Mamamia's Confessions series asks women to share what they'd say to the people closest to them, if they could do so anonymously. What would you tell your parents? Your manager? Your ex? It could be a secret you've been holding onto for years, or something that's on your mind right now. Nothing is off-limits.
This week, we asked 40 women the one thing they'd say to their mum anonymously. Here's what they told us.
Relationship.
"I am a 50-year-old successful woman with balls of steel. Stop treating me like a little child that needs to be kept in the dark or protected."
"I’m so sorry for being such an awful teenager. We are so close since I’m older now and I truly appreciate everything you have done for in my life."
"I’m glad you’re no longer my best friend. I don’t mean that in a bad way; I think it saved our relationship. The lines of where friendship started and being a parent began became too blurred. When you suddenly switched in to mum-mode, it always felt like the rug being pulled out from under me. My best friend suddenly exercising discipline and judgement. I think it tore us apart. We told each other things we shouldn’t have. That’s why I’m glad we have some distance now. I can love you as a mum, as my mum, which is a unique and powerful love. We work better this way, but I am sorry that you feel the distance so acutely."
Watch: The lies every mum has told. Post continues below.
"Thank you for everything - from birth until now. Being a mum myself I now realise how much you sacrificed for me and how much work being a mum is!"
"You messed up big time and I hate that I have to buy you chocolates on Mother's Day and pretend."
"I love you, but you are so demanding with my time. It feels more like a burden and not a relationship (we talk a minimum of two times a day for 30 minutes to two hours each time)."
"I’m not you. I’m of you but I’m not you or an extension of you. Blood does not grant you control."
Love.
"I love you. I see you. I see how hard you try. I know you did your best. You are amazing."
"I love you but I don’t like the woman you have become as a mother of adult children."
"You are the f**king greatest."
"I hate to think of my life without you in it. I know the day will come but it seems unimaginable."
"I watch you every day and I feel so gifted, so blessed, so honoured to have such a brilliant, talented, strong, woman who raised us. I wouldn’t be this person today without your love."
"I wish you could have connected more with me and were affectionate. Actually saying 'I love you' would have gone SO far."
"I love you but you make life stressful. I don’t want to come home for Christmas because it’s not a fun time anymore."
"I loved my childhood and everything you selflessly did for the family, but I wish more than anything that you told me you loved me. Words mean a lot."
"I love you, but I don’t want to be anything like you."
Body image.
"Your obsession with your weight and looks, and your criticism of and disappointment with my weight and looks has badly affected my body image and self-esteem. I still cannot look at myself in photos or in the mirror and I’m 61 years old."
"I have struggled with my self esteem my whole life because I saw how you put yourself down. I think you're amazing and look up to you, so if you aren't good enough then how will I ever be?"
"You need to never mention a woman’s weight ever again and focus on things of more substance in a person."
"I’m sorry I was overweight and you and Dad were ashamed of it. I know you both never liked me much as a result. At 49, I’ve finally made peace with it."
Marriage.
"I wish you'd left Dad when we were kids. You would have had a chance to have a much happier, less stress-filled life."
"I wish you taught me how hard marriage was."
"Leave him! He’ll always be our dad."
"You deserve better from a partner. Leave. Get him out of your life."
Children.
"I know I am your favourite and you just don’t want to tell my sister."
"I’m jealous of the relationship you have with my sister. And it upsets me that you make it so obvious that her son is your favourite and that you don’t make the same effort with my boys."
"You should never have had kids."
"I love you, and I appreciate everything you do. It drives me mad that my siblings take you for granted."
"You need to love your children equally, unconditionally and not play them against each other for your own benefit. Let your children be children and not your personal therapist. Controlling them out of fear isn’t loving them!"
"Why is it alright for my sisters to not have to help you but I am supposed to be available 24/7? I understand that I am the closest but when they call or offer, you are always alright and can make up excuses for them. It is affecting my family and their relationship with you. I love you and will always be there (when necessary!) but you need to try to find other people to help you. I am your daughter, not the parent."
Grandchildren.
"I love you, but your blatant favouritism with your grandchildren is sickening. It makes me so uncomfortable when you praise my children and are so critical of my brother's. They are children, not clones."
"I know you've got the best intentions and are just wanting to help, but let me be my baby's mum and when I say things like, 'He's okay, just not sleeping well at the moment', I'd rather you say, 'That sucks, hopefully it gets better soon, I'm here if you need anything' instead of booking me a sleep consult and getting offended when I say I don't want it!"
"I miss you so much, I’m sorry I couldn’t see all the things you did for me. Oh, and I wish you could have met my girls."
"I stare at my three-month-old asleep and think, 'Thank you mum for loving me and caring for me all my life.' Now that I'm a mum I understand your unconditional love for me and my sister and I am forever grateful for the life full of love you gave us. I hope to do the same for my daughter. I love you forever."
Miscellaneous.
"I got a tattoo. Sorry."
"Stop drinking."
"I wish you could apologise for the things you need to apologise for rather than gaslighting our family and telling us all we need to 'lighten up' or 'I was just joking' when all you really need to do is take ownership and say sorry."
"You’re beginning to sound like your own mother."
"You don’t have to be right all the time."
"Being single in my 30s does not make me a failure."
Do you have any confessions of your own to add? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Read our previous confessions articles here:
- "You make life hard." We asked 40 mums what they'd say, anonymously, to their kids.
- "I can’t stand your parents!" We asked 50 women what they'd say, anonymously, to their partner.
- "You blatantly favour her": We asked 50 women what they'd say, anonymously, to their parents.
- "You're not funny": We asked 50 women what they'd say, anonymously, to their boss.
Feature Image: Supplied.
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