real life

'My abusive ex is officiating my best friend's wedding. She didn't even tell me.'

Well, this isn't a situation we'd ever wish to find ourselves in. A woman on Reddit has shared that in the lead-up to her best friend's wedding, she's discovered her abusive ex-husband had been chosen to officiate the ceremony.

On the popular subreddit r/AmItheAsshole, the woman, who shared her story anonymously, wrote, "Two years ago, I dated someone and discovered a little late into the relationship that he was abusive. Mentally and psychologically abusive. He wanted a housewife — perfect, pretty and quiet. He would say that he didn't love me if I refused to be intimate with him.

"When I finally decided to leave him, I had to block his number, his social media accounts, even his email. Still, he created fake accounts to continue interacting with me. Harassing my friends. It took nearly six months for him to stop. I thought I could finally move on."

Watch: Six signs of people who have been abused. Post continues below.

"Now, when I dated him, I had introduced him to my best friend and her fiancé. He and her fiancé hit it off," she shared.

"I found out that my ex continued his friendship with my friend and her fiancé. Later, I find out that he is attending their wedding. And if that's not enough to grapple with, my friend refused me a plus one, and made no guarantees that my ex wouldn't have one, even though he was single when we had the conversation a few months ago. And my boyfriend just shy of one year can't attend because she doesn't know him."

But it... gets worse.

As the OP shared, not only did she just find out her ex was attending the wedding, but also officiating it.

The real kicker? She didn't find out the news from the best friend and bride-to-be, but from another guest who attended the hen's party.

Meaning the bride, who had been aware of the tumultuous history between her friend and the ex-husband, had deliberately kept this information from her.

Understandably, the woman shared that this decision had left her feeling blindsided and betrayed by her best friend of 16 years. "My friend was never going to tell me. I would have found out during the ceremony. And his new girlfriend of one month, who looks eerily like me, is tagging my friend in posts online. So, I have a hunch she'll be at the wedding with my ex," shared the poster.

"When I voice how uncomfortable I am with the situation, she tells me that I'm trying to make the wedding all about me. Am I? I don't even think I'll attend the wedding at this rate," she concluded.

Sheesh.

As the OP shared, the incident has caused irreparable damage to their friendship and left her questioning the authenticity of their bond.

The internet weighs in.

Many Reddit users in the comments section understood the woman's feelings of shock and betrayal, slamming the bride-to-be for being deeply hurtful and disrespectful in disregarding the trauma associated with an abusive relationship.

As one person wrote, "It is beyond insulting that your friend would expect you to attend any wedding officiated by someone who was abusive towards you. Further, it is an enormous red flag that you are not allowed to have a plus one along to give you comfort in the presence of your abuser. You've been more than reasonable even considering going after knowing these facts."

Others encouraged her to reconsider her friendship with the bride-to-be.

"I wouldn't go, and I would consider my friendship over," commented a supporter. "She lied to you and obviously does not respect you. You clearly care more about your friendship than she does. Life's too short. It is really upsetting, but you need to respect yourself and going to a wedding where you will have your ex and his new relationship shoved in your face, knowing your friend cares more about their relationship with your ex than you, will only make you feel bad."

Another wrote, "I would text your friend, "I'm very disappointed that not only did you continue to be friends with someone who abused me, but you plan on having them have an honorary position at your wedding. I would never put you in a position to be around someone who abused you. As a result, I'm not coming to your wedding, and I'm seriously rethinking the position you have in my life. I don't want to argue back and forth about this. I won't speak any further on the topic.' 

"This woman is not your friend."

What are your thoughts? Would you attend the wedding? Share with us in the comment section below.

Feature Image: Getty.

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Top Comments

amdeyonge 19 days ago
Similar situation but instead of a BFF it's my brother. He hated my ex while we were together, but oddly decided, upon us breaking up and during years of abuse and stalking, even a court order, that he was then his best friend. I now don't have a brother. Better to be away from it than to hold onto someone who really cares more about a drinking buddy. I'm lucky that I did get every single one of my friends by my side. So as much as it hurts I have people who genuinely love me. Walk away, even when it's hard, because there are better people out there. 

karentracey 24 days ago
My ex cheated on me a LOT. And constantly accused me of cheating on him even though I was totally faithful. He was a monster..for a lot worse reasons than that, but shortly after i went on Inst to consulted a cyber genius “zipcrak they helped me hack my ex husband’s phone and exposed all his secrete cheating activities .it helped me win custody of my two kids during divorce. cheating is cruel and it feels horrible