This story discusses domestic violence.
The media coverage and emerging story behind the alleged murders of Jesse Baird and Luke Davies has been harrowing.
I use the words 'alleged murder' rather than 'crime of passion' - the inaccurate and frankly insulting words used by the current NSW Police Commissioner earlier this week.
Her words highlighted that we are still minimising the danger of leaving a relationship with a violent individual.
This was a crime of ego, power, control, and jealousy. We must not romanticise these crimes that are occurring far too frequently in Australia.
As Nicole Madigan wrote for Mamamia earlier this week, stalking is the number one indicator of a dangerous situation emerging. I was horrified because I was reminded again that this could have been my story too.
I was married to a serving NSW Police Officer who stalked me incessantly after I left the marriage. He turned up at my work; he threatened self-harm; and told me I'd never see my children again.
He drove around looking for my car, turned up at my home without invitation and pushed me around (sometimes in front of our children) and when I started seeing a new partner, he phoned him to threaten him too.
Watch: Women And Violence: The Hidden Numbers. Post continues after video.
He had love bombed me when I told him I wanted to end the marriage — he told me he couldn’t live without me.
I was never quite as appealing to him as when I said I no longer wanted to be his wife and when I started seeing someone else — well that was the icing on the cake for how important our marriage had been to him.
It culminated in an event nearly 12 months after our initial separation where he jumped in my car as I tried to drive away from my home after he had turned up yet again without invitation. He refused to get out, pulled up the handbrake when I tried to drive away, then punched me in the face.
This was the last straw, and I finally reported the situation to NSW Police. The unfolding AVO process was a debacle. He told everyone who would listen (and many did) that I had been cheating on him, that our marriage had been fine and that I was a liar and that I was crazy.
The contact continued after the AVO was in place — via mutual friends who he asked to pass on messages to me and even via a Senior Police Employee.
He didn’t lose his job — he wasn’t even disciplined. His recreational gun license was cancelled, but he still carried a service weapon every shift. His boss called me to say that they had looked into the situation and they believed his version of events in my car and that he had accidentally hit me. His boss went as far as to say me that when people are pushed to a certain point that they are not responsible for their actions. His police work was allowed to continue, including attending White Ribbon events.
Domestic violence is an insidious problem and years later I still wonder how close I came to the same tragic (and 100 per cent preventable) ending as Luke and Jesse.
Featuer Image: Canva.
To donate to Luke's GoFundMe click here and to donate to Jesse's GoFundMe click here.
If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) — the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.
Mamamia is a charity partner of RizeUp Australia, a Queensland-based organisation that helps women and families move on after the devastation of domestic violence. If you would like to support their mission to deliver life-changing and practical support to these families when they need it most, you can donate here.