The modern playdate is a minefield of potential etiquette faux pas.
It seems that everywhere you turn you're likely to encounter a situation where your own parenting norms brush up against someone else. How do you know whether it's a drop them a go situation? What about when they're a gentle parent and you're more of a… screamer.
This is exactly why we've put together Mamamia's Modern Australian Etiquette Guide to help you out in all different social situations. From attending weddings to visiting someone's house, to navigating the ins and outs of group chats, we've got you covered.
Watch: "Dishonest Harmony" parenting theory explained. Post continues below.
But now we'll tackle the tricky world of kids' parties and playdates.
We spoke to parents from across the country to unearth all the things you must know when it comes to organising hangs for your offspring.
And if you're feeling super spicy, you can drop this in your mum friends group chat and watch the chaos unfold. (I'm kidding… kind of).
Etiquette guide for playdates.
Always clarify beforehand if it's a drop-and-go situation.
Once your kids get to a certain age, there's a big question mark over whether or not the playdate includes you, the parent, or is more of a solo affair between kids, where one parent will supervise them for a set period of time.
If you're planning on inviting a kid for a drop-and-go playdate, make sure you let the parent know when you extend the invitation.
No one wants the awkward game of chicken where one parent thinks they're hanging around to be polite, and the other is itching for them to bugger off so they can get some household chores done while the kids play.
Never use playdates as free all-day babysitting.
"It's my pet peeve when a parent drops their kid off for a playdate and then stretches it out for hours longer than expected," explains Julia, a mum-of-three from Townsville.
When a playdate has been agreed upon, make sure both parties figure out an end time — and stick to it. Showing up significantly later than promised to pick up your child is poor form.
But for the love of Bluey, please don't stay either.
It should be against the law for parents to stay for playdates unless specifically invited to do so. Your kid is here to play with my kid. That is the deal. I am not here to entertain you as well.
Letting them play video games without asking first is a big no.
Parents have different rules around screen time in general and gaming in particular, so checking with other parents before you let them have free rein on the Nintendo Switch is only fair.
While your kid might be allowed unlimited access to shoot-em-up games, other parents might be hard and fast in their boundaries. Don't let your home be the place where they're exposed to something their folks would rather they weren't.
Failing to pre-warn about dietary requirements is a you problem.
Shocking as it is, more than one parent I've spoken to had a tale of a child being dropped off for a playdate only for them to discover the hard way they couldn't eat a whole host of ingredients.
It stands to reason that most parents who have children with dietary requirements are extra careful about sending them on playdates where they might be exposed to ingredients they're not allowed to have, but packing them a separate lunch so the hosting parent isn't left scrambling is the polite thing to do.
Discipline your kid.
If you're at someone else's house with your child, there is an unspoken agreement that you'll be the one to keep them in line.
Nobody likes disciplining other people's children, even if they're disciplining their own, so while your kid might be having a grand old time jumping on the lounge with their mate, it's your responsibility to stop it.
Sugar should be used sparingly.
Some kids can have a belly-full of lollies and come home right as rain; others need only look at red food colouring and they're bouncing off the walls until midnight.
A subtle check with the visiting parent on whether or not they're happy for their kid to have sugary treats can solve a lot of drama down the road.
Don't use the TV as a 'playdate babysitter'.
No one is expecting you to recreate a Play School craft activity, but it's good manners to encourage something other than lounging in front of the telly.
If you're going to the effort of getting the kids together to play, then at least try to make sure they do a bit of interacting.
Rearranging a morning to drop your child at a playdate, only to discover they watched six episodes of back-to-back PJ Masks, can feel like a bit of a let-down for them.
Your kid's mess is your mess.
Multiple kids in a house results in maximum mess, and at the end of a successful playdate a living room can look more like the site of a home invasion.
While many parents prefer to clean up after their guests have left, it's good form to at least offer to help sort the mess before you leave, or better yet, make your kids step up and do it themselves.
Know when it's time to go.
Of all the cardinal playdate sins, lingering longer than is socially acceptable is the gravest. While every parent has their own preference when it comes to how long a visiting kid should stay, two to three hours is a good rule of thumb: or, if you haven't pre-organised having a meal together, definitely before it's time to start prepping lunch or dinner.
Send your kid with a token gift.
It could be as easy as a bag of chips or some pre-made muffins but don't send them over empty-handed when the other parent is going to entertain and look after your kid.
Listen to Mamamia's podcast, This Glorious Mess. Post continues below.
Etiquette guide for children's birthday parties.
Invite every single kid in the class. Otherwise, it's four MAXIMUM.
No one wants to find out their kid was the one in the class who didn't get invited to the party, so either go all out and invite everyone or keep it super intimate with a few close friends.
Parties that run over three hours are a punish. Just don't do it.
When you get to school age and two or three parties are happening in the same weekend, it's best to keep them short and sweet.
For your sake and every other parent who dreads small talk. Please let me go home after two hours. Our social batteries have all run out.
Remember the finer details on the invite.
Is there a pool? Is there a dog? Is there going to be a clown? It's best to channel your inner Nicole and let people know the specifics so they can prepare their kids accordingly.
From the age of 9, cash is the best gift.
Kids have enough toys and nobody wants cheap crap filling their house. Cash is king and they can save up for something they really want.
$20 (or less!) is the going rate. Don't be a hero.
If you are doing a gift, can we all just settle this now and agree to never spend over 20 bucks on presents for other people's kids?
All it takes is one parent to feel generous and splurge on a $50 gift to set off a domino effect where you're having to return the favour and before you know it you're selling your blood on the dark web just to afford for your kid to go to Flip Out.
Kids never really open the presents until later anyway, so a homemade card is more than enough, especially if the family have said no gifts.
Don't rock up with an extra kid.
This should go without saying, but if you happen to be babysitting your niece or your next-door neighbour's kid, don't take them along unless you check first.
You can bet they will want a lollybag that hasn't been accounted for and no one wants to deal with that awkwardness.
Timing invitation send-outs is critical.
Send it too early and everyone will forget. Send it out late and no one will come.
The sweet spot is between three to four weeks.
Actually RSVP by the cut-off date.
I know life gets busy, we're all hot messes and juggling 100 things at once, but if there's an RSVP date make sure you let the family know whether you're coming or not.
Feature image: Canva.
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