Lehmo's wedding day: "I was a Groomzilla."

I never expected to finish my wedding day in the emergency ward of a Balinese hospital but, sadly, not everything goes to plan.

Weddings tend to come with their fair share of issues – they’re like teenagers or pirated dvd’s. Navigating through their issues takes hard work, skill and patience.

I was labeled a groomzilla about 9 months ago when I really took charge of the wedding plans. I’ve organised plenty of events in the past but nothing quite matches the pressure that sits atop a wedding. It was a living hell.

The ultimate bridezilla email has gone viral.

It got to a point where I just started saying ‘no’. No cake, no garter, no bouquet, no formal seating.

I could not be stuffed shuffling name cards around a seating plan. I called ‘buffet time’. Eat when you want and sit where you want with whom you want. I ate my dinner sitting on a step next to one of my brothers and his wife.

I was ably assisted with wedding preparations by Kel’s 3 bridesmen. Yes, bridesMEN. And before you start wondering, yes they are all gay and great wedding planners, as were a few of her other very helpful gay friends. This truly was a case of Queer Eye for the Wedding Guy.

You are probably wondering exactly how the bride involved herself. It’s safe to say that she became a little detached from the wedding process. I didn’t take this personally. She assured me that she would turn up on the day, in a dress and say ‘I do’. She’s shy and hates attention, therefore planning for constant attention for an entire day didn’t sit well with her.

Kel finally ‘felt it’ at 5pm on our wedding day. I stood with my 2 groomsmen as the Bob Marley classic “Is This Love” brought our guests to life. They clapped and sang as I turned to see Kel looking more beautiful than I’d ever seen her and with a smile that launched 1,000 cheers.

She quite literally took my breath away. I know it sounds clichéd but I never really expected it to happen. I’ve seen her a million times before. I’ve seen her on a daily basis for over 4 years. I never knew she’d be able to surprise me like this but she did. I felt an incredible rush of emotion. I’m guessing she felt the same, I haven’t asked her.

Sadly my parents were not able to make it to the wedding due to poor health. So, they watched the whole ceremony via skype whilst sitting in their lounge room in Loxton, South Australia. Now get ready for a broken heart, Dad wore his best suit with a tie and Mum wore the dress she was going to wear to the wedding. It was beautiful and they really felt a part of it.

Our recessional song was the Rolling Stones classic “Gimme Shelter” which isn’t the most romantic song getting around but it’s better than my original suggestion, Paul Lekakis “Boom boom boom (let’s go back to my room)”.

Instead of traditional speeches we had ‘open mic’ which ended with Steven Gates (from Tripod) leading the guests in a sing along of the Cheap Trick classic “If you want my love”. It was awesome.

The bridechilla: The anti-bridezilla of weddings

I arranged fireworks to be fired on the beach roughly 30 meters from the deck we were partying on – Bang!!! Off they go. Everyone looks up. Amazing. Wow. What I didn’t account for was the fairly stiff breeze that was blowing the debris from the sky into the eyes and hair of our guest. People started shrieking “my eyes. My beautiful eyes”. I didn’t realise we’d need safety goggles. Indonesia isn’t big on Occ Health & Safety and neither was my wedding.

Oh yeah, the hospital. So, I say my farewells at the reception and go up to our hotel room where Kel is getting ready for bed.

It’s 1:30am. The phone rings in our room. It’s Stef, the girlfriend of our MC, Adam Rozenbachs. He has had a serious anaphylactic reaction to some nuts at the after party and has had to be urgently taken to hospital. So, I rushed to the hospital. On arrival his condition had settled but Stef was still a little un-nerved by the whole experience. To relax them both, fellow comedian Paul Calleja and I made jokes at his expense while he lay in that Balinese emergency ward. He giggled through his swollen neck so we figured the nut threat had cleared.

A bizarre way to finish the greatest day of my life but it diminished none of what had gone before. Adam was fine the next day and all our beautiful, hilarious and blinding memories were well and truly intact.

Have you met a groomzilla?