For Priscilla Jeha, she knows what it's like to raise not one, but two kids on her own.
When she was approaching 40, Priscilla felt very aware of her 'clock', and knew motherhood was something she really wanted.
"I wondered 'what's my game plan' – there's no partner, there's no one I'm completely smitten with and no one on the horizon. So I went through all my options. And, getting a sperm donor was the best choice," Priscilla told Mamamia.
At the time Priscilla was living in London. After doing lots of research, she found a clinic with sperm donors sourced from America – the rest is history.
Via one round of IVF, Priscilla fell pregnant with twins. And, in 2016, they were born – a daughter, Tallulah and son, Angus.
Now that her twins are six, Priscilla knows the hard yards of being a solo mum, as well as the special joys. And with plenty of experience in this domain, here are the questions Priscilla gets asked all the time about choosing to parent solo – and her honest answers to them.
What do you think empowered you to have your kids solo?
"I absolutely knew what I wanted. I was also a professional woman who had a good-paying job, and that's a big part of the decision-making process when you have the means to have a child on your own.
"My family knew it was the right decision for me as well. I'm quite adventurous, I'm confident, and self-assured. When I make up my mind about something, then that's it. And, my family were proud of me whichever way motherhood would happen."
What's the best piece of information you learned from other solo mothers?
"I've learned so much, it's been endless. A big one is the fact breastfeeding is actually one of the most nutritionally demanding times in a mother's life. Many of us have heard of the all-important first 1000 days of life, and how that critical window lays the foundations for lifelong development and health. I was surrounded by lots of breastfeeding mothers when I had my kids, some of which were solo parents too like me, and it was definitely a learning curve at the time to realise that your body needs more nutrients in that period," Priscilla said.
Maintaining a high level of nutrients required to support the parent as well as the growing baby can be difficult with food alone. And, that's where supplements can be useful.
Elevit is Australia’s most trusted pregnancy vitamin, and has supported over two million pregnancies in the last 20 years. Since mums are well aware of how demanding breastfeeding can be on a woman's body, a specific breastfeeding multivitamin supplement can be useful to help meet the increased nutritional requirements of breastfeeding.
Elevit Breastfeeding multivitamin has been specially formulated to help achieve increased nutrient levels to support a baby's ongoing healthy development, thanks to essential vitamins, minerals and omega-3 DHA.
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What was it like solo parenting in those early years?
"I did the first year mostly on my own, other than the odd babysitter. From the second year, I decided to get a live-in nanny from Monday to Friday as it was just too much of a juggle.
"It just drew every ounce of energy from your body, and I was just running on empty. But, I had a mindset that despite the exhaustion, I saw the rise of each sunset and new day as an opportunity to reset. I still felt like I'd won the lotto every single day to have these two kids."
How did you go with feeding the babies?
"In the early days, you're literally feeding them on a three-hour schedule. So, by the time I had finished feeding and burping one of them, it was time for the other twin.
"It was a whirlwind. When you've only got one set of hands and there's two babies who need you, you have to be doing multiple things at once. The thought of an octopus really comes to mind! You just have to multi-task like crazy and be adaptable."
What's been the most surprising challenge of raising a baby (two babies!) without a partner?
"You cannot tap out. Recently, it dawned on me again. I was around lots of couples and saw them lean on their respective partner to help with one of their kids who was driving them bonkers. As a solo mum, it's a luxury you don't have. Not having another set of hands and another whole human's worth of patience can be tough. That's the biggest learning curve."
Do you have a good support system around you?
"I had a mother who was really supportive, and my family too. Friends weren't around as much, but it's understandable when they have their own lives. I mostly relied on help from people who I paid. When you finally find the right rhythm and support structure, it makes the household run smoothly."
How do people typically react to you being a solo parent?
"They're often super interested. I don't get a lot of judgement, fortunately. Often they just wonder how I manage it all. And the truth is some days I do, and some days I don't. Just like any parent."
How do you reflect on the whole experience now?
"I still wouldn't change a thing. I'm very pragmatic and realistic, but also insanely grateful. There's a lot of people who might try to talk you out of it, but go with what your gut, head and heart tell you to do. And, I am adamant to change the perception that the sole mother should be pitied – they're empowered, and for me, it was my decision, and it's something to be celebrated."
For other mums wanting to go down the solo route, or who have just given birth and are single mums, what do you want them to know?
"If you're thinking about it, just remember to go into this big decision with your eyes wide open. Crazy stuff happens, it does push your limits – like with any parent. But, be ready to roll with it and it'll be the best choice you've ever made. I know for me and my family it is."
Support your breastfeeding journey with Elevit Breastfeeding multivitamin, it contains essential vitamins, minerals, and omega-3 for your baby’s ongoing healthy development. Available at your local pharmacy.
Always read the label and follow the directions for use.
Most trusted pregnancy vitamin based on Kantar Brand Research, Sept 2021.
Elevit estimates that they have supported 2 million babies over the last 20 years based on ABS Births 2001-2019, FiftyFive5 Brand Penetration research 2018 and Fiftyfive5 Green Cross 2 Research 2021.
For more from Priscilla, you can follow her business page here.
Feature Image: Supplied.
Always read the label and follow the directions for use.