“It’s your day. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you should do at your wedding.”
That’s the modern bride’s mantra. And rightly so.
But really everyone has opinions about your wedding. And when it comes to opinions, they don’t get much more strident than whether or not CHILDREN should be involved.
Reddit user, AixetheRed and her partner are both 24. They are two months out from their wedding day and they have made the decision together to not allow children. They have both been to weddings previously where infants had drowned out the vows. Consciously, they made the decision not to invite children knowing that both of their families liked to drink excessive alcohol at such events. AixetheRed and her partner decided they didn’t want to have to stress about young children, when they should be able to relax and enjoy their day. Logical right?
On the latest episode of This Glorious Mess, a NO KIDS newlywed talked us through how making that decision affected her day, and her friendships. Check it out here:
AixetheRed’s future in-laws however don’t agree. In fact, they are threatening to not attend the wedding if children are not invited.
Naturally, AixetheRed took to Reddit to pose her dilemma and ask for solutions. This is what she had to say.
We don’t want kids at our wedding. The in-laws do. Now they’re threatening not to attend if we don’t give in. Okay, so. This only happened about an hour ago so I’m still incredibly upset, but I’ll try to convey this tale as coherently as possible.
My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years. We just got engaged last year and couldn’t be happier together. We’re set to be married this March. During the wedding planning, we decided we did not wish to have children at the ceremony/reception.
Both our families are heavy drinkers and the venue is entirely outdoors with a large pond in the middle. There is no protective railing of any kind, the water is not illuminated by any surrounding light source, and our wedding is set at night. Maybe it’s just because I’m paranoid but I feel that is a recipe for disaster with children present, and on my wedding day, I don’t want to feel like I have to keep fearing for these kids and worrying.
The other reason we are choosing limit kids from attending is because I’ve been to two weddings where babies crying drowned out everything in the vows. It’s incredibly frustrating especially when parents don’t take the hint to excuse themselves and just sit there. I’ve already been contacted by one of my own family members about this in regards to wanting to bring their 2 year old. I tried to be as polite, but as firm as possible in my wishes. They said they understood, and have since made arrangements for a babysitter.
Then the same thing happened with my fiancé’s parents, and this is where the shit hits the fan. My fiancé has a cousin who had a baby a year ago. Now MIL and FIL are demanding we allow her to bring the baby. She’s already purchased her ticket but claims not to have known about our ‘no children’ request. The request was on our wedding invites. FIL began to yell at us, and threatened us with an ultimatum: We let the baby attend the ceremony or my soon to be in-laws refuse to attend our wedding.My fiancé and I left immediately and here we are now, incredibly angry and insulted. How are we possibly supposed to respond to this??”
According to AixetheRed her fiancé’s parents are used to getting their own way. “They’ve always treated my fiancé like this. Until he met me, he never really stood up for himself. They’re used to taking what they want through forceful behaviours like this.”
To me her future in-laws sound pretty damn terrible.
Other Redditors thought similarly.
- So his parents care more for their cousins kid than their own child. They fail as parents. – MiaOh
- Fuck Them!!!! Seriously Fuck Them! That is so rude and disrespectful it’s your special moment and if they can’t respect your simple request then it’s probably just gonna be a hassle having them come. I honestly hope they step back and think about it and come to their senses. Congratulations on your big moment and enjoy it, whatever ends up happening. – its-a-unicorn
As usual the Redditor’s came up with some fairly crafty and entertaining solutions to AixetheRed’s problem.
- Learn this phrase: “I’m sorry you feel that way, you will be missed! Perhaps we can catch up at a later date.” You can even offer to get together to look at the wedding photos. – CharlieLovesPie
- You can suggest some babysitters they could use, maybe. But otherwise? “We’ll miss you.” that’s all. No apologies. No buts. If you bow on this, you’re telling them that you and your partner, as a unit, will show throat every time that they get huffy. That’s a really bad precedent to set. – RememberKoomValley
- Do not negotiate with terrorists. If you feel yourself losing your nerve, imagine that baby wailing and screaming throughout your vows. – saltedcaramelsauce
And my personal favourite.
- Tell your in-laws that since they’ve decided not to come, maybe they can babysit your cousin’s baby. Win/win. – Zazzafrazzy
Personally, I’m pulling for a child free wedding for AixetheRed.
What do you think? Do kids belong at weddings?
Top Comments
If you feel like some sort of compromise, have a family (with all the kids) celebration/picnic brunch the next day in a park. Some special decorations could be strung, add some simple speeches and have some family fun welcoming the new branch of the family tree.
I get the bit where you don't want kids at your wedding, I don't get the bit where you be offended because some people don't want to come cause their kids aren't invited.