The author of this post is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.
As I lay by the pool of our luxury Tuscan villa with the sunlight bouncing off my brand new diamond wedding ring, I’ll admit it, I felt smug.
I’d just married the love of my life, Harry, after seven years together and now we were on the Italian honeymoon I’d spent months planning to perfection.
It felt even sweeter because two years earlier, around the time we’d got engaged, Harry and I had gone through a really rocky patch and I’d worried we might not survive.
The fact that we’d fought back from the brink was a testament to the strength of our relationship.
***
On the third day of our trip, while Harry was swimming in the pool, I logged into Facebook on my iPad. I'd received so many messages of congratulations since posting our wedding photos online and I'd not had a chance to respond to any of them. Now was as good a time as any.
As I scrolled through my flooded inbox, I noticed there was a message sitting in my "other" folder. It was from a woman called Sarah who I didn't recognise. Assuming it was junk, I was about to delete it when I glimpsed the first line. I've been sleeping with Harry for three months...
My heart stalled. Surely this was some kind of joke? Bile rose in my throat as I realised message had been sent two years earlier - right in the eye of the storm that was our rocky patch. I don't know how I'd missed it; I guess I'd never paid much attention to the "other" folder before now.
Sarah went on to say she'd met Harry in a bar (the one she named, I knew, was close to Harry's office). She hadn't known he had a girlfriend at first, but after their first few dates (yes, he'd been wining and dining her, as well as sleeping with her), he'd come clean - and they'd continued their affair.
It's over now, the message said. He ended it after you got engaged. But I thought I should let you know who you're about to marry.
Listen: Esther Perel tells Mia why it's not only unhappy people who stray. Post continues after audio.
***
Gazing across the glistening water, my eyes fell on Harry, my husband, and he blew me a kiss. I dropped the iPad on the ground.
I thought I would feel angry, and I did. But there was a far more overwhelming emotion. I felt... afraid. Everything I'd ever thought was true was a lie. I tried to imagine my life without Harry and I couldn't.
My intuition told me I was clutching at straws, but I sent Sarah a message anyway. You're lying, I challenged.
The response hit me like speeding train: Remember when he was late to your mum's surprise 60th? It's because he was with me.
Harry had been late that night. We'd argued about it. The details in Sarah's message were so specific, I could no longer doubt what she was telling me.
***
The confrontation was surprisingly tame. Harry readily admitted everything the moment I showed him the messages. He said it'd taken him straying to realise that what we had together was truly what he wanted. He begged and begged for another chance. And eventually, I gave it to him.
Top Comments
He’s still cheating. If you need to lie, sneak around and sleep with other people to find out of you love someone, the answer is YOU DON’T.
This is almost exactly what happened to me 21 years ago. I found out when the other woman called me at our home 3 months after our wedding. As I thought back on the weeks before our wedding I realized she had also called on my wedding day but lost her nerve when I answered the phone. She stalked me, calling me at work and hanging up until she finally had the nerve to tell me what my now husband had been up to.
She only found her “moral high ground” after my husband had ended it with her. After 3 months had passed and she had plenty of time to stew about the ending that is when she decided to call me. Prior to that, she didn’t care that there was a fiancé as she snuck around with him at work. The fact that he had ended the relationship before I ever knew about it was his only saving grace. If I had found out mid-affair it would have been over.
I did stay married, but it was horrible for years after. I had zero trust and watched everything he did. It was miserable. Therapy and soul searching enabled me to move past the event. He was and is a good person who made a bad decision out of the fear of marriage. It never happened again, but I can’t lie and say that sometimes I haven’t regretted my decision to stay. My wedding day memories will always be tainted. However, the good has very much outweighed the bad and the choice to stay or leave will come down to who the person you married really is and if you are able to forgive a terrible indiscretion.
Yes, your poor husband - he sounds like a total victim here who shouldn't be blamed for his actions. That horrible woman just took advantage of impressionable, vulnerable him.