Kelley Daring has been inundated with so many messages she can't keep up.
She opened her DM's on TikTok to regretful mothers for three reasons; she thinks we do a disservice to women by not telling them the whole truth about parenthood. She believes mums are shamed for sharing any negative thoughts or feelings about parenthood and we need to normalise talking about them, and she wants those who have feelings of regret to feel less alone.
What she wasn't expecting was the enormous response from women.
Watch: Here's a taste of what parents are sharing with her.
"I have received so many messages from mums who want to share their stories because they want young women out there to understand the whole truth of motherhood.
"I can't believe how many stories I've been sent. It's so many messages I can't keep up," she said.
Daring, who has been sharing the stories anonymously on TikTok, is already at 'part 38' of a series she doesn't plan on stopping anytime soon.
Many of her videos have received millions of views, with the comments sections flooded with agreeable parents resonating with the admissions.
Here is what just five of the women in her DMs have told her:
'Motherhood has single-handedly stolen my life from me.'
"I'm a mother, I have five children and I was not prepared for what life would be like with kids.
"Nothing in my life is my own [and] no one told me that would happen. By nothing I mean; not my time, my body, my bedroom, my bathroom time - nothing. I am touched, cried to and occupied 24/7.
"When the kids aren't home, I am receiving calls about them or making appointments for them. I'm worrying about them to a scary extent. My thoughts belong to them, I have no privacy and no days off despite having a loving and supportive partner and family who lives close by.
"No one told me motherhood would be an endless repeating cycle of grief over milestones, events that did or did not happen, identity loss, false expectations and how quickly things go by.
"We never have babysitting, so my partner and I never get out alone. We do the best we can with the time we have at home but I haven't been on a date in three years. I miss dressing up, feeling sexy and being my carefree self.
"Motherhood is a thief. I love my children fiercely and unconditionally, yet motherhood has single-handedly stolen my life from me....every piece and every part. This is the guilt that eats away at me. When these thoughts pass through, I shove them, but it is the truth of motherhood.
"Motherhood is a tragedy for each mother who has loved so much and so deeply she sacrificed herself. I feel badly admitting this especially since I chose to become a mother, but how can I claim to be a good mother when I admit it has taken everything from me?"
'My life looks entirely different to how I imagined.'
"Since I was very young, I always saw kids and a husband in my future. It was something I didn't question. I have a big family and I am surrounded by younger cousins so I am very used to having babies and young children around.
"In my early 20s I met my now husband. We have always had a healthy and respectful relationship and were friends before we started dating. We decided to have a child as it's something we both wanted. I got the biggest shock of my life having my child, to say the least.
"My life looks entirely different to how I imagined. The first 18 months of motherhood are the most unhappy and anxious I have ever been. I have fortunately never experienced poor mental health before so this hit particularly hard. Motherhood has honestly been exhausting both physically and mentally in ways I don't think you can imagine until you do it, and there is no off switch.
"It's important to say we have a decent household income, so don't struggle for basics, have irregular but some family help and have friends close by with young children, but still find it incredibly challenging. My child is a good kid with no health conditions, [or] behavioural challenges outside being a toddler. For most of motherhood I have felt unequipped and that it is me that is lacking.
"I do my best everyday to give my child a good life, and can recognise her great qualities. However it is a substantial effort every day to get back up and on the never ending hamster wheel.
"Life is monotonous and tiring and most days don't go how we would like, even when we think we have planned something fun and fulfilling for our child. My approach now is a constant intentional effort to accept where I am and the life I have and that I chose this. Otherwise I don't think I could keep going.
"This might sound ungreatful, and might well be, but not one person in my life spoke like this until I had children, and then the discourse around the difficulty started when I opened up about struggling. We need to be honest and stop painting a romanticised picture of motherhood."
'The fairytale is a lie'
"I knew the responsibility, and I also knew that I didn't have a village so this would be on me. Every year together I'd remind him [my husband] I wasn't changing my mind on [wanting children].
"When he proposed, I reminded him I didn't want kids. Days before marriage, I reminded him again on my stance and he agreed. Seven years later I end up pregnant and wanted to abort, [but] he promised he would pick up the brunt of the work. He gave me some bullshit fairytale and I believed it. I am now a stay at home mum and I absolutely hate my life. I hate saying it because I feel so ungrateful, but it's true. Everything falls on me and he's always criticising me.
"He said he thought my feelings would change once I gave birth - like I'd magically change my view on kids. That didn't happen. If anything, I resent my husband for doing this to me and leaving me to deal with it alone. I went through post-partum depression alone, I did it all alone and I am still doing it alone.
"I have no safe space to talk. I know my son would be better off without me. I love my kid, but he deserves a better mum. I have no patience for him, his crying and whining drives me crazy. Maybe it's my childhood trauma, but I can't stand him all on me, I feel like I am suffocating."
'I died the day I gave birth.'
"A huge problem with motherhood is what you can't control. You can't control your village or a lack thereof. You can't control how traumatic your birth is, and you can't control how bad your mental health will be hit. I had it all. Two disabled, bedridden parents, toxic in-laws, horrible pregnancy and birth trauma that made being around mothers and children so triggering I couldn't even fake happiness for them. I simply couldn't be around families anymore, I was so unable to grasp how they were smiling.
"I explain it as the single most barbaric act women intentionally or not put themselves through. I never wanted to be a mum but everyone said it would be okay and work out. They lied.
"I say I died the day I gave birth, and have never been the same nor remotely okay since. When I hear of mothers killing themselves or their children I understand and ask where was there support? How many people failed them?
"I am eight years into parenthood and I still resent being a mum. Both my husband and I know we would never go through this again and know pregnancy, birth and parenthood is one of the single worst decisions a person and ourselves made. It feels so unnatural and downright disgusting.
"While we are amazing parents, it's ruined so much of our time on Earth. We were true soulmates, and that's probably the only reason we are still together. But we are no longer whole. We are barely intimate because of my fear of becoming pregnant and self conscious of what birth did to me, but we have made the decision it's just no longer important to us and act more like robots than humans.
"Eight years in with the easiest child I've ever seen or come across and we're just starting to not hate every moment or dread every day and [we're] finally finding some lightness in what has been an entirely grey period. I love my child, but still wish everyday I hadn't gone through motherhood. I traded my life and happiness that day for it."
'I regret having our last two children.'
"I was born and raised in a fundamentalist conservative Christian religion. I met my husband when I was 18 and we were married at age 20 and had our first kid aged 22. By 33-years-old we had five children. My children are now ages 17 to 28, [and] to say I am beyond exhausted is an understatement. Our last two children are wearing me out.
"My husband and I left our religious affiliation four years ago after several years of deconstructing our belief system. Now I am realising that if I had been given tools or options to think for myself, I never would have chosen this life. I never would have been a stay at home mum with a bunch of kids while my husband worked tons of hours and controlled our money.
"My daughter has a mental illness diagnosis and I don't know if we will ever be empty nesters because of how much support she needs. The thought of never truly getting a break overwhelms me more than I can put into words. I am in therapy and am dealing with the overwhelm and disappointment that my life has brought along my way. Part of my frustration is we had three children, and I went to the doctor and had an IUD put in place. I loved it and didn't have to worry about pregnancy and it was such a relief. I had it in for about three years when one of my sisters found out about it and shamed me and lectured me, explaining that from her religious viewpoint it was an abortive method of birth control.
"She shamed me to the point that I had it taken out, and the next month I was pregnant with my daughter and a year and a half later was pregnant with our last son. I have so much guilt typing this out, because although I love my daughter, every day with her has been a challenge. I am trying to work through my anger and frustration about how religion talked me into things that I never would have done if I had been thinking for myself.
"I have let my imagination wander and think what it would have been like if we stopped with three kids. Our oldest three live in a different state, have lives of their own, two are married and I have one grandson. It hurts me so much to say I regret having our last two children but if I am honest I do.
"If I could give any advice to young couples, it would be to know what you believe, know where you stand, know what you want and fight for it. Don't let anyone tell you how to live."
Feature image: Tiktok @kelleydaring.
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