Warning: The content in this post might be distressing for some readers.
Reddit is a cesspool of misogyny and racism, peopled predominantly by “redditors” with a very loose grasp on morality. It’s where internet trolls go to be among their people.
And that’s why it’s come as a surprise to many that a Reddit thread is now being used for a research on violence against women.
The original poster asked other redditors: “Reddit’s had a few threads about sexual assault victims, but are there any redditors from the other side of the story? What were your motivations? Do you regret it?”
For those who are unfamiliar, Reddit is a social news site, where anyone can sign up with any username they like and start forums.
It’s that anonymity that gives the rape thread its value: with no chance of their real identities being discovered and speaking in a forum of like-minded people, rapists and would-be rapists let their guards down.
A study published in the Psychology of Violence academic journal used the thread as the basis for an article titled Justifying Sexual Assault: Anonymous Perpetrators Speak Out Online.
The Georgia State University researchers saw the thread as a unique opportunity to view rape through “the interpretive lens perpetrators use to justify their actions.”
They whittled the tens of thousands of responses down to 68 first-hand accounts of rape and found many commonalities.
Researchers grouped the responses into various themes: victim blaming, hostile sexism, biological essentialism (“I was so horny; she was teasing me; I couldn’t help it”), objectification, and sociosexuality (a personality trait of being willing to engage in sex with someone you have no emotional feeling for).
At the time of the “ask-a-rapist” thread’s genesis in 2012, many were horrified that a site frequented by rape apologists and men’s rights activists was airing their views on rape.
“The thought that my rapist is PROBABLY a redditor and could very well be getting patted on the back RIGHT NOW by HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE for relating how rough raping me was for him is making me literally nauseous,” one commenter wrote.
Many of the Reddit posters don’t think of themselves as rapists. Most knew well the women they raped; they were friends, girlfriends, acquaintances, wives.
For almost all of them, the feelings of the woman they molested were the very last thing they thought about.
Consent is rarely mentioned.
However, many of the men express regret and remorse for the assault, or sometimes complete confusion about a woman’s reaction after the fact.
Take this example of a man who pressured his girlfriend into having sex with him until she stopped resisting. He found her crying alone afterwards and was surprised.
“It was as much my responsibility to ensure good communication as it was hers. … She (albeit nonverbally) implicitly consented to something she felt she had no choice but to consent to. She was wrong and she did have a choice, but if she didn’t realize that in the moment then what difference does it make?”
Or this one, who anally rapes his wife once a year.
“She doesn’t mention it after, ever, even if I joke that I enjoyed raping her. I like the experience so I repeat it every year… but I very much love her, just doesn’t seem like the inner emotions match what I physically want.”
Many use their physical strength and seem to think sex with a woman is their right.
“I was a freshman and hooking up with this girl who got naked in bed with me, then said no. I think she just wanted to do oral. I was extremely horny and already close to doing it, so I ignored her and did it. She realized what was happening and tried to clamp her legs shut, but it was too late and I was much stronger than her.”
Victim-blaming is frequent:
“Most girls don’t really understand how horny guys are, how much stronger guys are, how guys will rationalize what they do. I see feminists and women on the Internet saying that no means no and women should be able to get as drunk as they want and not be sexually assaulted, and I couldn’t agree me [sic]. But the reality of the situation is that women have to be careful because guys are one way when they’re hanging out and another way when they’re horny or worse drunk and horny. That doesn’t make what happened okay, but it is what it is.”
They’re not creepy criminals lurking in the night awaiting prey, they’re men and boys we know: colleagues; uni peers; schoolmates; friends; married men. And listening to their attitudes and stories of rape is a valuable tool in understanding why it happens.
If nothing else, the thread and subsequent research shows something is going seriously wrong in sex education of young people.
The research will be used to make recommendations on policy in the US and to inform clinical intervention with rapists “to decrease cognitive distortions of blame.”
Top Comments
Of course that last one (if not all of them) is victim blaming but it does point to the reality that if a woman is alone with a guy, doing sexual things or drunk then some won't take no for an answer and because they are stronger there is little a woman can do about it. This of course is a very problematic fact because for the 9 out of 10 guys who will respect your decision not to have sex unfortunately there will be the guy who won't. If you are lucky you will never come across that guy but some unlucky women will. The point I am making is that we women should be able to be drunk and naked but until some men change their attitudes we will always be running a risk.
The thing that angers me told if that women are often seen to be a tease if they get naked but don't go all the way, but for some women we might prefer fore play because at that stage the guy is doing his best to give you enjoyment and trying to make you come so that you will have sex with him but if he knows he's defintely getting sex often he thinks his goal of having sex is accomplished so he doesn't need to give a woman a good time.
So actually they are the ones who are teases, they beg you to go home with them tell you some lies about how they are a great lover then the minute you are partially naked they think great I'm getting some no need to make an effort.
Of course some women won't want to have sex regardless, but I think some women purposely avoid sex because they know once "they give it up" no more effort will be made on the part of the guy to give them pleasure.
I have had a few one night stands and have thought of telling the guys that we can only fool around instead because I know of they are wanting more they will make an effort to actually make me come. So if guys are wanting women not to "tease" them as they like to put it, half the time it's their fault because the women knows that about 70% of men once they get sex will make no effort to give the woman an orgasm. This at least has been my rcperience, but I wouldn't dare say this to a guy on a one night stand because whilst I know most would not rape me, I'm sure one or two would think what she is in my bed naked and she is saying no, this tease is going to get it.
Curiosity got the better of me so I followed the link to read the thread. Every comment has been deleted. Where are your 'direct quotes' actually from?
I was curious as well to read the motivation, justification or reasoning and had the same experience. It said it was archived and everything deleted about 3 years ago.
If anyone has a current link, it would be greatly appreciated. TY