Christine and Janie hated the 'clinical' sperm donor process. So they posted an ad on Facebook.

Like many same-sex couples, Christine*, and her partner Janie*, went directly to a fertility clinic after deciding to start a family. 

It was the only route they knew of, but the experience wasn't anything like they had hoped. "For one, it was very clinical," says Christine. 

"For instance, during our one psychological therapy, the therapist didn't ask about our family structure, or why we wanted to start a family. The focus was on what 'name' we were going to give our donor."

The couple was also deterred by the strict rules around donor access, particularly the fact that recipients don't meet potential donors in person. There are also restrictions regarding children contacting their donor before turning 18. 

"I wanted to meet in person, do a vibe check. You can look great on a piece of paper, and you could meet them and they're a complete weirdo," Christine says. 

"It's also not beneficial for children to not know where they've come from. I wanted to be able to foster a relationship with the bio father and determine who they are going to be in the child's life."

Watch: If only we could be in our baby's head for a day... Article continues after the video.

It was expensive too, costing $800 just to sign up to the sperm donor registry. So the couple decided to explore other options, and after doing some online research, came across the Sperm Donation Australia group on Facebook. 

The strictly monitored and moderated page is designed to connect potential sperm donors and recipients, who then facilitate the legal process of sperm donation.

Although Christine and Janie came across several similar pages, they were drawn to the strict rules and guidelines of this group, which also keeps track of match-ups and subsequent births. 

After posting in the group about their wants and needs, the couple received multiple expressions of interest from potential donors. 

"It was important to us that our donor was open to meeting our child," says Christine, although the donor would also be willing to forfeit any parental rights to the child. 

Before meeting in person, the couple requested genetic testing and an STI check, which the donor agreed to, and confirmed he was happy with artificial insemination as the agreed method. 

The donor was agreeable, so they all met in person, and decided the fit was a good one. They mutually agreed to signing a donor contract to ensure parental intent was clear, and the rest is history, with Christine eventually giving birth to a little boy. 

"It was absolutely incredible. An indescribable feeling," says Christine. 

Their donor paid the couple and their new baby a visit once they returned home, and took a photo with their son. 

"We don't have anything set in stone, but he's quite open to contact with our son. We give him general updates when it feels right, and milestones," she says. 

"We are comfortable with the mutual relationship that we built prior, and that we're on the same page and our values are aligned, so we feel comfortable enough that we don't need anything too strict. 

"We'll let our son lead us and if he wants to know more about his donor dad."

What is Sperm Donation Australia?

Sperm Donation Australia was founded by Adam Hooper, following his own positive experience with sperm donation. 

"I came across a same-sex couple that expressed an interest in starting their own family, and how hard it was to find a donor," Adam says. "I went away that day thinking this is something I would potentially be open to helping people with."

Adam explored the option of donating to clinics, but was put off by the privacy policy that meant he wouldn't know who was receiving his sperm. 

"This did not sit well for me. It felt so shallow-minded to contribute to this flawed system," he says. 

"This was during 2014 and internet dating was really taking off and becoming highly popular. I thought, well if people are meeting their future partner this way, why can't donors and recipients meet and see if both parties are comfortable with each other to proceed?"

When he first looked into online sperm donation, he found a black market, so he set about creating an online community with integrity, designed to screen out those who had given the existing community a bad reputation. 

"If you create some with high standards, you will attract decent like-minded people, if you create something of low standard then you attract undesirable people," says Adam.

Adam Hooper is the founder of Sperm Donation Australia. Image: Supplied. 

Adam says the group has been a success because of its strict rules and guidelines. To join, you must either have an identifiable Facebook account or provide ID to administrators. Administers will then check the social conduct of the account before accepting the user into the group. 

The process works like this: people will list their preferred insemination methods, along with their wants and needs via a post, and potential donors will contact. If anyone contacts the poster suggesting alternative methods, they will receive an instant ban. 

"This is clear cut and works effectively minimising anyone from feeling pressured or feeling uncomfortable," says Adam.

It's then up to the individuals to decide how and where they're going to meet. From there, people can elect their form of donation. A donor can't profit from donating, but expenses can be covered, such as fuel or travel costs, in order to make the donation happen. 

What about the rules? "The rules are quite simple—you need to respect someone's post. If someone writes something in their post and it's not respected, that will serve a ban. Basic manners and common courtesy, reliability, and ensuring you're healthy and clean."

The growth of "unofficial" sperm donation. 

Dr Leah Gilman is a sociologist working at The University of Sheffield, in the UK. She currently leads the Digital Donor Conception Study, the first study of its kind which seeks to understand people’s experiences of donating or conceiving via informal (non-clinical) routes.

"Informal or DIY practices of donor conception have a long history in LGBTQ communities," Dr Gilman says. 

"In many ways, it is unsurprising that, as a digital society, people have created and appropriated digital platforms like Facebook for the purposes of finding or becoming a sperm donor."

The increasing digital mediation of informal donor conception has no intrinsic or inevitable consequences, she says. 

"How Facebook groups like Sperm Donation Australia, or indeed other online platforms for sperm donation, are used and understood is varied and shaped by multiple factors, including the design of the platforms themselves, laws and regulation in relation to assisted reproduction, and cultural norms in relation to gender, family and procreation."

According to Dr Gilman, the reasons why someone might choose an informal route over a clinic are varied and complex. 

"For some intended parents, part of the reason may be barriers to accessing clinical treatment, such as lack of funds to pay for treatment and the knowledge that, even if they can find the money, the outcome remains uncertain. 

"However, many people also actively choose informal routes because they want to use a known donor who they and their child or children might be able to know throughout their life."

Others may simply prefer to conceive in a domestic, non-clinical setting with minimal medical intervention. 

"Or because of the long history of informal/DIY donor conception in the queer community. If people find a donor they know and trust, home insemination may appear the easiest and most straightforward method of conception."

Sperm Donation Australia currently has around 21,000 members, most of those active, with around 30 requests to join per day. 

"I think psychologically it provides more answers than what the clinics provide," says Adam, regarding the group's growing popularity.  

"To see a donor's traits, features, personality, is only really doing the proper due diligence for their future children. Clinics have failed to evolve and update their donor profiles to meet the expectations of most people. 

"The fantastic thing about this community is you can find exactly what you want. Some women want a donor that plays an active role, similar to an uncle figure, some people just like updates, some people like group meet ups with the donor and other recipients. There is so much flexibility here to suit everyone."

According to Adam, in 2021, the group facilitated 528 births. That figure grew to 903 births in 2023. 

Why do men donate their sperm?

After reading an article about Sperm Donation Australia, Michael Rixon joined the group out of curiosity. 

"I saw the overwhelming number of positive stories and posts of women having children and saving themselves many tens of thousands of dollars in the process. I saw how much good the page was doing for them and felt I could potentially help," Michael says. 

"I read the rules and I made a post about myself with the priority of helping married, financially stable female couples have their own family. I wanted to ensure that there was a very high likelihood that the couple I donated to would stay together in a loving, long-term marriage so that the child would have a happy upbringing."

For Michael, it's important that any potential recipients meet his strict criteria. 

"They should have a good support network of family or friends and be willing to send updates every 3-6 months. I also chat to them before donating so I can sense that they have good mental health and friendly personalities."

Michael and his recipients always sign a donor agreement, that is witnessed by a third party. 

Michael Rixon. Image: supplied.

"The agreement makes it crystal clear who is the donor, who is the recipient and that the donor has no legal or guardianship rights over any donor-conceived children through the arrangement, and it's up to the discretion of the recipient as to when the donor is welcome to visit the child. Likewise, the donor has no financial obligations or medical bills to pay for the donor-conceived child."

While Michael won't reveal the specific number of successful pregnancies that have resulted from his donations, he says the number falls between one and ten. 

Despite the label, Michael feels the online process is less "informal" than what many people experience in a clinic. 

"The alternative option of going through a clinic and picking at random an anonymous sperm donor who you may never get to meet is much more informal."

What about the risks?

Associate Professor Neera Bhatia, Director of the Law, Health and Society Research Unit at Deakin University, says while there might be some benefits—such as building a connection or relationship with a sperm donor—informal donations may be risky for the recipient, especially if the donor later decides to fight for parental rights. 

"This is especially pertinent if conception took place via natural insemination (sexual intercourse)," Associate Professor Bhatia says. 

"Informal sperm donation means there is no formal record keeping of how many times a sperm donor has donated. 

"This leads to the very real risks of consanguinity in adult couples conceived using an unknown donor—where two adults might meet one another and become romantically involved and inbreed—not knowing that they are genetically related.

"There are other health-related risks with using unscreened sperm and associated risks of inheritable genetic conditions or infectious disease that are unknown. Further, there are potential risks of coercion, exploitation, and violation of sexual identity of the female recipient. In some cases, women (may) be exploited into having sexual intercourse with the sperm donor."

Associate Professor Bhatia believes more extensive research is required as a matter of urgency. 

"Where social media is used for sourcing sperm for family creation, there is an urgent and necessary need for oversight and a better understanding of the obstacles or barriers that are preventing individuals from using regulated systems." 

But Adam says Sperm Donation Australia's risk minimisation processes have worked, and the group currently claims a "100 per cent success rate", with no reports of STIs, assaults or legal issues — and hundreds of babies born.

"Life is a risk," he says. "Every time you get behind the wheel in a car there is a risk a drunk driver could crash into you. The important thing is we have such a great reporting culture that anything inappropriate gets acted on very quickly.

"There is a good reason that our group is now 10 years old and we have never made the newspapers due to any horror story. Something must be going right and it's a testament to everyone in the community looking out for each other and the reputation we have forged over time."

As for Christine, she says she couldn't recommend the group or the process highly enough. 

"I'm not one to push people away from clinics, they have their place. But for people, especially for people who don't have fertility issues, there are so many donors willing to give people what they want."

Dr Gilman says it's time to move beyond a 'just say no' approach to informal donor conception, which means talking about the benefits people experience as well as the risks and challenges encountered. 

"It would mean changing policies and practices to ensure that parents and donors who use this route and crucially the donor conceived people who are conceived this way are recognised and supported. 

"We need to acknowledge that there are many ways in which people use informal and online routes to donor conception. For some people, this will be the right way for them to conceive or donate. We need to share these positive stories and the more cautionary tales."

*names have been changed to protect privacy.

Feature image: Getty.