couples

Group therapy: "Should I leave my husband? We're 30, married, and cannot agree on kids."

We want your advice. 

We’re sharing anonymous dilemmas from our readers, in the hopes that the Mamamia community can offer them wisdom and advice. If you have a Group Therapy to submit, email submissions@mamamia.com.au with Group Therapy in the subject line, and we’ll publish it anonymously. Share your advice in the comments below. 

What do you do when your husband wants kids and you do not?

A bit of background for you.

We have been together for 10 years and married for four. I am nearly 30 and there was a time in my early 20s when I desperately wanted kids but over time I have just completely turned off the idea. I have a multitude of reasons why, varying from financial to global warming.

I feel guilty all the time about how my husband must be feeling. He thought he was marrying someone who wanted the same things as him. I have to think of the roles being reversed, how betrayed I would feel if he “changed his mind” on something so big. I have had a conversation with him about this of course but he is confident and optimistic that I will change my mind back.

Listen to the Mamamia Out Loud team tackle this dilemma. Post continues after audio.

I love him and I don’t want to break up but I also just don’t want to waste his time. If kids are non-negotiable for him, I should want him to have a chance to find someone to give him that, right?

What would you do? Tell us in a comment below.

The author of this submission is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons. The feature image used is a stock photo.

Feature Image: Getty.

Related Stories

Recommended

Top Comments

hippostace 4 years ago
If it’s a non negotiable for you, and for him, then you have to end it. With love and friendship. Maybe some couple counselling to help unpick it to be sure that it’s a true non negotiable for him. Having kids is an enormous commitment and demand on your body, time, career, finances, and lifestyle. It’s your prerogative to choose. And having a baby to please someone else or fulfill someone else’s dream is a sure fire way to kill a relationship in a much more awful way. And as gut wrenching as it is, staying with someone hoping they’ll change their mind about kids is also a dead end. You both live for decades on end as seperate ship in the night, passing each other and hoping for a change of heart that will put you on the same course. You’re marriage hasn’t been as long as the future you are planning together. So he needs to truely accept THATS off the table for the marriage to succeed long term. It’s heartbreaking now, but it’s only 2 hearts being broken. Who are both young enough and probably cool enough to support each other in moving forward to chase the life they WANT. It’s hard, heartbreaking, painful... but if you aren’t on the same page, then it’s going to be all that, plus resentment. Good luck x

pennypie414 4 years ago
Almost the same situation for us but reversed. He ended up changing his mind as it meant so much to me, but I had started talking to a counseller to help me with the grieving process. So if you stay together and he accepts your decision then give him time to grieve.