wellness

'A doctor said these three words would change my life, so I tried it.'

According to qualified psychiatrist Dr Daniel G Amen, mentally strong people live by three words: "Does it fit?"

Hey, I want to be mentally strong, tell me more! 

Dr Amen elaborated in an Instagram video: "Does your behaviour fit the goals you have for yourself? What you want in your relationships, your work, your money, your physical, emotional, and spiritual health?"

He proposed we try an exercise based on the three words.

It goes like this — on a piece of paper, write down what you aspire for in life within these four categories — relationships, work, money, and self. Then, ask yourself: "Is my behaviour today getting me what I want?"

Watch: Scientific happiness hacks you can try. Post continues below.

I was intrigued and grabbed a pen. 

  • Relationships: I want a life partner and I want to maintain my close relationships with my family and friends.
  • Work: I want to enjoy what I do for a career.
  • Money: Short-term, I want to pay my bills and buy things that bring me joy. Long-term, I want to buy a house.
  • Self: Physically, I want to stay active. Emotionally, I want to protect my mental health.

Now came the question. Does it fit? (AKA: Is my behaviour today getting me what I want?)

There was only one way to find out, so I tried it for a day. Here's how it went...

Putting it into practice.

I woke up, looked to my right and, yep, I was still single! I wasn't exactly kicking goals with the whole "life partner" section. But, never fear, I had a Hinge date scheduled for that night.

Next, I contemplated snoozing my alarm. 

Does it fit? With my want for sleep, yes it did fit. But when it came to my career aspirations and the importance of not showing up to late to work, I knew it was time to get up and get dressed. 

The next obstacle was when I was waiting in line at the café for my morning coffee.

Does it fit? Money wise, I knew I had paid my bills already and put some cash aside. Plus, if I didn't get my oat milk latte, there is no way my emotional self was going to be fulfilled for the day.

Later, my friends invited me for lunch. It was a busy day, and I'll admit I was tempted to eat at my work desk.

Does it fit? Nope. Protecting my mental health, taking deserved breaks and maintaining my close friendships was definitely the better call. I wanted to avoid burnout, too. So, I had a lovely lunch in the park with my friends (and didn't spend too much, either!).

While on the train home from work, I began to doom-scroll on social media. The phrase entered my mind once again.

Does it fit? With my short attention span and love for TikTok, absolutely. With my mental health goals though? Not particularly. 

Instead, I read a chapter of Funny Story by Emily Henry. Not only did I feel trés smart, but I figured I must look intelligent and cool on the train, and hoped it could maybe help with the whole "life partner" goal and provide an opportunity for an impromptu meet-cute (it sadly didn't).

Speaking of, remember that Hinge date I mentioned? It was time to get ready for that. 

A series of negative self-talk questions entered my sub-conscious: Does my makeup fit? Does my hair fit? WHO AM I AS A PERSON? Do I even want to go on this date?

But with Dr Amen's words ringing louder, I decided to change my inner monologue. I went on the date. Spoiler alert, I didn't meet the love of my life that night. But I gave it a red-hot go!

The verdict.

Will these three words change my life? Probably not. But I'm insufferably cynical.

But I did find that there was merit in being aware of my behaviour and how it was serving me throughout the day. And look, in retrospect, perhaps my scenarios were a bit vapid. I mean, deciding if I should buy a coffee is a pretty privileged conundrum to have. 

With that being said, other people have said that these three words have changed their lives. In the comments of Dr Amen's video, one person wrote: "So true. Is it aligned towards my values? Seeing if my actions were directed towards my priorities became a game changer".

So, the next time I'm faced with something of more significance than an oat milk latte, I'm going to ask myself again: Does it fit?

Feature Image: Instagram/@doc_amen.

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