The only moments of today's Grammys you need to trouble yourself with.

We know you only look at the performances on YouTube, so here are the bits of the Grammys that you need to pretend you watched today.

1. Prince’s weirdly awesome speech.

Prince, doing his best Disco Stu impression, announced Beck’s Morning Phase as the winner of the Album of the Year Grammy Award.

He left us with these words: “Albums, like books and black lives, still matter”.

We’re not sold on the shiny orange suit, but we appreciate the sentiment – so thanks, Prince.

2. Pharrel throwing shade on Taylor Swift.

Pharell Williams decided to channel last year’s Marlon Wayans/Delta Goodrem shitstorm by throwing some serious side-eye at Tay-tay who was just dancing like no one was watching.

Burn, Pharrell.

3. Paul McCartney was the only one to stand and dance during a performance.

When a Beatle stands, EVERYONE FUCKING STANDS.

Here is Sir Paul being a legend/granddad dancer:

4. Chris Martin and Beck performed together.

And it was nothing short of beautiful perfect heaven.

Related: Grammys 2014 RED CARPET: All the frocks from music’s big night.

5. Madonna’s butt on the red carpet.

Madonna has maintained her lifelong hatred of wearing pants and so her butt made an appearance on the red carpet.

And if anyone is thinking of making a ‘crack’ about her age? Zip it. Madge can do what she likes.

6. Kanye’s “imma let you finish” round 2.

Jay Z and THE WORLD held it’s collective breath as Kanye jumped up on stage during Beck’s acceptance speech.

But haha, PSYCH – he was just messing with us. He’s such a joker, that guy.

7. Maximum Kimmy K gropage.

Kimye were being all cute on the red carpet and PDA – ing all over the place. Ahh, young love.

Also that is a firm grip you got there, Westy.

8. And Kristen Wiig was Sia. At least we think so.

Sia rocked a face-covering wig on the red carpet.

And then Kristen Wiig rocked Sia’s blonde bob wig like a boss. Confused? You will be.