Mamamia's Confessions series asks women to share what they'd say to the people closest to them, if they could do so anonymously. What would you tell your parents? Your manager? Your ex? It could be a secret you've been holding onto for years, or something that's on your mind right now. Nothing is off-limits.
This week, we asked 50 women the one thing they'd say to their partner anonymously. Here's what they told us.
The mental load.
"I wish you would help out around the house more. Putting the bins out once a week and mowing the lawn every few weeks does not make a significant contribution to the general running and maintenance of our house."
"When you’re not doing well I step up, when I’m not doing well, things don’t get done. How is that a fair partnership?"
"When I'm sick, I wish you would look after the house and kids without making it about how difficult it is for you."
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"You don't have to wait to be asked to clean the house."
"Just do the f**king dishes. Just do them without joking about it or procrastinating or thinking you’re a hero for doing them. Take that task from my day just every now and then. Just do the f**king dishes."
"Take up some of the mental load. Like actually think ahead! PLEASE! And yes, I work just as hard as you and still have to do EVERYTHING - juggle everything, sacrifice everything. And yes, my job is just as hard!"
Sex.
"Foreplay starts when the sex ends."
"Have more sex with me. The lack of initiation hurts me daily."
"I really do want it but sometimes I feel unattractive or self-conscious"
"Your bad breath often puts me off sex."
"Coming home grumpy and demanding sex does not help you get it. Try being nice, happy and listen, then you might get sex."
"Stop putting appointments in my calendar for sex!"
Love and marriage.
"You are the light of my life. I'm afraid to tell you how much I truly adore you because I don't want you to know that you are indispensable to me."
"Please hug me and talk to me more."
"Having children will destroy our marriage."
"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You've brought me back to who I really am and you've made me a better person each and every day."
"We own a house and have a son - can you f**king propose??"
"I’m bi. Sorry if this changes things in our marriage."
"I think you can do better."
Separation.
"I've thought about leaving you every day since the birth of our second child."
"There is nothing between us anymore. Let’s amicably split, fairly divide our assets and both be happy again."
"The reason I am leaving is because I'm sick of trying to save a relationship that you constantly degrade and disrespect."
"I continuously sacrifice the way I’m feeling to keep a happy household and family life."
"I'm not happy."
Communication.
"Please listen to how I ask for help. Don't help the way you think I need help."
"You need to work on your communication style with your female work colleagues. You think it's a coincidence that women are the ones who have issues with you regularly and not men?"
"When my gut tells me something bad about someone, please don't call it jealousy."
"You want me to look hot and have nice hair when we go out. So, give me some respect and wind the car window up. There is air-con for a reason."
"Just take time for me! Take time to listen, ask about my day, see how I feel about things. Make time to make me feel seen and heard!"
"It's devastating to have hardly any photos of myself and my child. I have asked so, so many times but if anything ever happened to me, all that would be left would be phone-fuls of beautiful candid pics and moments of you and my child."
"I wish I could have relationships with other people, but your toxic jealousy is scary."
"You need to be more reflective. Sometimes you are not always going to be right. Take the moment to really think about the situation, how you got there and more importantly how you are reacting now. Time to reflect and process can completely change an outcome. You need to be mindful of this."
Health and appearance.
"You are getting really out of shape."
"I love you, and you look great! You don’t need to lose weight. You are perfect as you are."
"I'm not physically attracted to you."
"Women are more attracted to men who care about what they wear. Dressing well shows us you care about what we think. Not fancy or expensive, just well."
"Take better care of your health and teeth!"
"I love you but please start taking your health seriously so the kids and I can keep loving you for a long, long time."
"It’s not attractive that you hate exercise."
"Making an effort with your clothing matters. You are wearing faded, old, stained and too big clothes and it affects the first impression you make."
"Please always wear roll-on deodorant. When you don’t, you have bad BO."
"Get rid of the facial hair. It’s gross."
"You're getting old and you look so haggard and tired. Yet I am supposed to be a spring daisy."
Manners.
"Chew with your mouth closed!"
"It is never okay to lick your knife at the dinner table."
Parents and in-laws.
"I’m afraid that we’re going to be spending our future financially supporting your parents. I feel that we’ll need to forgo things we want to achieve to support them or we won’t be in a better financial position because of them. I love them but I’m so scared that I’ll resent them if this continues."
"I do not like your homophobic, racist, climate change denying, backward, toxic parents. And I could happily never ever see them again. I especially don’t like them caring for our children."
"The negative influence your parents have on your life and the way you don’t defend me when they degrade me has made me consider leaving our relationship more than once."
"Call your mum out on her narcissistic behaviour more."
"I can’t stand your parents!"
Do you have any confessions of your own to add? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Read previous confessions articles here:
- "You blatantly favour her": We asked 50 women what they'd say, anonymously, to their parents.
- "You're not funny": We asked 50 women what they'd say, anonymously, to their boss.
Feature image: Supplied.
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