Weddings are wonderful.
They bring people together and remind us that love is lovely. From near and far, friends and family flood to churches, chapels and gardens to score free champagne watch two people commit to one another for the rest of their lives.
It’s a beautiful thing to be a part of, unless, of course, you aren’t invited. In which case, it kind of sucks.
Mumsnet user GentlybytheStream knows the pain all too well.
“I got a text today from my brother to say he got married last Tuesday with a nice photo of their wedding,” the woman wrote on the parenting website this week.
“We are not close – but I thought he might have at least a small family wedding. I’m in turmoil as I know it’s their right to get married however they want – and I really do mean that – but I’m so sad not to have a positive family event,” she wrote.
“We’ve had a few sadnesses over the last few years and when he got engaged it was a bright spot. I don’t have much family and feel sad that the few of us there are will not have experienced a happy family event. I know I am being awful but I feel so sad.
She went on:
“My father is very ill – I thought he was a goner in January – and obviously I put more importance on the idea of a family event than I should. I don’t mean for the sake of a big wedding – just something we could enjoy and I could say to my kids ‘look mummy has a family too – this is where she comes from. And sometimes nice things happen to her family.’
“Just so sad tonight. I mean – being told by text. But at the same time they had no family there at all so it’s not personal. My parents are fine with it so I’ve no excuse to feel sad which makes it worse.”
“Would you feel sad too or am I being incredibly silly?” the woman asked the parenting forum.
Fellow Mumsnet users were quick to support GentlybytheStream, while acknowledging that it was her brother’s personal decision.
“[You are not being unreasonable] to feel this way – yes, they have every right to get married how they want but you have every right to feel disappointed that it didn’t involve you,” one woman responded.
“I would feel sad. I love a family party but for whatever reason your brother didn’t want that. I think you could tell him you were sad to be told by text,” wrote another.
“You’re allowed to feel sad, so you’re not being unreasonable, but I guess it’s up to him to have the wedding he wanted.”
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“I think you should take your sadness and channel it into something positive,” one replied.
“Send your brother a lovely present and card, and tell him how much you would love to reconnect. Ask him if he would be willing to plan a small reunion of sorts so your families can get to know each other better. Perhaps meeting halfway for a long weekend holiday.”
“Why not organise a family meal for him to celebrate and build bridges, ask him to bring his photos, have a bottle of bubbly?”
I guess weddings are just as tricky as they are wonderful…
What do you think about secret weddings? Would you be in hurt in this situation? Tell us below.
Top Comments
I get it. I wasn't invited to my Father's second marriage (or the third - same person as second). Neither was my brother. We weren't close 'cause I lived with Mum but we did spend time together regularly, visited him at work, went on drives, talked, hang out, etc. Their excuse was I had school or we wouldn't have wanted to come which was BS (I could have skipped school, legally and with notice, of course - the school would have understood). Still something I'm sad/mad about to this day because my brother and I do love him and wanted to celebrate with him.
It's now been over 10 years of marriage for them and they're much happier together than my parents were - I have a better relationship with both of them now but it's still something I'll carry with me.
Bit different when no family or friends are invited and it is their choice (for the brother in the article) but the feelings? Those feelings are yours and are valid. You have the right to feel them (imposing them on others as expectations is different and not right).
But maybe something that should have been said over the phone. Or in person depending on how the relationship between siblings is.
It's not unreasonable to feel a bit sad, I would be a little disappointed to not be at my brother's wedding. I'd be interested to know the brother's reasoning, has there been a lot of family drama that he was trying to avoid ]? She says they're not close, I wonder what the rest of the story is.