My husband Trevor and I agreed, before we got married, that we did not want children. Over the years, after our wedding, we would check in with each other to ensure we were still of the same mind, and we never faulted.
That was until 2016, when three life-changing events happened: my 22-year career with Telstra ended; my sister and her husband had a beautiful baby boy, whom I just love to babysit; and a friend of ours asked us to stand in for him during a medical procedure for his young daughter who was undergoing treatment for leukaemia.
I am very pleased to say, our friend’s daughter survived her battle with cancer and is now thriving into adulthood but at the time, she seemed so small and vulnerable and it felt good to be able to be there for her.
Watch: Meet Ajda, a foster carer. Post continues below.
This, along with many drives down the coast to babysit my nephew which caused me to pass a roadside billboard which read, "Can you become a foster carer?", made me ask Trev what he thought of the idea.
Trev was very supportive, but I still had doubts. My main concern was my lack of parenting experience, so I decided to give myself a crash course by becoming a nanny for six months. After this experiment proved successful, Trev and I began our training to become carers through a foster care agency.
Since then, we have had over 30 little lodgers (from 6 months old to 17 years of age) stay with us on an emergency or respite basis. We also had a permanent child for four years, who we are still in touch with and we hope to never lose that connection.
What I would like prospective foster carers to know.
Foster carers are in demand now more than ever, with the rate of children in foster care on the rise. One of the main causes being blamed for this sudden increase is the COVID-19 pandemic, with families being put under additional pressure due to related issues, such as unemployment and isolation.
Foster carers come in many shapes and sizes – be it a couple or a single person, or younger or older carers. (My husband and I are both over 50).
So too, foster care comes in a variety of forms – it can be a temporary, medium, or a long term living arrangement for young ones who cannot live in their family home because it has become unsafe for them to do so. This is generally due to abuse, neglect, or because their family is unable to care for them (for example, due to illness or incarceration).
As a foster carer, these children may come to you with behavioural problems or developmental issues due to past trauma but you will be supported by an agency to help them. There are many foster care agencies out there who would welcome you to become part of a foster child’s care team. Your child’s care team has the main aim of reunification, that is placing the child back with their bio-family, where possible. This is very important for a foster carer to keep in mind.
To any prospective foster carers out there, I am not going to sugar-coat it, there will be head lice; possibly numerous seemingly silly arguments over this or that; and a child in your care might even run away. We have been through all of this. But while fostering can be challenging and painful at times, it is ultimately a fulfilling and wonderful experience.
You do not need to be a perfect parent, all you need is room in your heart and your home for a small lodger. Your agency will provide the rest (for example, training for you, assessment of yourself and your home, and an agency support worker will work with you and will put you in touch with the recommended support services, etc.)
For more information on what it's like being a foster carer, check out Sandra's blog here.
Feature Image: Sandra with her nephew Micah.
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