Complicated relationships? We have seen quite a few of them on Mamamia. This one involves a man, a woman and another woman and her baby….. Sally* writes
Ooops.“I met a wonderful man about a month ago, and everything has been going really well. Due to our respective work schedules we have not had time to see each other very often, so have only had around six dates, and have therefore not yet had ‘The Couple Talk’. However, it seemed to be implicit in our continued dating that that would be the natural progression of things. He even met my parents last week (after the following bombshell had been dropped – read on).
Now comes the issue for which I require input!
Last week, he cancelled a date with a few hours notice (an industry function for which an expensive ticket had been purchased – by me). We had a conversation via text messages regarding the reason for cancellation, which turned out to be: ‘ “I know we broke up but I’m pregnant” ‘
So, the woman he had been seeing for 4 months, and broke up with a month before he met me, is ‘pregnant’, and now he is understandably freaked out and very confused.
He doesn’t want to be with her, and doesn’t want her to have the baby (of which there is not yet proof of existance), but he wants to do the right thing by her. He wants to keep seeing me, but does not know how to do that, or of he should, or indeed whether he is certain that he wants to. I have offered several times to limit contact with him to give him space, and he says he does not want me to do that.
I don’t want to be Devil’s Advocate, but unfortunately, I have had ‘friends’ in the past who have attempted to trap men by pretending to be pregnant, or being pregnant with another man’s child etc. It happens, and I am concerned that this could be the case. He is suspicious as well, but is a good man and does not want to seem insensitive towards her. And of course, she could just be a genuinely pregnant, frightened young woman.
He works in a stressful job with long hours, and she often calls him away from work, or home with threats of suicide, and frequently drops by his house at all hours with no notice.
So, in summary. I want to support him, and be there for him, and do whatever he needs me to do. I feel like the best course of action is to limit my contact with him for a few weeks to let him get his head around everything. However, firstly I am finding it very difficult to do that, and secondly, there are so many, many implications of this situation both short and long term for all concerned.
Help – I need advice, to learn from your experiences or even some ideas, it would be so much appreciated!!”
Top Comments
Just incase it's all for real....go now! The child will be the dilema of your life, financially, emotionally,and physically. Ofcourse it's a beautiful innocent baby/ child for a while It's not the child's doing but the impact this situation can have have on a relationship, especially a brand new one, if it goes the distance is unreal. I'm married to a wonderful man father to my 3 children and dad to a daughter from a previous relationship. The strain that the continual presence of the 3rd party places on us is horrible. Then that delightful baby becomes a teenager. I am spoilt, loved and have an amazing family life, yet the whole 3rd party saga often has me wishing I'd taken another road and not become involved in those early days. Think about it.
Thanks everyone for your advice and thoughts.
I hope you all had a wonderful christmas with loved ones. Best wishes for a fun and fabulous New Year.
XX
I'm a bit late reading this but just wanted to add that my cousin's ex girlfriend got pregnant in order to trap him into marriage. She'd call him with death threats etc. He decided to stand by her and even marry her. Then when the baby was born he got a paternity test done and it turns out he wasn't the father.
Anyway, my advice is to stay out of it until it's all sorted out somehow.