The reason why women avoid telling their friends when they're in danger.

If you were in danger, real danger... would you tell your friends?

What about if you accidentally stepped into a puddle on your way to work?

It's more likely the second one, right?

Author and podcaster Liz Plank posted a video about this, and it blew my mind. 

"If I am in danger, you will never know. I won't text you, I won't call you, I won't go to your house. You're going to learn about it two months later, once I've figured it all out by myself. If I have a minor inconvenience... 12 people will hear about it in the span of 30 seconds," she said. 

"What is the name of that mental illness." 

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The comments under the video show that what Liz is talking about is common for a lot of women. 

"Same, if a man nudges me in the ice cream truck line you will know in real-time and I’ll submit an op-ed to the NYT but if I get kidnapped, I'll forget to tell you," one person commented. 

"It's easier to share things that didn't affect us on a deeper level because it doesn't require as much intimacy," added another. 

"It’s fun to complain about trivial s*** but we don’t want to burden our friends with the real s*** cause we don't want to risk potential rejection or lack of support," another person commented. 

Although the majority of comments are other women agreeing that they do the same thing, their reasoning for this behavioural trait differs. 

So why do so many women refrain from telling their friends the hard things? 

I spoke to Clinical Psychologist Ehab Youssef to find out more. 

"One of my clients is always quick to share stories about her kids' misadventures or a tough day at work with her friends. But when her mother was diagnosed with a serious illness, she kept it to herself for months. She explained that she didn't want to worry her friends or change how they saw her. This is a common sentiment among women, who often carry a deep sense of responsibility for others' emotional well-being," Youssef told Mamamia. 

Watch: Horoscopes in a time of crisis. Post continues below.

Personally, this rings so true, especially when Liz says that she'd only tell people once she'd figured it all out on her own. 

I found myself in a very dangerous situation a few years ago. It shook me to my core and I didn't tell anyone. I wanted to fully understand what had happened to me and work on coming to terms with it before I made anyone else aware. 

I was so concerned about my friends' feelings that I wanted to make sure when I told them what happened, it was worded in a way that didn't make them worry. 

Youssef says "Women often have a strong nurturing instinct, and this can extend to their friendships. They might avoid sharing major issues because they don't want to burden their friends emotionally. By sharing only minor inconveniences, they protect their friends from the stress and worry that accompany more serious problems."

When I eventually told my friends, they were, as expected, shocked. They were also concerned that I had waited so long to let them know. 

I think because my friends and I talk every single day thanks to instant messaging, our conversations are usually light-hearted and casual and happening in a constant train of mini conversations. They're the types of conversations we engage in to make each other's days a little bit brighter. 

If I have to tell them something serious, I would wait till I see them in person because it's hard to insert a "Hey, also btw I nearly died," in the middle of a conversation where we were ranking our favourite doughnut flavours. 

Since learning about this, I've now become more aware and am actively choosing to let my friends know what I have going on instead of waiting to figure it out on my own. 

If you're like me and avoid telling your friends when you're in danger, give it a go! It's easier said than done but whatever you're going through feels less scary when you have the people who love and support you by your side. 

If you want more culture opinions by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.  

Feature Image: Canva.

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