Are you experiencing a new life chapter at the moment?
How do you feel about it? Overwhelmed? Excited? Confused? Unsure? Perhaps you are still looking towards a future you desperately want - but haven't yet grasped.
"Why am I still renting?"
"How come everyone seems to be in a committed and loving relationship, but I'm not?"
"How the hell do I navigate motherhood?"
It's an incredibly normal feeling to wish you were at another point in your life, one that seems happier or offers more stability. So how do we learn to appreciate this current chapter of our lives?
According to Hugh van Cuylenburg, the founder of The Resilience Project, it's all about embracing each 'life season'.
Hugh spoke to Allira Potter on Mamamia's Fill My Cup about this phenomenon - and why it may be the answer to our problems.
Allira is someone who is very in tune with spirituality and wellbeing.
Regardless, she too knows what it feels like to crave a different life season.
"I often feel like sometimes in this current chapter, I'm wishing I was in [a different] chapter of my life because I'm not satisfied and not happy. When I was in my teenage years, I wanted to rush being a teenager because I hated it so much. Then when I was an adult, I was finally there, and I had everything I wanted, but it just wasn't good enough," she shared on Fill My Cup.
At the age of 31, the podcast host said she still wasn't 100 per cent satisfied by her current life stage.
Because when you're in the depths, it can be hard to look from a bird's-eye view and appreciate all that chapter has to offer.
And this is exactly what Hugh is aiming to flip - to get us to recognise the small joys and wins in each life season.
“We’re all going through our own separate cycles and to compare ourselves to others is just a recipe for disaster and shFor Hugh, he and his wife Penny are in the young kids phase of life. With three little ones, Hugh describes it as a "bizarre, exhausting and shattering time of life". Of course, it's also full of love and excitement - but there are moments that really get to you, often due to a complete lack of sleep.
"We had a moment the other day where our nanny came over in the morning to look after the two older kids. And I said to her: 'How's your morning?' It was just a throwaway question because it was eight in the morning and all I had done was change nappies and get the kids ready for kindergarten. And she said, 'Yeah, good. I went for a run along the Yarra River in Melbourne then went for coffee with friends'," Hugh recalled.
"When she took the kids outside, I turned to Penny and said, 'I'm so envious of that. Imagine getting up to go for a run and hanging out with friends.'"
It was at this point that Penny handed Hugh her phone. On it was Kimberly Gillan's Sydney Morning Herald article entitled: 'Are you in tune with your life season?'
After reading the article, Hugh experienced a lightbulb moment.
"It was quite literally life changing. Our life is full of seasons. So often, when we're in a season or chapter, we spend time wishing we were in a different season."
Teenagers want to grow up fast. Young adults want to be done with studying. People in their late 20s begin to fear their 30s. The cycle goes on and on.
For Hugh, when he was in his early 30s, everyone around him was getting married, settling down and having kids, but he wasn't at that stage yet.
Now he has an incredible wife and three beautiful kids. But sometimes, he catches himself reminiscing about his younger years and the freedom he had - the freedom of little responsibility. He also catches himself thinking that things will be easier when the kids get older and when they have their own lives. But maybe then, he will long for the early years when the kids were little and carefree. The ultimate catch-22.
"I'll always be longing for a different season. The thing I love about seasons and chapters is that both chapters and seasons, they end, they come, and they go, and then a new season or a new chapter starts," Hugh shared.
"I now know there's a beautiful process behind each chapter that I'll never ever get again in my life. Don't rush the next chapter. It's a chapter. It will end."
This is a sentiment that 75-year-old Anne is feeling. Speaking to Mamamia, Anne said that her new life season of "older age" has been challenging to navigate following a bout of ill health and her recent move to a local retirement village.
With change, there are often feelings of discomfort and a yearning for what's gone. But given she is now in one of her final chapters, Anne has decided to take it with both hands and enjoy this season for what it is.
"I've started looking at the positives of my new situation. I have more free time on my hands and I have more opportunities to interact with people now that I live in a retirement village. I can still look back fondly on my younger years - I just don't want to get caught up in the comparison," Anne explained.
It's practical strategies like these that Hugh recommends people embrace.
For Hugh, he has decided to name each of his 'life seasons'. One was the 'Guy in University' stage. Another could be the 'Looking for Love' stage. And the one he is currently in is his 'Mr Caregiving' stage.
By labelling his life stages, Hugh isn't placing a value on them or suggesting one is better than the other. They're just different. And that's normal.
"Not all chapters are great. Some people are going through hell right now, and they don't want to embrace that life season. That's okay too."
Because at the end of the day, each and every one of us is going through a life season at the moment. Some are chaotic. Some are blissful. Others are tough.
But the key is not to compare one's life season with another - instead, it's about embracing the small joys and learning to accept what life looks like at the moment. And that's the greatest lesson Hugh has ever learned.
Feature Image: Canva.
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