'When I became estranged from my mum, my best friend did something unforgivable.'

As told to Ann DeGrey.

I recently lost two of the most important people in my life. They're still alive, in fact, they both live within a 10-minute drive from my house. But here I am, trying to make sense of how my best friend and my mother have both gone from my life, seemingly for good.

My relationship with my mum was always quite volatile. We had times where we'd argue, not speak for a week or two and then reconnect as if nothing had happened.

But things really took a turn for the worse last year. It started with minor squabbles over things such as me leaving my car in her driveway when she'd prefer I parked on the street. Or, we'd have a full-blown fight about the time my former partner stole her mobile phone and tried to sell it, which was horrific but hardly directly my fault.

We couldn't seem to agree on anything. I felt like she didn't understand me, and she thought I was being ungrateful. Eventually, I decided I needed a temporary break from her and I let her know she wouldn't hear from me for a couple of months as I needed peace so I could protect my mental health. She replied that she also needed a break as I caused her a lot of stress. That was the last time I heard from her.

Watch: The reasons there's an increase in estrangement between parents and their adult children. Post continues after video.

For many years my best friend, Ellie*, was my rock. We'd been friends since we worked together in our early 20s and were always there for each other. When her mother died a couple of years ago, I tried to be there for her as much as possible. Ellie leaned on me heavily, and I was glad to be her support system.

I'd let Ellie know I was having a break from my mum as our arguments were wearing me down. She told me she understood but didn't really say much about it. But then I noticed Ellie was spending more time with my mum. At first, I didn't think it was too out of the ordinary as she'd always been close to my family. But then the visits became more frequent. She's mentioned in passing how she'd had lunch with my mum or how they went shopping together.

The real blow came when I saw a post on Ellie's social media. She'd shared a photo of her with her arm around my mother, both smiling brightly, with a caption about how it was so nice to have a new mother figure after what she'd been through. 

How could she do this, so publicly, when she knew I was currently estranged from my mother? She knew the reasons I had to distance myself from my mum for a while, and yet she chose to get close to her and then post on social media about it—which is something she did, I believe so that I could see it. It was like she was rubbing salt into the wound.

I took a screenshot of the post and sent it to Ellie asking for an explanation. She called me right away and our chat quickly turned into a heated argument. She accused me of being selfish, and of not understanding her grief. She said she needed a mother figure in her life and that my mum had been there for her when I wasn't. "You're so lucky to have such a great mum and yet you've cut her off. She's elderly, she could be dead tomorrow. You're such a selfish woman," she said. I was stunned—Ellie had never spoken to me like that before.

From that moment on, the bond we had was broken, and there was no going back. According to my brother, Ellie continued to see my mum constantly, and I felt more isolated than ever. I tried reaching out to mum to apologise and ask to see her but she didn't reply. It was as if I had lost my mother twice—once because of our fallout, and once more because she had seemingly replaced me with my best friend.

I'd never planned on cutting off my mum forever, I'd always planned to reconcile with her in the near future, I just needed a break and so did she. When I spoke to a mutual friend about it, she was clearly on Ellie's side. She said, "What's your problem? You've cut off your mum, and Ellie is being a good person, making sure she is okay." It might sound childish, but it felt like mum was choosing Ellie over me. It just seemed to validate all the feelings of inadequacy that had led to our initial fallout.

I wish I could turn back time and find a way to mend things with my mum before it all went so pear-shaped. I also wish Ellie had understood my pain and been the friend I needed her to be. There's nothing I can really do now—I've reached out to both of them, apologising, almost begging to meet up and sort things out and so far, I've had nothing but silence.

*Name has been changed due to privacy.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

Read more of our articles about estrangement: 

• 'Weeks before my daughter graduated, she sent me an email. She never wanted to see me again.'
• We asked 12 women why they're estranged from their parents. This is what they said.
• "I'm no insolent, misguided child." What's left unsaid in the 'estranged child' narrative.

Feature image: Getty.