Mamamia's Confessions series asks women to share what they'd say to the people closest to them, if they could do so anonymously. What would you tell your partner? Your manager? Your ex? It could be a secret you've been holding onto for years, or something that's on your mind right now. Nothing is off-limits.
This week, we asked 50 women the one thing they'd say to their parents anonymously. Here's what they told us.
Parenting style.
"You shouldn't have waited until my mid-thirties to be interested in me and try to be a good parent."
"Why didn’t you teach me about how to manage money and sex? These topics should not be taboo!"
"Teach your son to respect women."
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"I know you tried your hardest and none of our challenges are your fault."
"Thank you for giving up so much for us so we could have the best life you could provide for us. We didn’t have much but you always ensured we were cared for, ate healthy food and had great education opportunities."
"I am not the parent. Please step up and be the responsible one so I can live my life without having to worry about you."
"Thank you for the life you gave me and for all your sacrifices."
"Why do you always find the negative in my decisions and be so critical all the time?"
"You raised me to be a good person. Trust me."
"I wish you lived closer. I’m glad you’re living a great lifestyle but I miss you!"
"I wish you had been around more. I know you were working so hard and I am proud of what you built. But sometimes, I really think we missed out."
Identity.
"I am ethically non-monogamous and have multiple lovers!"
"I wish you hadn’t made those jokes when I was younger. They turned into real insecurities which I constantly trying to battle with. It’s exhausting."
"I am in love with a girl (as a female myself) and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been, but my life will look very different to the one you had hoped for me."
"I wish you didn’t force me to handle adult tasks under the guise that you didn’t understand English, technology and the Australian culture. You only did it because you didn’t want to be uncomfortable or embarrass yourself, so you’d rather let your daughter take the shame and embarrassment. As a parent, I now resent you for not trying harder."
"Please don’t send me to that really really expensive boarding school. I don’t want to be the poor country kid amongst rich as hell city kids whom I have nothing in common with."
Love and relationships.
"Just because I’m single doesn't mean I’ll die alone and that I’ll be single the rest of my life. Give me space to grow and find someone I’m compatible with, without any interference."
"Your love was the best."
"I don’t feel like you love me as much as you love my sister. You blatantly favour her even on the other side of the world and it makes me feel like you would prefer not to have me in the family."
"I wish you paid me more attention."
"The way you treated me after finding out I was sleeping with my boyfriend at 17 was so traumatic that it still reflects in my attitudes towards sex and relationships today."
"Why did you never ever say you loved me? Why did you not offer me physical affection after I was four?"
Being a grandparent.
"Stop putting everything away in my house. I’m a busy mum of three and if I leave lunchboxes on the bench, it’s because I know where they are!"
"Why don’t you help more with your grandkids? You told anyone who would listen before they were born how much you wanted to look after them but now that it’s time, you're nowhere to be seen."
"Get vaccinated. It kills me that you won’t get vaccinated. Your conspiracy theories aren’t more important than the collective health of everyone around you. I also wonder whether you'll be glad that you won’t see your grandchildren because you're unvaccinated because you've never made me feel like my kids are welcome in your life."
"I feel like you love my child, your grandchild, more than me."
"Stop pushing the boundaries and kissing my baby on the back of his head after I’ve asked you not to kiss his face!"
"I need your help with my babies. I know you did it all on your own when you had me, but I really need you to just give help rather than wait to be asked. I was drowning but wasn't brave enough to say."
"Stop lecturing me on my parenting when you have withdrawn any help."
Mental health and trauma.
"You're the reason I’m screwed up and my mental health has been such a battle."
"Your judgment and criticism on my body, my lifestyle and recently the parenting of my newborn daughter has created massive anxiety and self-doubt within myself. So much so that I developed PPA (primary progressive aphasia) and have kept so much of my life secret to avoid your negative thoughts which you call love and honesty."
"Your unrealistic expectations of how thin I (and my sisters) should be, has irrevocably damaged me for life."
"No, I won’t just 'get over' my mental health 'issues'. It’s real, it’s not made up. I appreciate you were born in a different era where these things were swept under the rug because it was taboo but times have changed. I don’t expect you to understand but I wish you could accept it."
"Your untreated mental illness ruined my childhood (and my own mental health)."
"I know you did your best but your own mental health issues, inner demons, trauma or whatever you want to call it, has damaged me. And I have to work my arse off to function 'normally', without anxiety, to be better and manage my emotions."
"To my mum, your constant dieting, unhappiness with your own weight and body, commenting on other people’s weight, giving me a calorie counting book at 13, comments to wear clothes to hide tummies, it was never helpful."
"I wish you would have worked on yourself more so you didn’t pass on your trauma to me. I am doing my best to recover and ensure I don’t continue this cycle."
Marriage and divorce.
"I heard you say you were 'only staying together for the kids'. There was no need to be so self-sacrificing. We would have loved you and learned to love ourselves better if you’d prioritised your own relationship."
"Even though you broke up with mum, why did you choose not to remain in my life?"
"I used to write in my diary every day and wish to the ‘fairies’ in our garden that you would get back together."
"Having a child as a bandaid to a volatile marriage was selfish, but then again you're the two most selfish people I’ve met so I guess you were made for each other."
"Why couldn’t you put your pride aside and learn to communicate with each other? Why did you constantly place blame on others and not acknowledge your shortcomings?"
"When you walked out on mum without warning or care, you lost my respect."
"You should be nicer to each other. I never hear you say a nice word about each other."
"Get a divorce for f**k's sake."
"Why did you stay together when you were so unhappy?"
"The love you show each other will be reflective of how your child shows and receives love... Touch each other and hug and kiss each other in front of your children. It’s beautiful!"
"I don't want to meet your new girlfriend."
"Your toxic relationship has completely distorted my view on what a relationship looks like."
"Is being together actually making you happier or are you just together because it's easier than carving out a new way for yourself? I wish you would show more love and appreciation for each other."
Do you have any confessions of your own to add? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Feature image: Supplied.
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