This morning my husband left on yet another work trip, so I’m alone with our two little ones again. Both are under the age of two (six months and 23 months). I work from home and we don’t have help, other than a bit of daycare. So it’s a lot of hard work.
I’m not complaining. Far from it. Having them was the best decision we ever made. But that doesn’t change the fact that right now, it’s a slog.
The thing is, my husband and I always said we wanted two babies – but maybe even three. Some days, like yesterday when we were all together and having an amazing time, we look at each other and say “one more?” with a smile. Then there are others, particularly some nights when both kids have been unsettled and we’ve both been working long hours, that we’re more like “hell no, we’re done”.
Some days...we look at each other and say “one more?” with a smile. Image supplied.
We literally change our mind several times each week. So I’ve been wondering if there’s some sort of sign I should be looking out for. Did you ‘just know’ when you were done? What were the factors you took into consideration?
I’ve been told that, while having three kids is no doubt hard work, the jump from one to two is actually harder than the jump from two to three. Bonus!
But of course there are the logistics of having three kids. An upgrade to a bigger car, most likely a bigger house, the increased cost of family holidays, the school and extra curricular costs, not the mention the food and the clothes…
I look at our beautiful children, one girl and one boy, and think how perfect it is now. We are so fortunate that they are both healthy. I am always very grateful for that. With me getting older (36 this year, eeeek!), and wanting to get back into a bit more work before possibly trying to get pregnant again, I’d be a year or two off 40 by the time we had another. I know, I know... that’s not too old. But a pregnancy then would bring more risks.
A pregnancy at 40 would bring more risks. Image supplied.
But then I look at how much our bubs love each other and want them both to experience the joy of having another brother or sister. As hard as having a baby and going through the whole newborn experience is, particularly with toddlers in tow, I’m not sure I’m ready to say goodbye to that for good. It’s a truly special and magical time.
On the other hand, is it time to say goodbye to nappies, breast pads, cracked nipples, bottle sterilising and toilet training? And hello to ‘me time’, getting some semblance of a life back, and getting some couple time again as they get older and we get babysitters? I have to admit I’ve lost myself a bit in mummy-hood - maybe now is the time to find 'me' again and enjoy the two we have.
I'm not sure I'm ready to say goodbye to the newborn experience. Image supplied.
There seems to be more cons than pros. But the pros are big positives. The cons are small, and some would say insignificant, things.
I don’t know which way we’ll go. I think that maybe one day it’ll just come to us. I’m not religious in any way, but I’m a big believer in the universe usually knowing what’s best for you.