Meghan Markle single-handedly caused a drought and the people have had enough of her sh*t.
As is the case with most catastrophes, it all began with an unsuspecting avocado.
“The pregnant Duchess of Sussex and so called ‘avocado on toast whisperer’,” Express reported, “is wolfing down a fruit linked to water shortages, illegal deforestation and all round general environmental devastation.” They added that avocado consumption is also associated with “drugs”.
Goodness gracious.
The "shocking revelation" came after a friend of Meghan shared a photograph of the Duchess' avocado on toast with a side of black tea as though it was no big deal.
Daily Mail ran with the headline, "Is Meghan's favourite snack fuelling drought and murder?" and YES IT CERTAINLY IS.
Just because you're a Duchess doesn't mean you get to do a murder. Or invent the drug, ice. Or create natural disasters. It's rude but also inconvenient for everyone.
But that is not all.
This behaviour has been going on for too long, and it is time for an exposé.
Here is a definitive list of all the things that are Meghan Markle's fault.
- My dog's sore foot
- Prince Philip's car accident. Why didn't she tell him not to drive he's 97 years old FFS
- The humanitarian crisis in Yemen
- That time Kate Middleton and Prince William broke up in 2007
- When earrings irritate your ears
- Chlamydia
- The hole in the ozone layer. Specifically the one over Australia
- When you get a fringe and then regret it after 40 minutes
- When your phone corrects the word 'f*cking' to 'ducking' which isn't a word people use that often
- The printer that only works 30 per cent of the time
- Nick Kyrgios
- World War II
- When you forget what you were going to say and it's embarrassing
- Suits coming back for another season
- Peanut allergies
- When you think you're charging your phone but you actually don't have it plugged in, so you've wasted everyone's time, including your phone's
- When you have socks on and accidentally step in something wet
- UTIs
- When you get a surprise period in your favourite undies
- When Samsung phones exploded a few years ago
- Millennials and their bullshit
- The extinction of some (but not all) animals
- Salmonella
Please, let us know if there's anything we missed.