'My friend wrote a "man wish list". I disagreed with almost everything on it.'

You never know what secret women’s business might go down when the girls get together: bizarre confessions, jaw-dropping announcements, hilarious stories of embarrassment, but my friend’s Man Wish List really took the cake at her 55th birthday lunch.

Now, perhaps the first thing you’re thinking here is "should there be a list at all?"

That certainly was my initial reaction. We all remember that episode of Friends when Ross made a comparison list between Rachel and Julie and things went horribly, horribly wrong. Still, this list was about an imaginary man so no one got hurt/judged. Besides, in this age of online dating, aren’t preferences stated from the get-go these days?

While you're here, learn the relationship deal breakers from the Mamamia team. Post continues after video.

So, back to my friend. Let’s call her Lady S considering she’s decided to Stop with all the Sh*t relationships and find that Special Someone. Stopping in the name of love, perhaps? Well, maybe I’m getting ahead of myself there but that’s the thing: I am a hopeless romantic.

Which meant I had a few problems with some things on this list.

It all started when she’d blown out the candles and opened the presents and we were sitting there with our wine, discussing what was next in her 56th trip around the sun. What did she want? Travel? A new job? A new man?

"Yes," said Lady S, to the delight of we three other, long-coupled women at the table. "But this time there are rules. In fact, I’ve made a wish list."

"Oh, do tell." said BFF1.

We all leaned forward as she pulled up the list on her phone, eager to live vicariously through her for a while. Not that any of us are unhappy in our relationships, just that romance is a drug we simply can’t resist. That’s the way I saw it, anyway. Yes, there it is again, romance. Hopeless. 

"Well, number one is that he must have a good job. Generous six-figure salary, minimum."

Whoosh. Out went my first birthday candle of romantic idealism. Does he need to make a lot of dosh, really? That’s your first stipulation? But before I started mentally chiding Lady S for being materialistic, I reminded myself that she’s been out with some users in her time, including a few who’d made her pay. Literally.

"My Dutch treating days are over," she explained, confirming my theory.

"But what if he’s just out of work for now and down on his luck..." I ventured.

"No. That could go on for years. I’m not carrying anyone, ever again."

Fair enough, I supposed.

"What's next?" asked BFF2.

"Let's see," said Lady S, perusing her list. "Well, I would like his equipment to be in working order," she said, causing me to choke on my wine. "My HRT is kicking in. I can go there again now."

BFF1 nodded again, agape as BFF2 rapidly ordered another bottle.

"Or he couldn’t just be good at… you know…" BFF1 said.

"As long as he doesn’t expect it from me," said Lady S. "Those types of Dutch treating days are over too."

Fortunately, the waiter arrived with the new bottle of wine and it spared us from responding to this as we dissolved into teary laughter, although we couldn’t look him in the eye.

"Dear god, so what else?" asked BFF2 once he was gone.

"Well, he needs to be a good cook, and tidy. Definitely tidy," she said, flicking through her list. "And he has to be a good dresser. I need someone with fashion sense."

"A metrosexual," confirmed BFF1.

"Exactly. Oh, and he needs to be able to flamenco."

I choked on my wine again. "Flamenco?" I spluttered.

"Or salsa," she said with a wave of her hand, like that made him easier to find. "He also needs to enjoy shopping and café brunches," Lady S added, and I was starting to wonder if metrosexual was the right word.

"Anything else?" BFF1 asked.

"Not really, although I do love to sail, so a boat would be an added bonus. Preferably a yacht."

She put down her phone and sat back, smiling matter-of-factly, but then BFF2 made an interesting point. 

"I think you might want to date yourself."

This was met with much laughter, yet it was a bit too true. And everything about this list was offending my romantic views on finding love. My idealistic self couldn’t help but point this out.

"But you can over plan it though, can’t you? What about opposites attract and sliding doors, serendipity…"

"None of that’s ever worked before," Lady S quipped, picking up her glass and pointing it my way. "No, I’m going to be smart about it this time, and no offence but you need to take off those rose-coloured glasses of yours. Not every meeting starts out like the perfect love story. It’s real life. It’s a relationship sure, but it’s also a partnership like anything else. You need to be compatible."

This might not have been quite so strong a point if I hadn’t actually been wearing physical rose-coloured glasses at the time, but, aside from that unfortunate fact, it was still a bit too clinical from my point of view. 

"I guess, but there are so many things missing on that list for me," I said, "not that I’m one to talk, I suppose." Having been with my hubby since I was a teenager, what did I know about the dating game? But I do know about falling and staying in love so I ventured on. "The very first thing I would want is kindness. You need a kind man, above all."

"Being able to care for himself and be a good provider is being kind," Lady S pointed out.

"Yes, but in other ways, too. After all these years, I’ve come to realise what you really want is a best friend. Someone who makes you a cup of tea when you’re sick. Who… who holds your hand at your father’s funeral. Who’s in your corner, cheering you on your hardest days, you know?"

BFF1 looked across at me tearfully. "Kindness is everything."

"Pfft, men always come across as kind at first. How are supposed to know if it's just an act or the real deal?" Lady S pointed out. "No, I'm being smart about this. I'm looking for what I want and don't want up front, then taking it from there."

"So, what don’t you want?" BFF1 asked.

"A non-shopping slob who can’t cook or discuss finance and refuses to flamenco," reminded BFF2.

"You may have narrowed it down a tad too much," BFF1 said.

"Yes, I thought expectations were supposed to lower as you get older," said BFF2. "I read something about that the other day: when I was twenty I wanted a hot millionaire who treated me like a queen, when I was forty I wanted a man with a decent job who flushed the toilet and at seventy I’m just hoping he knows where the toilet is."

"Is that in your age range?" BFF2 wanted to know after we recovered from that.

"I'd say so. I guess I'm looking anywhere from forty to seventy-five."

Wow. Really? But I supposed that's about right.

"Looks?"

She shrugged. "I'm not too fussed, as long as he's well-groomed."

"Yes, I couldn't be with someone smelly," said BFF2. "Definitely a deal breaker."

"I need flowers and romantic dinners," BFF1 said. "I just do."

I considered all of this, still thinking kindness is more important than anything to me, and love, of course. But how do you put that on a list? 'Must love me.' Sounds needy and possibly bunny-boiler, even to a hopeless romantic like myself.

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And so, the conversation continued, and I was still thinking about it the next day, to the point I researched this further, putting it out there to my female Facebook friends: what would/wouldn’t they all put on their man wish lists?

The answers were many and varied, and just as straight-up as Lady S at times:

No to: Angry guys, 'treating me like a servant', baggage ('carry-on is okay but anything with a heavy sticker need not apply'), cheaters, doesn't like his mother, no values, 'elite wankers', addictions, bad temper, 'man children' who sulk, pout and throw 'mantrums', self-absorbed or entitled, 'himbos' (she'd been watching Love Island), arrogant men or liars.

Interestingly, they had far more positives on their lists:

Yes to: Kindness (number one for a lot of others I soon discovered), not sweating stuff and being calm, willingness to spend time with family and entertain himself, honesty, open-mindfulness, having money (not alone there, Lady S), getting it up (not alone there either!), manners, sense of humour (very popular wish), anyone that doesn't belong to someone else, a good communicator, a sense of fun and who looks after themselves, intelligence, emotional intelligence, compassion, sense of curiosity, keen to do things together, trust, thoughtfulness, great arms, basically a book boy (oh yes!), willing to share the mental load, 'respected my job was time-consuming', cool with bodies that aren't 'sexy' by supermodel standards, humility and with a willingness to see each other's strengths, someone adventurous, teeth (!)... and a little touch of charisma.

I’m still pondering it all as I write this article, blown away by some of the honest and insightful answers of Lady S and my friends. 

I actually think nothing they want is unreasonable (with the possible exception of flamenco dancing) and remain as perplexed as they are as I read their additional comments like "hence I’m single" and "where are these guys??" I’m left wondering what else I would or wouldn’t put on my list if I found myself in their shoes. 

I’ve only really come to one conclusion as I look over at my kind hubby: I’m feeling fortunate I don’t have to.

Feature Image: Supplied/Mamamia.

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