The Twins recap Married at First Sight: A misleading set of final vows.

March 29, 2020

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THREE COUPLES ARE ABOUT TO MAKE THEIR FINAL DECISION AND WILL STACEY GET THE HOME CINEMA SHE’S ALWAYS DREAMED OF ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

As Jonethen and Connie pack up their apartment, Jonethen comments on how weird it feels to have made it to the end and be going home. And, yeah. That would be weird. Given how many times you’ve politely (but explicitly) asked to leave. Please.

Clare and Jessie Stephens

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As Connie farewells Jonethen, she says she's left with a little bit of "sadness and disappointment" and we can hear the experts popping a champagne bottle in the background, satisfied that their job is finally complete.

She cries as she stands on the street, and in the background we watch Jonethen make his escape to Newcastle by foot, yelling at strangers that he's finally allowed to leave, while they smile and nod and call the police.

Over in KC and Drew's apartment, KC is reflecting on how last night she said she'd fly to see Drew every weekend and he was all like oh I'm very busy that weekend. And the next one. After that.

"I really like you," she says, and Drew nods, eager to get back to his wife and children who thought he was just going up the shops. Six weeks ago now.

Meanwhile, Stacey has returned to Adelaide to make her decision, so meets up with her best friend for guidance.

She mentions in passing that there are allegations of a cheating incident but "there were so many contradicting stories" and we don't recall one contradicting story but yes okay continue.

cheating stacey — That's where it gets conflicting.

"And he has a beautiful home somewhere I could live with my kids..." she says, to which her friends responds, "??"

"It has a home cinema," Stacey adds, ensuring her friend has all the relevant information. "And there's a bath. Inside his bedroom."

Despite Michael's home, Stacey's friend concludes she must leave this relationship immediately given her partner appears to have no respect for her.

Listen to Mamamia Recaps, where we say the things about Married at First Sight we're not allowed to write on the internet. Post continues after audio.

Stacey nods, understanding her friend's perspective, before muttering that she doesn't know quite how to put this... but you haven't seen his house... and you can watch whatever you want in the cinema... and the pool is also heated she's pretty sure. So there's that.

But darling Connie doesn't get to go back home. Because she lives with her mum. And she isn't allowed back there until she promises not to go on the TV anymore.

In her Air BnB, Connie lights a fire while wearing a t-shirt and it's like... put on a jumper???

We are yet again sold Connie's self transformation with her explaining how much she's learned about herself etc. etc. but that's not... why... we're here.

Like congratulations on your personal development but are you going to cheat or no? Because if not, Michael's about to go to Melbourne and we just know he's already lining up a cheat so if we could just have a cheeky rendezvous with... him. It would make self isolation... easier. For us.

BUT NO SHUT UP FINALLY MRS CONNIE IS BACK AND SHE'S GOT A NEW 'DO.

Yes she got a fringe while nervously awaiting Connie's season of Married at First Sight to air on the television and now that the experiment is almost over, she has some questions.

"Do you regret it??" she asks, realising that was a stupid question. She rephrases, "How much do you regret it???" and Connie isn't ready to admit you were right yet, Mrs Connie. Give it a few weeks.

She continues, "You don't feel like the experiment let you down?" while saying with her eyes, "U WERE EXPLOITED BY A TELEVISION NETWORK HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT."

In the end, Connie's mum is just surprised her daughter left with her "self respect" so congratulates her on... that.

Connie explains that the experiment has really helped her self esteem and self confidence but how is that possible?? When all that's happened is that you were rejected by the same man three times?? In a row? In front of everyone?

Watch: Connie's final vows. Post continues after video.

Video via Channel 9

But shut the f*ck up because it’s time for Stacey and Michael’s final vows and it feels so weird watching this when we already know everything that happens because Stacey has gone hard on her Instagram stories since being in isolation.

They both keep going on about how this is the most important decision they’re ever going to make, but pause. Literally, you can break up tomorrow if you like. Or next week. Or after the reunion when another cheating scandal comes out. This decision means precisely nothing at all do you understand.

"Will I end my fake marriage today? Or next week?"

Nonetheless, Michael proclaims that he’s either going to be with Stacey forever or be single for the rest of his life, which shows a profound misunderstanding of the situation at hand.

On her way to make her final decision, Stacey weighs up the fact that Michael has a flirtatious side, but then there’s also the home cinema. With seats. And snacks. And it’s like going to the movies but it’s in his house and she’s pretty sure you can watch anything in there and it’d be the perfect place to self isolate, if it ever... came to that.

As they meet at the… floral arrangement, Michael begins his vows (which are in no way legally or morally binding), and says: “I was arrogant, naive and immature.”

He talks about ‘mistakes’, and tells Stacey, “you’re the only girl I’ve ever met who can handle me in my entirety,” which is code for, “I full cheated on you and you were weirdly fine with it”.

Finally, he tells her, “I love you until I draw my last breath,” which might be romantic if Michael didn’t still seem convinced that this experiment is a competition and he and Stacey will get prize money if they win.

Next, it’s Stacey’s turn.

She says she was concerned when she heard Michael speak for the first time, which seems awfully judgemental but okay, and acknowledges her fairy tale fell apart when Michael was ‘accused’ of cheating on her.

Stacey.

It’s been like six weeks.

Everyone, including, it would seem, Michael, agrees that he cheated. Please drop the ‘accused’.

“I love you Michael,” she says, “and nothing will make me happier than leaving here hand in hand and going straight to your mansion with the home cinema and also the heated pool and I’ve already had the removalists grab my stuff and my boys and all our possessions are outside just waiting to move in”.

Look. Usually we wouldn't raise spoilers here.

But there's a global pandemic and we've gone really deep on Instagram. Not that we had to go deep, because Stacey literally announced on her Instagram stories this week that she and Michael are no longer together because at the reunion Michael ends up believing that she cheated on him with Mikey. So while your vows are... lovely, they're... highly misleading. HOW DID THE CHEATING GOSSIP NOT COME OUT AND HOW DOES MICHAEL DISCOVER IT WE SIMPLY DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR THIS DRAMA.

It's time for Drew and KC to make their final decision and Drew appears to be in a good mood which is unexpected.

KC begins her vows, and says she had hoped to find someone who accepted her for "all I am". She says she looked past Drew's imperfections, like his toys, and no you really didn't you literally threw them in the bin?

kc mafs — "That's called unconditional love. Look it up."

Finally, she concludes that she's fallen for Drew and thinks they can work if Drew stops insisting she's a fundamentally bad person.

Now it's time for Drew. He tells KC they live completely different lives and he worries it will be impossible to meet in the middle.

"And although I would move for love, we just aren't there yet," he concludes before adding, "what I do know, is that I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet..."

And, wait. All he said was that he isn't ready to say goodbye yet??

But like we assume he'll say goodbye at some point? Like tomorrow? Or over the weekend when KC tries to interrupt his plans??

Finally, it's time for Connie and Jonethen, and, yeah. Jonethen's pretty pissed off he has to dress up in a fckn suit to break up with Connie. For the fourth time.

But Connie wants her slow motion walk down the aisle so if everyone could just let her have that, she'd really appreciate it.

Connie shares her vows first, describing how hard she fought for Jonethen and WHO told you that fighting for a stranger you fake married on the television was ever a good idea.

"I didn’t find love with you…" she says. "I found something more important, myself. The only love and approval I needed was from myself. I became the love I was searching for..."

And OK we don't know why you had to marry a stranger on the television to find that but we also don't want to get hung up on details so, yes, please continue with your feminist monologue we're super into it.

She thanks him for sticking with her (he did everything in his power to leave) and says he will hold a special place in her heart.

Jonethen nearly cries with relief, stoked to discover that within Connie's feminist narrative she has chosen to leave him.

Now it's Jonethen's turn, and he can't work out a) why he's here and b) why he has to break up with Connie for a fourth time.

His vows simply read: Leave, leave, leave, LEAVE, I WANT TO LEAVE LET ME LEAVE FFS I JUST WANT TO LEAVE.

While Connie is still confused by the mixed signals, it doesn't matter. Because she has made her decision. And Jonnie you missed your chance.

"We’re not partners for each other… but we’re great partners for other people," she assures him, and Jonethen looks at her confused, insisting he's been saying this for a month now.

But Connie takes his hand, and assures him it will be okay. "Hush," she says. "Your broken heart will heal."

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.

For more gossip and lols, you can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. You can also join our Facebook group, Married at First Sight Lols.

Catch up on all the recaps:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 32: When you accidentally break up with your wife.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 31: Michael and Stacey need to break up already.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 30: 'How dare you bring my kids into this.'

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 29: We need to talk about the alleged cheating video.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 28: "I'm actually speechless."

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 27: The 'feedback' no one wanted.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 26: You cannot force your husband to have sex with you.