dating

Scientists have looked into what we *really* prioritise in a partner and it's not good.

I recently realised that when it comes to The List of Things I Look For in a Potential Husband, I’m going to have to compromise. 

Are my standards too high? Potentially. Should they be? Hell yes. Never settle for less than what you deserve, girlies. 

Image: Giphy.

But as I was aimlessly swiping through profiles on Hinge last week, I found myself bartering about attributes. 

‘Ok they don’t technically live here, but they are college educated, the right age, a non-smoker and none of their answers have given me the ick yet.’’

Or, if I’m having an exceptionally bad time online: 

‘Ok, there is a photo with a fish and they still think the pineapple on pizza debate is interesting and they’re looking for someone who ‘doesn’t take life too seriously’, but he’s tall.’ 

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Like I say, it’s all about compromise. (Except if he answers the question ‘the best way to ask me out is by...’ with ‘just ask’. He’s a freaking idiot. Run.)

Well, now ACTUAL SCIENTISTS have looked into what we’re looking for in a partner and it turns out that I’m not the only picky one because more than 700 people were analysed in this study. And they clearly had thoughts about certain things. 

The study — that was recently published in the Journal of Sex Research which has quite frankly has become my bible — compared “mate preferences” between people with high sexual attraction towards others (called allosexual) and those who felt little or no sexual attraction and identified as asexual, demisexual, or grey-sexual.

Image: Giphy.

First up, the research found that we all strongly prefer partners who are kind, healthy and intelligent. Yay for us. But when you break it down, the differences between men and women are especially telling. 

According to the results, heterosexual men who experienced high sexual attraction rated physical attractiveness higher than women, while women were more concerned with the social status and financial prospects of their date. (Hey, someone’s gotta help support my champagne lifestyle when this Prosecco budget won’t cut it).

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Digging deeper, the experts looked at another two partner characteristics — conscientiousness (which covered ambition, emotional stability/maturity, reliability, diligence, humour and sociability) and intelligence/education. 

And when you consider that a man doesn’t emotionally mature until he’s 43, are we even surprised that allosexual women picked conscientiousness first, while men with high sexual attraction placed greater importance on intelligence and education? 

When it came to those with low sexual attraction, women preferred partners with brains and a good education, and cared less about physical attractiveness, status, financial prospects and conscientiousness. 

And men with low sexual attraction placed less importance on all partner characteristics — except social status and financial prospects. 

The researchers also found that when it comes to romantic attraction, we care most about conscientiousness and physical attractiveness. And really, can you blame us? 

I need to make sure the person I’ll be looking at for the rest of my life is at least a bit of a looker! 

Image: Getty + Mamamia.

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Top Comments

snorks a year ago 2 upvotes
So, men go for looks and women go for money? 
Good thing there's additional research to back up what we've been saying for decades! 
simple simon a year ago 2 upvotes
@snorks From the article "women were more concerned with ... social status and financial prospects"
Yes, I'm sure many men will be stunned to learn that. 

simple simon a year ago
The attractive and professional people are with the attractive and professional . The less-glamorous and professional are with the less-glamorous and professional. The attractive non-professional are with attractive non-professional. And the less-glamorous non-professional are with the less-glamorous non-professional. 

Shouldn't we just cut out all the crap, and tell it like it is?
@simple simon Only that's not how it goes. Plenty of rich but unattractive men are coupled with very attractive women (who are not uncommonly of a lower economic or professional standing) - it's not a simple matter of like partnering with like. 
simple simon a year ago
@mamamia-user-482898552 Plenty of rich ... men are coupled with ... women ... of a lower economic [status]
When I was in high school, in a subject called 'Money and You', our (female) teacher was telling us all the expenses you have to meet as an adult; and then telling us we had to have a plan. A girl yelled out "marry a rich man". Our female teacher (who I'm sure had thought of that herself) told her the reality: "the rich stay with the rich".

Gossip outlets like to highlight rich (and unattractive) men marrying (attractive but) not so rich women. And we analyse these marriages believing they can tell us something about male-female psychology and society. But the reality is, they are an anomaly. Generally speaking, rich men don't marry poor women. (And rich women absolutely never marry poor, low-status men.)
mamamia-user-482898552 a year ago 1 upvotes
@simple simon I work with a bucket-load of rich professional men. Lots have trophy wives - they're attractive but come from little money of their own, and on the whole their careers are tiny, if they exist at all. Of those men in my industry who have married fellow-professional women, I can't think of any whose wives haven't taken a back seat to the careers of their husbands. In this setting, men act as a handbrake for women's careers. The opposite isn't true, sadly.

I agree that rich women rarely marry poor men. Marriage isn't a situation that benefits women in any way, so if you're female and comparatively well-off already, why would you put yourself at risk and potential disadvantage by marrying anyone?
mamamia-user-482898552 a year ago 1 upvotes
@simple simon Being a nurse is bloody hard work. There are much easier and quicker ways of meeting an eligible doctor than becoming a nurse!