From the outside, I have a seemingly perfect life.
A handsome, faithful, hard working and kind husband who is wonderful with our two children, who are both under five.
He doesn’t go straight to the pub after work, nor does he gamble. Three days per week he picks the kids up from school, feeds them, bathes them, does homework and gets them into bed at a decent hour while I work.
We have a lovely house, good jobs and a wonderful network of friends and family. There is not much about my husband or my life which I could complain about.
But.
In the last year or so, I have grown to be almost repulsed by my husband’s kisses. We were never really compatible in that area from the beginning, but I ignored it – mostly because I was crazy about him.
Lately, however, it has become a big irritation to me and I find myself cranky in general because of it. We are still intimate, but it’s become a chore on my part and of course, there is very little kissing.
Because of my lack of enthusiasm I suppose, he is also less enthused… and that leads to? Bad sex.
I really have grown apart from him over the last year. I realise we have so little in common, so little to talk about and I guess I am quite lonely in my marriage.
I guess my question is… do I give up 80% of near perfection for 20% of far from perfection? Is bad sex really a reason to end a relationship?
The author of this post is a Mamamia reader who wishes to remain anonymous.
Do you have any advice for our author? How important is good sex within marriage?
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It depends if you both want a sexless marriage. Your children are under five. You both seem to be under a lot of pressure. Talk to him. Do you still fancy him? Do you love him? If you still fancy him, why do his kisses repulse you? Could you spend some time together wooing one another? Couples therapy? I’d keep trying. Don’t talk yourself into staying, but equally don’t talk yourself into leaving. I expect most marriages are like this from time to time. Communicate.
You are absolutely crazy if you leave a man like that! Be grateful for the loving husband you have. You are blessed.
OMG when I read this, I did a double take and really thought did I write this and forget? Been with my husband 8 yrs, married 7. We have 2 kids under 5. He is loyal and sweet and doesn't run around at the bars like some of his friends. He has a great job and is a wonderful provider but is also a very hands on dad. He picks up from school, bathes them, puts them to bed. He is kind and decent and handsome as hell. Its weird because we do have a lot in common (we are both attorneys) we like the same sports teams, we have similar values in terms of family and raising our kids. But on the other hand I feel like the 5 year age gap between us often feels like 20. He is 5 years older but has always acted much older. He likes sucky music, movies and generally likes to hang out with his parents friends more t han ones our own age. He goes to bed early, etc. We were never really compatible in the sex department either, but we had such a whirlwind romance I didn't really have the chance to realize it. We were engaged in less than 5 months and married 7 months after that. He is not a sexual person, he can go 2 months without it. When we do have it he cannot make eye contact or talk or sort of be present with me. If I say or do anything or try to tell him what I might like he loses concentration and either ejactulates super fast or loses his erection altogether. Even his movements and touches remind me of being in high school with an inexperienced 16 year old. Medications don't work so well for him. He has a hard time getting, maintaining an erection. Sex is irritating, depressing and wholly unsatisfying. We've started counseling, but I am like how many more years of horrible sex am I supposed to take? I don't even like kissing him anymore, its become awkward and unpleasant. Our therapist and everyone else in my life wants me to work it out because of the ages of my children and how hard it is to be on your own. I don't know what to do.