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We open on Tamara and Brent watching the sunrise in Bondi which Tamara ought to know costs at least $650 a week to witness.
But suddenly, Tamara spots something in the water. She announces that it's a dolphin. But Brent insists it's a sea lion.
...
.....
.......
OK so Tamara doesn't believe sea lions are real things which isn't a subject you get to have an opinion about?
A producer calmly asks if she believes in seals to which she replies like obviously yes?? But lady you can't just deny the existence of sea lions when there's one literally right there within ear shot.
"Is it a dream of yours to swim with dolphins or whales?" Johana asks the beachy looking young man in front of her, to which Mitch replies, "No".
So far so good.
But ALERT ALERT because she "sees" something alarming and excuse us ma'am is it John Aiken??
Apparently it's not. It's some card that means ending. Or thinking about ending. Or thinking about your relationship and doing some considering. Or being in a relationship that began at some point. Ella is shook.
Speaking of swimming, Al has organised an activity for Sam, his wife who has now officially tried to leave him two (2) times.
They're going snorkelling and with all due respect you don't need to go on Married at First Sight to snorkel like it's fine. Just do it on a Saturday. With friends.
They dive in and Al inevitably gets too close to the coral and Sir you're going to cut yourself and disturb the marine life.
Sam has to blow up his floaties and put sunscreen all over him while he wriggles like a worm and sometimes it is just simply too hard to take a toddler to the beach. It's not relaxing.
So.
Over in Cody's disgusting apartment, it becomes increasingly clear that the man needs to sort himself the f**k out.
There are containers of what can only be described as white mush in his fridge and when Selina sniffs inside she nearly vomits. The fact she hasn't left yet - despite Cody's home being a literal (and perhaps functioning) crack den - is a testament to the standards women in their late 20s/30s have been taught to accept.
Cody decides to evade police by inviting Selina to his mum's house, but there's a problem. He refuses to give anything to anyone, socially. Selina smiles and pretends things are fine but the man is barely speaking to his mother and why must this play out on television it feels unnecessary.
Meanwhile, Domenica has arrived at Jack's house. But Jack has a snake. And absolutely not. To that... pet.
That night she doesn't sleep because the snake is watching her.
Cody feels guilty about the time he married a stranger and then made her visit (and clean) his crack den, so decides he'll make up for it by pulling a prank on her, and pause.
If you're thinking of doing a prank: Don't. It's not fun for anyone except you, and even then, is it? Fun? For you?? (No.)
As Selina puts on her 'swamp monster' costume, she yells that it stinks and of course it does. It's exclusively used for pranks? So it smells distinctly like socially uncomfortable man who's fundamentally questioning the ethics of what he's doing.
But when they get into the car, Cody has taken his swamp outfit off. Leaving Selina wearing a swamp outfit alone. Like an idiot.
She asks why he isn't in his swamp outfit and he's all like "nah nah we're good to go" and firstly a) where are we going and b) no one is good to go.
Selina begins to piece together the offensive picture hanging in Cody's room, the batman sheets, the absurd mess and now the swamp costume and determines that maybe, perhaps, she is being made fun of.
Suddenly outraged about why she's wearing a swamp outfit for no reason, Selina exits the car, and if there's anything more embarrassing than seeing a prank gone wrong, we've certainly never seen it.
Over with Jackson's friends, Olivia remarks "we've been doing really well," with the tone of someone who wants to die.
She explains that Jackson forced her to go to the gym with him and she hated it and everyone's confused. They're like... wait. Why doesn't Jackson just go to the gym on his own? Like a normal person?
But Liv doesn't stop there. It would seem she wants Jackson to stop going to the gym altogether because he's married now.
Attempting to apologise for the swamp fiasco, Cody brings Selina to meet his Uncle John.
John decides to open up about how he regrets not hugging people, like his daughters, more throughout his life and omg John can you speak to our dad and relatedly every other man we've ever met??
Cody misses his opportunity to ask uncle John what he personally makes of swamp costume pranks but we think he'd advise against... that.
UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
For more MAFS commentary and lols, you can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
You can also listen to their comedy podcast, CANCELLED.
You can read the previous MAFS recaps here:
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 26: In defence of Liv.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight episode 25: The plot twist we all saw coming.
- Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight episode 24: Olivia apologises... and then whips out a takesy backsy.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 23: We need to talk about Liv.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 22: A very 'horny' cheating scandal.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 21: The experts have had it with Carolina.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 20: The man who broke John Aiken.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 19: We have feedback about the cheating scandal.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 18: OK. So at this point people are just walking out.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 17: Why are the experts... gaslighting the women?
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 16: A perfectly engineered cheating scandal.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 15: "You couldn't script this sh*t."
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 14: We have feelings about the bride who ran three hours late.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 13: A burning question for Brent and Tamara.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 12: The most manipulative night we've seen on television.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 11: Andrew needs to be stopped.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 10: The couple that can't stop fighting about sex.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 9: The groom's decision that 'doesn't make any sense'.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 8: A messed up conversation about race.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 7: Sir. You did not just talk about pegging.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 6: We need to talk about Selin.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 5: Stop it. He’s doing everything for Instagram.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 4: 'The sex wasn't enjoyable for me.'
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 3: When your husband doesn't want to have sex with you.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 2: The groom who has everyone... baffled.
- The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 1: "My wife is a psychopath."
Image: Nine Network.
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