This is the most relatable celebrity home AD has ever shown us, but I have... feedback.

I've come to complain about a couple I did not know was even together until approximately nine hours ago. 

Pretty Little Liars actor Troian Bellisario and Suits star Patrick J. Adams are in fact married, ICYMI. And have been since 2016. They also have two children together, which is an uncomfortable feeling for me because how did this happen without me realising it? 

How could I have been so stupid? 

My point is, I have not been paying enough attention to Bellisario and Adams — and I clearly should have been because this week, they showed their home off in a classic Open Door tour with Architectural Digest. 

Watch: The holiday mistakes that attract burglars. Post continues after video. 

Their 1924 Spanish Colonial Revival home in Los Angeles is, in short, freaking spectacular. 

It hits every good bone in your body when you virtually walk through it. 

But that doesn't mean I don't want to point out some... inconsistencies I've noticed. Considering I am an expert on having opinions (ahem: my David Harbour and Lily Allen house recap and Sarah Paulson trailer recap), I thought I should share them with you all. 

You're welcome. 

These are the nine burning questions I have for Bellisario and Adams after watching their entire home tour: 

1. Why didn't I know you got married? 

After further research, I now know that they have been dating since 2011 (after Bellisario dumped him a year into dating and Adams did his all to win her back). I also know the pair tied the knot in 2016, on a presumably chilly December day. 

They even have two daughters; four-year-old Aurora and 23-month-old Elliot. 

And still, the question still begs: When the f**k did this happen? 

How on earth did they have time to break up, get back together, star in two hit TV shows, get married, gut and renovate a 100-year-old Spanish villa and have two kids... all within a 12-year timeframe? 

Nothing about this makes sense. This would take me a lifetime to complete. 

2. Why is there a cushion in the fireplace?

Moving on to less important things now, but arguably more relevant. 

Why on earth have Bellisario and Adams added a comfortable sitting area... three centimetres away from their raging fireplace. Said fireplace is situated in the centre of the family's glorious, high-ceiling living area. There are almost a dozen places to sit and chat. 

And yet, a leather cushion is placed within close proximity of the roaring death trap. 

Do you see... it...? Image: AD.

What about now? Image: AD.

What about from this angle? Image: AD.

Why must I be the most intelligent person in any situation? 

(TBF, it looks like they replace the cushion... with a tree occasionally so??? I'll give them that???)

3. Why is even your baby's high chair aesthetically pleasing? 

After we're taken through the living room, Bellisario and Adams show us their kitchen. And it is glorious. 

Stylish. Fun. Family-friendly. 10/10. Image: AD.

They have all the bells and whistles but the design and aesthetic of it all is packaged in a way where I'm manipulated to believe that I could afford to have this kitchen too. 

Newsflash: I cannot. 

But I'm less interested in the six-door fridge and more inclined to talk about that green high chair. It's the colour of puke, meaning it is ultra-trendy at the moment. 

Like, nothing about this kitchen is incorrect. Image: AD.

Everything about this space is good and right, and it is unnerving.

This is why I find sweet bliss in their organised but chaotic kids' play area.

4. I'm sorry, but why have your children desecrated your kitchen chairs? 

You can tell Bellisario and Adams have tried hard to keep it clean and tidy and organised. 

You can also tell it's the one space their children have complete control over and therefore treat it like their artistic dumping ground. 

Let me show you. 

Looks organised to begin with, right? Image: AD.

First Bellisario points to their kitchen stool, which has stickers placed on it by one of their children.

Her reaction is all of us rn. Image: AD.

Then, Adams lifts up his undeniably expensive sofa cushion and shows us a drawing that could either be a ghost, blob, or mashed potatoes. 

I mean... Image: AD.

5. Who does your hair, Troian? 

No, seriously. I need to book an appointment ASAP. I'm barely watching the house tour at this point. 

6. You poor second child. 

We reach the stairway to go to the second floor and then Bellisario and Adams tell a horror story with their mouths upturned. They are... smiling... while they admit to the fact their home is littered with photos of their eldest daughter but is lacking photographs of their second. 

They were showing off their photo wall. Image: AD.

I mean, WHAT?

To fix the problem, they said, Adams got one of the few photos they had of their youngest child and blew it up to fit into a massive frame. 

A+ for effort. Image: AD.

That will do, I suppose... 

7. Why don't you have a cat? 

I know you have a dog, with fluffy ears and a permanent slouch, but the only thing I think is missing from that perfect bedroom is... a fat orange cat sitting on top of the duvet. 

A bedroom made for a cat, if you ask me. Image: AD.

Here is the evidence. Image: AD. 

Just think about it, okay? 

8. Can I live with you guys? 

I wouldn't change much. Just the amount of photos you have of your kids and I'd probably put a childproof barrier up between the fireplace and the fire hazard that is three centimetres away... 

I'm a quiet housemate, great at babysitting and I am so good at cooking!

(Reader: She is not good at cooking.)

9. Pretty please?

Alternatively, you could just give me the house. 

You can watch Troian Bellisario and Patrick J. Adams' full house tour here: 

Feature Image: Architectural Digest.