'We’ve decided we’re only having one child... it doesn’t stop the comments.'

"So, when are you having another baby?"

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked that question, I’d probably have about 84 bucks… which isn’t a huge amount of money but IS a huge amount of times to be asked that question.

Since my daughter arrived nearly four years ago, people — everyone from close friends to strangers in the shops — have seemed very eager to know when I’ll be giving her a sibling.

"We’re happy with one," I smiled whenever someone asked. Or on the more testing days, I’d say, "one is more than enough."

Watch: Child-free by choice. Post continues below. 

So many people told me I’d change my mind. That when I was out of the brain fog and the nappies and the leaps and the broken sleep and the starting solids, I’d feel different. And part of me thought that might be true.

But I didn’t change my mind. Neither did my husband. We’d have conversations where we’d try to convince ourselves we should go again. That we might regret it later if we don't.

But we’re totally content. We’re sleeping again (most nights). And we're very happy being a 'triangle family'.

Plus, people seem to be forgetting the extra cost, the extra space, the extra time needed off work and the risk of another traumatic birth that come with having another child (if you’re even so lucky as to be able to conceive a second time).

But that choice, as I’ve discovered, makes people very uncomfortable.

"Don’t you worry she’ll be lonely?"

"It’s criminal to not have another one."

"Oh, but she’ll want a sibling to play with."

"You can’t do that, what about when you’re old and she has no one else?"

All these things have been said directly to my face without much thought for any individual circumstances that have influenced our choice.

And they’re all things I worry about. Of course I do. Any parent wants what’s best for their kid. Especially the last one, that hurts the most. 

For some people it’s not a choice at all — it’s the hand that life deals them and they may not be able to have, or afford, another child despite desperately wanting to.

Whatever the reason, the number of "onlies" is rising in Australia.

An Australian Bureau of Statistics report this year found we’re experiencing near-record low fertility rates and that families are going to have an average of 1.6 babies over the next five years (the international average is 2.3).

So if having "just the one" is more common than ever, why is it still seen as a weird choice? And why are these kids still dealing with the stereotypes of being spoiled, lonely weirdos?

Even the term "only child" is laced with judgement. Clearly, "onlies" are having a PR problem.

Wanting to get to the bottom of it (partly for my own selfish purposes), I spoke to Dr Rosina McAlpine. She’s the CEO of Win Win Parenting, holds a Masters of Higher Education and has reviewed the extensive research on the only child 'phenomenon' as an international parenting and family wellbeing expert. (She’s also appearing on Insight’s 'Only Children' episode next Tuesday September 3, which you can watch here).

"There has been a lot of research disproving the myth that only children will be worse off than children with siblings," Dr McAlpine told Mamamia.

She said the stereotypes likely stem back to "old school" psychologist Stanley Hall who led a series of studies on children in the late 1800s — that would not be considered credible research today — and concluded "being an only child is a disease in itself".

And for many years, other academics and the media spread this false conclusion. But since then, extensive research has been done — including a reputable study by Professor Toni Falbo which found otherwise. 

"Basically, the statistics (from the Falbo study) show that only borns generally do equally as well as first borns and children in two-child families and surpass children from large families across all of the measures of academic achievement, intelligence, or sociability, character and parent-child relationship," Dr McApline said.

"In other words, only borns are not likely to grow up selfish, unsociable, lonely underachievers!"

The reasons behind the growth of "one and done" families is due to a multitude of factors.

"There are so many reasons, including financial (children can be expensive), people having children later in life, fertility issues, no village," Dr McApline said.

"People are (also) more empowered to make their own personal lifestyle choices and follow their dreams or career aspirations and not be so driven by social expectations. Families (also) come in so many forms today… single parent, blended families, co-parenting, so it’s OK to have one child — it’s just part of the mix!"

In fact, it was Dr McAlpine's own family dynamic that lead her to the research in the first place.

"When we first realised we would only have one child, I had the same fears of my child being lonely, not learning how to share, lacking social skills with other children — making friends and keeping them, so I looked into the research to see what I could do to help him achieve all of those skills," she told Mamamia.

"I was so pleased to find research that showed these fears were untrue and by supporting my child to learn these skills he could grow up to be a capable, kind, happy, friendly well-rounded person and lead a great life!" 

Award-winning writer, Hollie McNish, penned a piece that went viral called 'Because I Only Have One Child' about some of the things she loves most about having her daughter.

"My hands are rarely too full, desperately attempting to grasp more than they can carry, the laundry basket’s often empty, my one face never turning its attention to another set of screams," she wrote.

She goes on, "Meal times at mine are peaceful, always have been, holidays both easier and cheaper, the school run so much quicker, playtimes ever patient, never arguing."

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A post shared by Hollie McNish (@holliepoetry)

However, she was not immune to annoying comments when her daughter was little from people acting like she was somehow selfish or mean for her choice.

"Sometimes I write poems simply so I don't lose my s**t at people who told me to have a second child over and over again, as if going through the high risk of pregnancy and birth so that my only child will have a sibling she can occasionally play with and maybe be close to in the future when I'm dead, is akin to buying her a set of crayons… as if there is no such thing as friends or cousins to share time with and be close to in life, only siblings," she wrote on her Instagram.

"I love having one child and I never ever talk about it but people so often praise the joys of bigger families so for once, I am sharing what I love about having just one. I’m sure there are positive poems for all sizes of families. For now, thank you for your opinion about my only child. Please stop giving it!"

Amen to that.

Dr Rosina McAlpine will appear on Insight episode ‘Only Children’, airing on SBS Tuesday, September 3 at 8:30pm or stream on SBS On Demand.

Feature image: Supplied. 

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