by VIRGINIA TRIOLI
They are words I don’t even want to write: the waking nightmare of finding your baby cold and unresponsive in the bed with you.
The State Coroner’s recent finding on co-sleeping – sharing a sleeping surface with a newborn or infant – was a bombshell, and has created an awful conundrum for those who believe, or have been told, co-sleeping is actually one of the best things you can do for your young child. After investigating four cases of babies who died after sleeping with their parents, John Olle said the practice was “inherently dangerous” and that babies less than 12 months old should sleep on their backs in their own cots.
The messages on this issue are now so completely mixed that nightfall must create an environment of anxiety, if not panic, for many families across the country: just where should baby sleep?
Parents are now offered, by so many different health professionals, completely contradictory interpretations of the dangers/benefits of co-sleeping. One GP I know, who happily co-slept with all her children, cites recent research that demonstrates the practice actually prevents sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), because the child is aware of the presence of the mother, thereby reducing the possibility of sleep apnoea incidents. The other side of the story you know all too well: you can roll on them, the blankets or pillows can suffocate them, and they can slip between wall and bed, between mother and father.
I have no idea any more which way of sleeping is better, but I have a sneaking suspicion that even in early infancy the child instinctively knows what will keep her safe. Some babies just won’t or don’t sleep with their parents – they settle only in their own space, no matter how much the parents might yearn for co-sleeping. Some high-needs babies – usually struggling with issues such as reflux, colic or other conditions – need the proximity and cling to their parents, at least in the earlier days.
Who is to say that they are not acting out of a basic need to be kept close and safe? And we all know that once the kids hit their toddler years and beyond, they are in and out of your bed for all sorts of reasons, real and imagined.
But I think we need to be honest with ourselves about one factor, and that is the need of the mother – and it is mostly the mother – to sleep with her child. The less-analysed side of what is now called “attachment parenting” (kind of like demand-feeding but for every aspect of the baby’s life) is the desire of the mother to be attached, not necessarily the child. Is the argument about how good co-sleeping is for “bonding” an argument about the child’s need, or the parent’s? If love and support is provided at all other times, is it really also needed at sleeping time?
One fact that can’t be overlooked, and that potentially takes some of the heat out of this issue, is that SIDS deaths in Victoria are now at their lowest levels. The education campaigns have worked, and while even one baby’s death is of course too many, as a community we are far more aware of the dangers of smoking, alcohol, drug taking and overheated beds when it comes to babies.
And while it might seem counter-intuitive to argue that the loving presence of parents can be harmful to the sleeping child, if we know that they can be safe in their own space – albeit just an arm’s length away from us – perhaps we can accept that the baby can bear to be without us for just a few, crucial hours.
This post was originally published on The Weekly Review and has been republished with full permission.
Virginia Trioli is the presenter of ABC News Breakfast on ABC1 and ABC News 24, 6-9am weekdays. She has an established reputation as a radio host, television presenter, news reporter, features writer and columnist. You can and should visit her blog here.
For a different perspective on co-sleeping you can visit our sister site iVillage
Top Comments
I love having my baby snuggled up sleeping next to me and I do feel like I'd be missing out on a lot by having her sleep in her own bed. I also get a lot more sleep since I started co sleeping. So while lots of the reasons that I co sleep with my baby are about me, the biggest reason that I continue to do it is because I know that she loves sleeping next to her mama all night and that she never has to cry for me in the night because I'm right there as soon as she opens her eyes or reaches out. I know I'd want to sleep with my mum if I was a baby.
If co sleeping is done safely (non smokers, no medication or alcohol etc) mum knows where her baby is at all times even when asleep and will startle awake if baby gets out of reach or rolls to face a pillow etc. it just works.
Although there is a growing culture of mistrust of the medical profession (and I don’t want to get into that) I cannot understand the mistrust and dismissal of the coroner’s findings. Why not trust this information? What ulterior motive could there be? And even if in the future co-sleeping can be proven safe, at the moment the information we have is that is can, in very rare cases, result in a baby’s death. Co-sleeping has a myriad of benefits and for the vast majority of cases will be beneficial for mother and baby but ,knowing this new information, could anyone stand by their decision to co-sleep if a tragedy happened. Mother’s always do what they think is best for their children and motherhood is full of difficult decisions. I was going to co-sleep with my 8 yr old when he was a baby but it didn’t work out well so he slept in his own room. I am not writing this to judge any mother who has opted to co-sleep but I think that new mother’s facing this decision are blessed to have this new information. The knowledge we have right now is that the risk outweighs the benefits and we should all be working towards avoiding further tragedy’s.