it based on a real-life cast mould?
This feels important.
Was the lipsd**k based on a shrunken replica of someone's real-life johnson? Or is it just a generic d**k and balls?
For reasons I can't articulate (what am I, a writer or something?), it's something I really care about.
And because this is a one-way thing where I ask the questions and you don't... answer.. me.. (rude), for journalistic purposes, I started researching. And lo-and-behold, I found out that... no. The lipstick wasn't based on a real-life d**k.
Because not everyone is a Kardashian, okay? (Jokes, Kimmy - I love that fragrance!).
The lipsd**k, as I learnt, was actually based on a generic shape. Which isn't nearly as exciting.
"I wish I could say we did a real-life cast and mould," Ffrench shared in an interview with Paper Magazine.
"Lots of alterations were made over the weeks to find the perfect balance, and it was very funny to discuss those with our engineers in Italy."
What a time.
4. Is it really a symbol of feminism?
Sooo. It was all fine and cheeky and funny - but then the brand started talking about how this very expensive lipstick is actually quite 'revolutionary'.
It was said that the high-end lipstick 'celebrates self', and can be seen as a tool for 'human connection' and feminism. Or something.
And, no... what?
This sounds an awful lot like something someone who wants to sell a load of chrome d**ks would say.
Because tell me. Will touching up your lipstick after lunch with $140 chrome testicles make you feel liberated? And powerful? And like you're controlling the patriarchy??
Ahem. Respectfully, no.
I believe in my soul that this very expensive lipstick will not in the slightest bit make me feel like I'm tackling sexual repression and the patriarchy. I'm sorry.
I want it to! Mercy, I do. But I just... cannot.
Each to their own, though. If gliding a penis-shaped lipstick across your lips does all of the above, then good. Goodgoodgood.
5. Okay, but why is it so expensive?
There is a giant, thick, bulging price tag slapped on this d**kstick. It's huge.
In case you were skimming, missed everything we said and just came down here for the dirty end bits - the luxury lipstick and/or balm will set you back a whopping $95 USD each. Which works out to be roughly $140 AUD.
Why? No one knows.
Guess that's what you have to pay for a quality d**k, these days.
Amiright? Ha ha ha. Ahh.
The good news? The lipstick part is removable. Meaning? At least you can use that expensive chrome peen as a paperweight when you're finished. So, there's that.
Erin Docherty is Mamamia's Senior Health and Beauty Writer. For more from Erin, follow her on Instagram.
Got your own burning questions about LIPS? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.
Feature image: Instagram; @isamayaffrench; Canva; Mamamia.
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