If you’ve ever felt like you’re at breaking point (and who amongst us can honestly say we haven't, at one time or another), you’d know what it's like when you feel the world is collapsing in on you.
It’s a feeling that we don’t often associate with celebs and influencers, who – given a quick glance at social media – seem to have it all.
But media personality Abbie Chatfield has detailed the depths of her own private struggles, sharing on Instagram that she is – frankly – not okay.
Watch: Abbie Chatfield goes gifting with Go-Jo. Post continues below.
Posting a series of images from her recent Stellar magazine cover, Abbie used the caption to open up about the current state of her mental health.
"I am so beyond lucky to do what I do for work. I f**king love it. But I’m breaking," she wrote in an incredibly candid admission.
"I’m on the verge of tears at all times. If one thing goes wrong, the floodgates open. I have so much pressure on me all the time to be fun or entertaining or at the very least have something of value to say. It’s draining. Physically and mentally."
The 27-year-old was in two minds about sharing the reality of that shoot in such a public forum, adding that she had to take several breaks to go outside and cry during the Stellar shoot (which, it’s important to note, had nothing to do with the team or the shoot itself, Abbie explained).
"I felt weird about uploading these pics pretending it was a normal shoot," she wrote.
"There are other shoots I’ve had similar days on. I drive by the billboards or bus stops or a bus goes by me with my face on it and I cringe because I know that I cried that whole day too."
Lately, Abbie's mental health has been "the worst it has been in years", she wrote.
"The first quarter of the year brought a level of work stress that I had never experienced. I won’t go into details, but all of this led me to having consistently dark thoughts that I couldn’t shake."
As she checked the test shots, Abbie said she didn’t "recognise the person in the photos".
Depression has an insidious way of making you feel guilty for not being happy when you think you 'should' be, and this was another sentiment Abbie shared.
"Why am I so ungrateful?" she wrote.
"Why am I crying on the set of a cover for a f**king magazine? Why is my beautiful makeup artist and photographer having to be a psychologist? All I have to do is sit there and NOT cry. Why do I care so much about how I look? Am I so vain? Has this industry rotted my brain so that I have insecurities I never had?"
Girl. We get it. We SO get it.
Listen: Abbie chats candidly with Mia Freedman on No Filter. Post continues below.
This isn’t the first time Abbie has spoken openly about her mental health struggles.
In 2022, she told Laura Brodnik, the co-host of Mamamia’s daily entertainment podcast, The Spill, about her anxiety while appearing at the Logies.
She also shared details of her ADHD diagnosis saying, "I don't think there is any reason for there to be any stigma around mental health or neurodivergencies".
Abbie’s latest very frank admission is a reminder that we never know what someone is going through – even those who, through the filter of a curated Instagram feed, seem to live a charmed life.
Once again leading the way with transparency and vulnerability, Abbie has, with her latest post, reminded us all to hold ourselves gently and never to assume you know what’s going on behind someone’s closed doors.
And while she hasn’t yet identified a way through the darkness, simply sharing her experiences has lifted some of the load for the star.
"I don’t know how to end this but I feel better after writing it," she signed off.
"This sadness has nothing to do with the literally perfect team that made this shoot happen. It’s all me, internally."
If you think you may be experiencing depression or another mental health problem, please contact your general practitioner. If you're based in Australia, 24-hour support is available through Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyondblue on 1300 22 4636.
Feature image: Instagram/@abbiechatfield @stellamag
Alix Nicholson is Mamamia's Managing Editor. Follow her on Instagram @alixcn.
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