'I wrote about struggling to find my "postpartum style". I was flooded with messages.'

I can’t remember the last time I bought myself a new outfit.

It's my job to write about fashion, but shopping for my own wardrobe feels like a distant memory. 

Now my toddler's closet, that’s another thing entirely. That kid has more outfits than any 14-month-old could reasonably need.

Buying clothes for my daughter is something I don't need to feel guilty about. She's a baby and she needs new clothes almost constantly. Every day she literally grows out of her tiny little leggings.

But not me. My old jeans that don't fit quite right, and the roomy sweatshirt I bought while I was pregnant — I can make do with those. Right?

Watch: Mamamia Reviews Non Family Friendly Fashion. Post continues below. 

I recently put a call out on my Instagram, asking to hear from women who might be struggling with their style after having a baby.

The response was overwhelming. Many new mums, like Jordie, spoke to the lack of time and energy to shop for new clothes that fit where they are in their lives now.

"I've accepted I'm a size bigger but [I'm] now having to spend a lot buying new clothes to feel good in things that fit," she shared. 

"[I'm] back in the office so want to look the part on the days I'm not in activewear [with my baby]."

Others, like Alicia, simply felt they had lost their way when it came to their personal style.

Image: supplied. 

"I'm 10 months postpartum and have three children under five. I'm still rocking the same things, tired old activewear and jeans and white t-shirts. Jeans, might I add, that are so uncomfortable," she said.

Many have resorted to activewear worn on repeat, the better to get on with #mumlife.

"Been living in the same Lorna Jane tights since my almost three-year-old was born," Paige told me.

Because that's what mums wear, isn't it? Activewear? Perhaps that's the answer, we think, seeing another influencer parent her well-behaved children in her lovely neutral yoga leggings. Maybe that's the key to feeling stylish again in our mum era.

The very concept of "postpartum style" seems to lack definition. It's a term we've become so accustomed to seeing, we never stop to consider what it actually means.

Practically speaking, I don't believe it's really a thing.

Sure, there are the clothes you wear after you have a baby. The things you exist in, as you move from bed to couch to baby room. Clothes with their coffee and milk stains, extracted from the laundry pile then thrown back in the washing machine. In that period it’s exclusively functionality-focused — bras with special clips, pants that don’t cling. 

But "style" itself, if we're honest, has got to be among a new mum’s lowest priorities. And accepting that can be challenging, especially for women who might’ve heavily leaned into fashion and trends before, or just enjoyed the process of shopping for work or their workouts. All of a sudden, it’s just not a priority. It can’t be.

A universal truth known to mums is that your little person's needs must come before your own. Not always, but most of the time. And as Byrony shared with me over DM, finding a window to even consider your outfit is often impossible. Because your focus is on getting someone else ready for their day.

"With two small kids and a husband who works away I have no time to get ready," she lamented.

Gone are the days of staring endlessly into our wardrobes wondering what to wear. It's ironic how something many of us used to agonise over was a luxury we didn't even know we had.

Because the baby is not going to sit still and play happily while you consider your jacket options. If she's anything like mine, she’ll toddle around the bed and find the phone charger, pull things out of the wardrobe and stick a coat hanger in her mouth.

So most of the time, even a year on from giving birth, my outfits are half-baked versions of what I’d actually like to be wearing. Thrown together, good enough.

Image: Supplied. 

Except for the occasional scroll on Instagram where I might add something to my cart, then abandon it in my haste to do something else more useful, I don't shop for me.

Even if we find the time for browsing, facing up to a change room can be a daunting prospect. Many of us are coming to terms with newly shaped bodies; with parts of ourselves that have expanded or changed with motherhood.

"I have been struggling with my body and outfits after I gave birth in December 2023," new mum Lida* shared; hers a sentiment I received several times over.

There is also the matter of what we do in our clothes. When we spend most of our time on the floor or at the park, are tight-fitting jeans a practical choice? Not really. Best reach for the leggings.

"Postpartum style" seems to be nothing but a loaded umbrella term for something much bigger than any umbrella could possibly cover.

In that vast chasm between the early days of motherhood and finding who you are again, there are other more urgent things to grapple with. What, when so many of the decisions you’re making are literally the difference between life and death.

Maybe that’s why doctors and nurses wear scrubs. Their clothes require them only to be dressed and ready for the job at hand.

My suggestion, at least for that first year when it’s really more about surviving than thriving, is that you find your version of scrubs. A uniform of sorts. And yes, it might be your nicest sweatshirt with tights and sneakers.

For me, it comes down to one-decision dressing. Things like matching sets (which actually do look like scrubs) or maxi-dresses. 

I'm often in oversized shirts, knit pants and chunky slides, a combo I know works for me. I chuck these outfits on with little thought, and at least I look put-together. And I try to find time to get my nails done, because every outfit looks that little bit better with a manicure.

If you buy one thing, my advice is to make it a chic crossbody bag that you'll use every day, whether it's for appointments or playdates or endless trips to the supermarket. Promise me you won't feel guilty about it, either. 

If your baby can have a brand new wardrobe that's updated every season, you can have a nice bag. 

For more from Tamara Holland, follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Supplied/Tamara Holland.