"Muuuummmm, can I please get a mobile phone?"
I have been hearing this from my 11-year-old daughter weekly since she was about eight years old. I have never leaned into the idea because I have never felt that she needed it.
Until we had to start looking into high schools.
Summer will be in her last year of primary school next year then, off to the big ol' world of high school. She has already started spending more time out of home, whether at friends’ places or sports, and not being able to contact her has been a bit of a challenge at times.
Watch: Parents of teenagers, translated. Post continues below.
Add the impending travel by bus to high school and the idea of Summer having a mobile phone adds a level of comfort for me.
That being said, I always like to do my homework before making a big decision and introducing your child to their first mobile phone feels like a really big one. We’re opening them up to a whole new world of communication, and a whole new array of boundaries and responsibilities.
So here are a number of things I have found need consideration before (and after) handing our little angels what seems like their innermost desire!
How do you know if they're actually ready?
Maturity isn’t something that is marked by age. Every child is different and as their parent, you know them best. Consider how they treat the other things they own – do they take care of it? Do they tell you if they break something? Can they converse rationally when you have concerns or questions?
It’s also important to consider their behaviour toward other devices or things that can create an obsessive nature. A mobile phone can become the centre of a child’s universe, the infinite scroll and checking-in ruling other areas of their lives. Consider whether they will be able to responsibly manage their phone use, separating real life from screen life, and still engage with their regular activities, school responsibilities and family.
Consider pre-owned.
It's likely a brand new shiny phone is what your child is eyeing off. But I liken it a lot to when we bought Summer her first fibreglass surfboard.
The new ones look slick – clean, bright, desirable.. But what happens when she puts a dint in it? Everyone will freak out and it will be more noticeable than my grey hairs before a visit to the hairdresser.
That’s why I bought her a pre-owned board. It wasn’t in brand new condition but it wasn’t far off, and being second-hand allowed her to use it freely without fear and helped me not worry about it every time she took it in the surf. And a big consideration of mine: it didn’t burn a huge, unnecessary hole in my pocket without skimping on quality.
This also 100 per cent applies to your tween or teen’s first mobile phone. I highly recommend checking out pre-owned phones from the Second Life range of refurbished mobiles, as launched by Australian Telco, Belong. Powered by Kingfisher, every Second Life phone comes with a 12-month warranty (in case something major happens) as well as a free $80 Belong SIM card.
It's can be an incredibly affordable option, in comparison to the cost of buying a brand new device. Second Life phones include both iPhones or Galaxy phones too, where every single one goes through a rigorous 30+ point testing process – which helps give peace of mind that the refurbished phone’s battery health, the screen, basically the whole works are all in tip-top shape.
And you know what? What an easy way to help minimise tech landfill. A good reminder that sometimes the best phones for our planet are the phones that already exist.
Thinking pre-paid versus a plan.
As an adult, I have always had a phone plan so as to make my life (and mental load) a lot easier. My first mobile phone when I was 17 however, was set up by my folks as pre-paid, and I personally believe for my kids that this is the way to go.
A pre-paid arrangement means your child a limited amount of data and usage every month, which is a smart way to encourage responsible use and help them manage phone priorities over play/entertainment time. A smart lesson to instill: spread out the use of your own data over the month, as once the data runs out, you have to wait to be topped up again at the start of the following month.
It might be the scenario between yourself and your child that you will be responsible for paying for their pre-paid access every month, but if you think you might prefer a more "set and forget" option, check out phone plans with a rolling monthly cost.
Some can start at a manageable $20 per month, if a plan is more your preference.
Check the phone's parental controls.
When you hand your child a mobile phone, you are effectively giving the outside world a free pass into their world via the internet, and that's likely to include social media.
Before passing over the device for your child to use, it’s important to consider any parental controls available on the phone that you might want to make use of. Parental controls can give you the ability to restrict access to certain apps, require a password before any in-app purchases can be made, monitor time-of-day usage and also flag things like inappropriate content.
Operating systems like Apple and Android have these as in-built parental controls, which parents can check out and set up n a device level (in Settings), or even buy separately with a software package that allows additional control options on your Wi-Fi at home and on multiple devices. Many social media and gaming platforms also have safety features that can be utilised to help make your child’s experience safer or more transparent for a parent to monitor.
You need to educate yourself.
If you are going to give your child a mobile device, you'll likely want to be across exactly how they are using that device and what they are doing on it. I don’t necessarily mean to go and read their text messages whilst they are at school, but rather be knowledgeable and open with them about the apps that are downloaded on their device, and the way that they are engaging on them.
Social media is a wonderful tool for communicating with friends and for self-expression, but it can also come with some really challenging and even unsafe aspects. This is why I would absolutely recommend that you consider doing a course in online safety, like Safe on Social’s SafetyHQ for Parents.
You can never know too much about what trending apps are becoming popular (and why), so being educated on how they work will empower you to have informed conversations with your child – and really help open up more transparent communication if a challenge ever does arise for you both to tackle together.
Establish boundaries with your child.
Screen time and social media use can be two of the biggest things that parents and their children will disagree about so when and if you give your child their first mobile phone, you should consider how you want to approach managing their screen time, use and access.
In the same way a child might eat pancakes for brekkie if the decision was down to them (ha!), it's handy for parents to establish some parameters upfront before kick-off. Plus, kids are more likely to stick to any guidelines you set if you involve them in the boundary-setting process.
Consider sitting them down when they get their device (or even beforehand) and write out a joint plan for the rules they must adhere to if they are given a phone. You could even create it to be like a 'contract' that you both sign.
The "rules" or boundaries you might agree on could include not using the device after 7pm; devices are to stay out of bedrooms; if you're contacted by a stranger online that you don't know in-person to let the parent know right away; parent to have password protection on the downloading of apps or in-app purchases so the parent is across these new additions, and so on.
Listen to this episode of Help! I Have A Teenager. Post continues below.
Understand your child's school policy on phones.
This is SO important. Schools set their own mobile phone and device policies and you must be across them so you and your child both know what’s allowed when it comes to using them.
Most primary schools I have come across do not allow children to take mobile phones onto school grounds, period. Many high schools however have policies in place that allow the carrying of mobile phones but set restrictions about use.
Perhaps have a chat to your child’s school and seek out their school policy in writing, so you and your child can sit down at home together to talk through it – that way, you are both aware, your child has ownership on staying within these parameters, and there is no "but I didn’t know that" rebuttals.
Encourage open communication, always.
The way you use, interact and talk about your mobile phone use can model the way your child might too.
As they say, monkey see, monkey do and if we want to grow positive, considerate and responsible digital citizens, then we need to be one ourselves.
Your child taking on their own mobile phone can open up a gateway of possible boundary-pushing, hard conversations, disagreements and perhaps periods where the privilege of having a phone is put on hold. But try and be calm, transparent with why certain decisions or boundaries are made, and do take comfort in knowing that, being interested and educated in what they are doing online can encourage your kids to feel comfortable coming to you with any troubles that arise.
Open communication should always be front and centre when looking to give your child their first mobile phone.
Sometimes the best phone for the planet is one that already exists. Swipe and scroll on a refurbished iPhone or Galaxy for a great price. Belong have a Second Life range of classic phones that just happen to be pre-owned. Check out the range.
If your device is covered by the warranty, Kingfisher will provide you with another device of equal or higher quality. This warranty is provided in addition to other rights under the Australian Consumer Law.
Feature Image: Canva/Mamamia.