For 6 years, Jessica trusted Marc. A holiday together was the start of a nightmare.

Content warning: This story discusses domestic violence.

When Jessica* and Marc* first got together, their friends called them 'the perfect couple'. 

A police officer, Marc was charming and funny. He felt safe, someone Jessica could trust. 

And Jessica did trust him. She married him too. And for six years, everything was perfect. 

Although, looking back now Jessica can spot the red flags in behaviour that many women are conditioned to accept as normal. 

"There were the typical things that you hear about, like if he didn't get the amount of sex he thought he was entitled to, he would crack it," shares Jessica. 

Watch: Why Consent Education Isn't Enough - Katrina Marson. Article continues after the video.

"But that felt like such a common thing for women. And everything else was great."

Until it wasn't. 

In 2018, Jessica and Marc were on away on holidays. They'd been together six years by then, and were enjoying some quality time together. 

At that stage, Jessica wasn't on contraception, so they always used condoms, and this night was no different. 

The condom was on. And then it wasn't. 

"He took the condom off. He didn't care or consider my consent."

When Jessica noticed, she froze. "I just let it continue because I didn't want a fight."

In that moment, she felt deep anger, betrayal, but also fear. "I still have visceral memories of that because he took it off and I was talking to myself in my mind, saying 'What if I'm fucking pregnant?'"

When it was over, she questioned him. "Why did you do that?" she asked. 

"Because it feels better," he replied. "I really don't give a f***'. Our relationship never recovered from that moment."

And then the worst happened. Jessica was pregnant. 

"At no point did I feel like that pregnancy happened on my terms, I felt like it was a product of rape. I couldn't even consider the idea of keeping that child, because part of that felt as though that would be excusing that behaviour."

Not that Marc cared either way, he simply told her to do whatever she wanted. 

"When I went to Marie Stopes to seek the RU486 pill to commence a medical miscarriage, I lied about the reasons why I was there. The shame and embarrassment my husband doing that to me was all too much to bear in that emotional moment."

When Jessica returned home, after collecting the pill alone, she went to her room. 

"I lay in bed passing the sack in pain while (he) socialised with a neighbour and his children downstairs, never checking in, never following up. We never spoke about it again."

On the outside, their relationship appeared pleasant, but intimacy had all but gone. "I felt like I didn't know this person and I didn't like this person."

What Marc did to Jessica is known as 'stealthing' — when a male removes a condom during sex without the consent of his partner. 

In most Australian states, stealthing is considered a form of sexual assault, that can result in physical harm, emotional distress, unwanted pregnancies, and the spread of sexually transmitted infections.

Western Australia and the Northern Territory are the only regions yet to introduce stealthing related laws. 

"It is a form of gender-based violence that is insidiously prevalent," says Jessica. 

"A study conducted by Monash University showed 32 per cent of women and 19 per cent of men who had engaged in intercourse with a man reported experiencing stealthing. 

"Female sex workers were found to be three times more likely to have encountered stealthing than other women. Shockingly, only 1 per cent of stealthing incidents are reported to law enforcement, indicating that it is vastly under reported."

A devastating progression. 

After Jessica's husband stealthed her, intimacy between them became even less frequent. Then, Marc took matters into his own hands. 

"It started after a friend's hen's night. He thought I was asleep throughout the entire thing. I just pretended I was asleep. I was so tired, and I wasn't  prepared for what might happen if I stopped him."

Marc continued to sexually assault Jessica as she slept for months, until she finally confronted him. He didn't deny it. Nor did he apologise. He simply said he wouldn't do it again. And he didn't. 

"Because I'm a mother to his children, and they're safe, I just figured his is my lot in life.  And he said 'you have to get over it. Just get over it'." 

Eventually, Jessica discovered Marc was having affairs with young subordinates at work. When she found out, she was relieved. 

"I thought, now I can finally leave him, and I can just say this is what happened, and people will believe me. 

"I should have stopped it at the start. When he stealthed me I didn't act in an active way, I was passive. I felt extreme disappointment at myself that I proceeded to let myself be humiliated and abused by this man for years."

Jessica believes too many women believe they have no choice but to endure their partner's abusive behaviour, thanks to cultural conditioning and victim-blaming. 

"Why wasn't she on the pill? Why didn't she speak up at the time? Why didn't she stop him? 

"I'm the mother of daughters, so I need to make sure my daughters feel confident enough to challenge the status quo and men thinking they can take what they want."

Jessica says even now, she finds herself protecting her ex-husband's reputation, and playing down his abuse. 

"I've spent so much time creating, shaping and maintaining the delusion that he's created and constructed for people, that even having these conversations I feel like I need to put him before me, despite the fact that I'm the victim in all of this. 

"There's still this part of me that just conditioned myself to just uphold this idea of everything's ok—the children are safe, he doesn't hit me, doesn't hit the children. I spent so much time conditioned to protecting him from himself and the outcome of his own choices and behaviours. 

"Even now when I'm speaking to police and lawyers I still have this innate thing that I need to protect him. I can't help it. It's been that way for six years."

Jessica has now reported her ex-husband to police who, she says, have taken her complaint seriously. 

"I always said to myself if anything happens I will fight to make stealing illegal in Western Australia. 

"The conversation needs to be amplified and recognised for what it is; an insidious and under reported act that impacts most adult Australians. An act that deserves to be criminalised in every state and territory in Australia."

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) — the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

Mamamia is a charity partner of RizeUp Australia, a Queensland-based organisation that helps women and families move on after the devastation of domestic violence. If you would like to support their mission to deliver life-changing and practical support to these families when they need it most, you can donate here.

Feature image: Getty.

*names have been changed