On Thursday afternoon, much-loved TV host Rebecca Judd gave birth to two healthy twin boys, Tom and Darcy.
Before she met them, they’d already spent nine months together. They’d shared a womb and grown side by side, entering the world completely unaware of what life would be like without the other. At just one day old, they have a bond not even their mother can understand.
But their unique entry to life means they’ll face challenges and have experiences other people will never know.
You see, I’m a twin too. For almost 26 years I’ve lived alongside my sister Jessie, who is a little bit taller, a little bit more confident, and 20 minutes younger than I am. I also have twin brothers, two years younger than my sister and I. Jack and Nick were named after dad’s favourite golfer Jack Nicklaus, but have absolutely no interest in golf. Parents are weird like that.
Hear Clare talk about being a twin with her twin Jessie on the latest episode of This Glorious Mess:
So being the expert in twin-ness that I am, I want to say a few things to Tom and Darcy. From twin to twin. Because even though they can’t talk yet, I know that one day they’ll understand.
You're the best friends you'll ever have.
Every set of twins is different, but you'll never find a friend like your twin. He'll be on your side, even when you're completely in the wrong, he'll care about your stories, even when they're really, really boring, and he'll laugh at your jokes, because sometimes he'll be the only one who gets them.
You have the unimaginably special experience of having someone with you on your first day of school to tell you not to cry. You have someone who will always look out for you, and always include you - they'll choose you to be on their team every single time.
When friends come in and out of your life, teaching you about the world and the people in it, you'll always have each other.
You may be similar, but you're two different people.
I don't know you yet, but from your photos you look very, very similar. This will be a blessing and a curse. You can trick the people around you as all twins do at one time or another (even now, when I don't want to make a phone call, I pretend I'm Jessie - no one can tell the difference), and sometimes it's comforting to have someone who changes and grows the same as you do.
But people will refer to you collectively as 'the twins,' and after a while, you'll want to be your own person. You'll want to be recognised for your own talents and interests and not clumped with your brother. Remember that you're two different people - you'll be similar in some ways, and very different in others. Let your brother have his space to learn how to be himself, and give yourself the same space.
Hear Clare and Jessie talk about being twins on This Glorious Mess here:
Don't compete - too much.
It's tempting to turn everything into a competition when there are two of you. Who's faster? Who's stronger? Who's smarter? Who can annoy mum the most?
But don't let your status within your twin-ness define who you are. Having your brother get a higher mark than you on a test doesn't make you dumb, and having him receive accolades for his sporting achievements doesn't mean you don't have talent. Support each other when you win, and support each other when you lose. Both will happen - and they're always bittersweet.
At times you will want to punch each other in the face, and three minutes later you'll want to go to sleep next to each other.
Because you're so close, and you mean so much to each other, you'll have fights you don't have with anyone else. You'll yell and scream and say hurtful things, and you'll know exactly what to say to get under your brother's skin.
Sometimes you'll feel like life would've been easier if it had just been you - and you didn't have this other person with you all the time.
But when the dust settles, and the significance of whatever you've been fighting about fades into obscurity, you'll want to wake your brother up. Because you just had a really cool thought and you know exactly who to tell.
People will ask you weird questions.
The questions will shock you. Both my sister and I and our brothers have had people ask whether we're "siblings, twins, or just best friends."
...What?
Have you ever seen best friends who look like this?
Always, always say yes. It really confuses people.
You'll never really be alone.
No matter what happens, Tom and Darcy, you'll always have each other. Never forget that.
Want more of This Glorious Mess? Listen to the full episode here where we talk about 12-year-olds dating, why we should stop kissing babies and more
Top Comments
Wish it was still like that for me. My twin doesn't seem to want to be with me. Obviously our families are keeping us busy, but she'd rather spend time with her other friends. I actually moved away so that I don't feel left out - makes it feel a bit ok that she chooses other people over me when I'm 2 hours away and just see her every now and then. If I think about it too much, I'm heart-broken. Sorry for posting. Wishing all the best for these dear little boys and their family.
I too am a twin. Moving away from your twin just so you don't feel left out is weird. You are an adult, you don't need to be joined at the hip to your twin. You are two different people. Are you sure you are not projecting your insecurities onto your twin? Are you hard work to be around?
My sister and i have had our fair share of dramas over the years. Being a twin can be difficult. My sister moved to the other side of the country, and i miss her so much. It has made us a lot closer. I think because we finally have space from each other. A lifetime of being compared and judged as a pair takes its toll. I know my sister struggled with that a lot more than i did. Now she has this amazing life, seperate from me. And i love seeing her so happy, i love seeing her confidence improve.
Once you accept you have different lives and are different people, it enables the closeness to return.
I am sorry you are heart-broken. One of the best bits of advice i ever got was "stop having so many expectations of other people". Once you get rid of expectations, better and more realistic relationships become easier.
Are you fraternal or identical? I have fraternal girls...do you have any advice??
Fraternal, but we looked identical when we were younger.
My only advice (which you probably do anyway) is really let them be their own person; hobbies, friends, clothing.
My mum was pretty intense, and i don't think you are (from what i gather from your posts on here, i always like what you have to say)
And try not compare them. I know my sister struggled with this a lot more than i did. I had a lot more confidence than my sister, which often translated in me being more capable at things than she was (that sounds awful, i can't think of the right words to explain it without sounding cocky)
Don't expect them to have the same social circle. Often twins will, but often they won't. Just support them being themselves, individually. We were relieved to finally get our own bedrooms as teenagers.
We did loathe sharing a birthday (mum did always make sure we had our own cakes, which we loved) now as adults i love sharing a birthday.
Don't get me wrong, we love being twins. It's very special. But be prepared for them to go through phases of hating each other. It's normal.
Good luck :) xxx
Thank you for your response! My girls are very much individuals so we just let that play out as it is. The comparison thing is hard though, as well as having to switch in and out of parenting styles as they are both very different personality types, and it is a very fine line in being fair - I reckon I could apply for a job at UN with amount of negotiating and diplomacy required sometimes! Own cakes and rooms I will definitely keep in mind. I just hope they stay friends like you are with your twin.
I don't refer to my twins as "the twins" but as the children or the girls - they are their own people. And Bec stole my twins baby name - she must have good taste :)