Many Australian women battling with addiction are doing so in secret. By removing shame from the equation, we can change the narrative - as well as the outcome.
As a psychotherapist at one of Australia's leading rehabilitation centres, I work alongside people struggling with addiction every day.
Yes, addiction can look like it does on TV: a stumbling, out-of-control individual whose life is overtly falling apart.
In my experience, however, it often looks like people you'd never quite expect.
Like the friendly mum you waved to at school drop-off. Or the executive who's never missed a meeting or a parent-teacher interview. Or the friend whose Instagram feed is colour-coordinated as she trains for her next half-marathon.
Watch: How to be a woman in 2023. Post continues after video.
Addiction doesn't discriminate. In fact, no one in our society is immune from it. It's a silent coping mechanism for so many, including a significant number of people who manage to hide every symptom of their addiction, even from their partners.
Because of this silent epidemic, the stigma around addiction can be fatal. It stops people from seeking the help they deserve and keeps them locked in shame, with no choice but to go further into addiction's spiral.
With so many women in Australia suffering in absolute silence, we've got a chance to change the story. Here's what we need to know.
Women are at great risk of falling into addictive coping mechanisms.
Did you know women are twice as likely to develop PTSD as men are?
Couple that with the reality that we're still doing 80% of the housework, 70 per cent of domestic care for elderly parents and 70 per cent - if not 100 per cent- of childcare, and you've got a high-risk concoction of factors on your hands.
Society's inequalities, regardless of continued progression towards goals of autonomy and equity, are still entrenched.
Women are highly marginalised - and yet there's an enormous amount of social pressure not only to keep it all moving, but to look absolutely fantastic at every moment of the day, all while trying to cope with the weight of these expectations.
What do many women do in response to the demands on their resources, time, energy, care and capacity?
We hide.
Because we want to keep going. We want to show up for our kids. We want to be great at our jobs. We want to contribute meaningfully to society.
We feel we have no other option because we're never taught that we need downtime. Our intrinsic need for rest makes us feel like we're falling short.
Unfortunately, women are the shock absorbers for our families, our kids and our partners. Every day, we absorb an enormous amount of emotional material that needs to be processed somewhere - but for many of us, that doesn't happen.
You’ve probably sent or received a meme about the size of the wine glass once the kids go to bed. The light-hearted joke of ‘mummy wine culture’ proliferates in social media, creating a sense of normality around the experience of reaching for the wine bottle.
The more this culture is normalised, the more we’re left without an investigation of why so many women feel the need to turn to those regular glasses simply to make it through to the end of the day.
This habit doesn’t necessarily indicate a growing addiction. It, however, can point to the lack of resources available to the large majority of women juggling the infinite demands of mother, partner, employee, boss, friend. In many cases, this mummy-wine-culture camaraderie can mask the use of a substance as a coping mechanism, keeping women from accessing the help they need.
This support for women is necessary, not optional. These conflicting pressures create physiological and psychological needs, and pain is the natural consequence when they go unmet.
What do we do when we experience pain? We look for an anaesthetic, or a form of treatment. When the appropriate treatment isn't there, we'll reach for the next best thing to help us cope.
If we can't find new ways to build genuine support networks in a society, that's been stripped of them, women will continue to try to handle it on their own.
Addiction is often the logical progression.
Trauma is multifaceted and misunderstood.
Our collective understanding of the link between addiction and trauma is limited, creating moments where individual experiences can slip through the cracks.
In my work, I find women don't always understand that a one-off event from childhood is enough to create a traumatised nervous system. They're also unaware of the many kinds of trauma that can contribute to their addiction risk factors, including attachment trauma, sexual assault or abuse, and parental neglect (just to name a few).
For example, I'm currently seeing a rising narcissism epidemic leading to women seeking relief in addition. Many victims of narcissistic abuse are medicating their pain through addiction, with overwhelming isolation keeping them from seeking support from family, friends or professionals. As narcissists cut women off from their support network, there's nothing left aside from a substance or obsessive behaviour.
As we grow in our understanding of how trauma and abuse impact our nervous systems, we can also grow in our abilities to reach out for the help and support we each deserve.
Society rewards women who are living in fight-or-flight - but it's unsustainable.
Our nervous system is divided up into several components. Parts of it acts as the brake that slows us down, while other parts act as the accelerator. When we're traumatised, we can get stuck with the brake on (leading us into collapse), or we get stuck with the accelerator on (leading us into fight-or-flight).
Our society LOVES fight-or-flight. It means we're up, energised, and pushing through. Women rarely know when they're in that state because it's so highly lauded - their traumatised nervous system is actually celebrated by overwhelming and impossible societal standards.
A dysregulated nervous system results in someone being stuck in fight, flight or freeze. If our nervous system is dysregulated, we will need something - either prescription medication, alcohol, illicit drugs or obsessive-compulsive behaviour - to bring us back into balance.
One of the things that Hope in Health does is support women in getting back in touch with their innate wisdom and cycles. We teach women how to regulate their nervous system, understanding that addiction is a symptom, and it's only when the underlying issue or trauma is resolved that true healing can take place.
No matter where you are, there's so much hope and support for you.
No matter where your addiction may have taken you, there's always hope. My greatest desire is for women to fight for themselves long enough to get to us - and then we can fight for them.
You're worthy of the best support and treatment we have available. Shame is unnecessary. Addiction is not your fault, and help is here for you.
If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.
And if you think you may be experiencing depression or another mental health problem, please contact your general practitioner. If you're based in Australia, 24-hour support is available through Lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyondblue on 1300 22 4636.
Feature Image: Supplied.
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