Content warning: This story includes descriptions of sexual assault and domestic violence that may be distressing to some readers.
On Valentine's Day night in 1995, American couple Sally McNeil and her husband Ray McNeil were having an argument. According to Sally, that argument turned physical, with Ray laying his hands on her. It wasn't the first time this occurred – but it was the last.
Throughout their marriage, Sally had been a victim of domestic violence. It's something she was sadly used to, she explained in Netflix's new true crime docuseries Killer Sally – saying she had grown up in a household "where I had to defend myself".
Sally and Ray had first met while they were in the US marine corps. Ray, who was a sergeant, had a passion for bodybuilding which rubbed off on Sally. So while in the military, she too began to take part in bodybuilding competitions, managing to place fourth in her first competition back in 1987. And she only became more and more successful from there.
But when the couple married in 1987, that's when Sally said the abuse began. She said that three days into their marriage, Ray broke her nose.
Ray's violence towards Sally has also been corroborated by their two children, John and Santina. It's alleged the children were also physically assaulted by Ray, and forced to watch the abuse that Sally endured.
As Sally's passion for bodybuilding grew, her success did too. This allegedly angered Ray and he tried to bring her down, forcing her to stop the sport.
"He said that I was inferior and he was the superior bodybuilder and everything should go towards him," Sally said in the docuseries. "From the start I wasn't good enough. I was never good enough. Ray thought he was the most important person in the family. He was trying to get me to give up my dream so that I could support his budding career in bodybuilding."
So she gave it up.
"Anabolic steroid use was the root of Ray's violence towards me. When Ray and I first got married in 1987, I had no idea that he was on steroids," Sally explained in Killer Sally. "So I did not know that he was suffering from 'roid rage' when he'd fly off the handle and beat the holy hell out of me."
In the eight years of marriage, Sally said she was sexually assaulted and beaten enough to make her fear for her life. But she struggled to leave him – she didn't feel safe to, and she hoped he would change.
As daughter Santina said: "My dad would come back and bring flowers, candies and tell her he loved her and was going to change. She would always tell me 'Oh he's going to change!' She had a deer-in-headlights look. It never got better – it got worse. I was scared."
Sally's son called his childhood with Ray "pure hell".
So on that fateful Valentine's Day night, Sally said it all became "too much" for her to take. After an argument on finances and infidelity insecurities, Sally said Ray started to physically abuse her.
According to Sally, Ray was choking her when she grabbed a gun and fatally shot him twice. With a documented history of domestic abuse and medical reports and records, Sally claimed it was self-defence – a split-second decision to save her life.
Watch the trailer for Killer Sally. Post continues below.
But the prosecution argued it was premeditated murder, the revenge of a jealous and aggressive wife.
In the 911 call made that night, Sally told the operator she had shot her husband because he was beating her. The wailing in the background was her daughter's sobbing voice, with Ray heard breathing heavily too. She had shot him twice – once in the abdomen, and once in the face. Soon afterwards, Ray died.
The following day, Sally was arrested and charged with murder.
Her two children – nine and 11 at the time – were sent to a shelter, then across the country to live with their grandmother in Sally's hometown of Allentown, Pennsylvania.
In the Netflix docuseries, an excerpt of footage from the police interrogation room on the night of Ray's death was shown. In it, Sally's children try to reassure her that everything is going to be okay: "if you thought he was gonna kill you then that's self-defence," said John, who was in the fourth grade at the time.
In 1996, the court trial began.
A defence expert testified that Sally suffered from 'battered woman syndrome' – now understood as a form of post-traumatic stress disorder from intimate partner violence. But despite Ray's record of abusing Sally (and confirmation that she was a victim of intimate partner violence) she was convicted of murder in the second degree and sentenced to 19 years to life in prison. The jury later said they struggled to think of her as a victim of domestic violence, because she was 'so strong' herself.
In 2003, Sally appealed the conviction to the U.S. Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, who sided with Sally and overturned the ruling. But the State of California then appealed the decision to the US Supreme Court, who then overturned the appeal and reinstated the original conviction.
After serving 25 years in prison, Sally was granted parole in mid 2020.
"Being in prison has taught me that life goes on while you're stuck in prison. You can't expect a lot from your family, you can't make big demands – because they have a life to live out there. My mum used to bring the children out [to me in jail] once a year when they were on vacation from school. Those annual visits meant the world to me," Sally said.
It's the milestones missed that Sally regrets the most. The proms, graduations, weddings, and more. Even when Sally's kids had children of their own.
In the docuseries, Sally said she didn't deserve such a long sentence, adding: "I want to do an appeal on what happened but I'm just so happy I'm free. I don't care anymore. I'm free."
She currently lives in North California with her new husband. And she says "freedom tastes wonderful".
For Sally and her two kids, they are now starting to heal their bond after years of not being in close contact. For Santina she now knows exactly what her mother went through, after being abused in a previous relationship.
She explained: "I could never understand why my mum did not leave. But when I found myself in a situation like that, I stayed for the same reasons – I just wanted to be loved. I was repeating that same cycle. When I eventually chose to leave, after that I realised nobody would ever hit me again. Now I just focus on my son. That's the only man I need in my life."
As for Sally, she said her second husband now is someone who loves her and respects her.
"I'm in love with him – he's so laid back and easy to be with. He's not trying to be in control of me. He lets me be me."
Killer Sally is available to watch on Netflix now.
If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.
Feature Image: Netflix.
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